Followed around the supermarket by a stranger

[Heylittlesongbird]

I had a really unsettling incident in the supermarket last week. A complete stranger started following me around, standing near me, watching me. I'd taken my mother shopping so found her and explained to her what I thought was happening. He quickly appeared near us. Whatever I went to look at, he turned up by us. We would move several aisles straight away and he still appeared. He'd stand and watch me, or try to get to whatever I was looking at. At one point I said sorry and moved away hoping it would de-escalate the situation. It happened about 10 times during my visit. He felt malevolent and cross with me. My mum said afterwards she was trying to block me from him with her trolley.

In the end we just decided to leave and check out. I saw him leave through the self checkout while I was at a staffed till. I didn't see him in the car park or I would have gone straight back in to the shop.

I got really cross with myself on the way home that I hadn't asked someone who worked at the supermarket for help. I felt so silly at the time and it just felt too surreal to go up to a staff member and say I was being followed. But on the drive home I realised I needed to do something. I rang and talked to the supermarket and explained what had just happened. I also wrote down everything I could remember about the incident and emailed it to the manager.

I explained that I was really worried about him doing it to someone else and I couldn't believe that this was an isolated incident. That I recognised this is not the shops fault and that I didn't talk to anyone at the time. He sent a pleasant reply saying that he would have it investigated urgently and to let them know if there is anything else they can do to support me.

I guess I'm wondering if there is anything else I should do? Would it be appropriate to reply and ask to be updated on their findings, or if it was an isolated incident? I have been assuming that they won't really be able to tell me what they find out so haven't wanted to put them in the position of having to tell me so.

It might not be you that caused the concern.

It could be that they were watching someone else at a distance.

They constantly have to be watching customers so it may have been that there was no one giving cause for concern at the time so they were watching you.

It obviously may have been suspicious so you were right to report it but what I mean by it is that there could be a more innocent explanation.

We had an undercover police operation in our shop recently with 8 plain clothes officers (so trained to a higher level than our own loss prevention officers) - we received several reports of suspicious behaviour & obviously were unable to disclose the circumstances.

I disagree, they can very easily match up OPs face from cctv, if OP included a copy if the receipt or gave the time/value of her purchase.

if they follow her movements they will see his too.

I had some creepy arsed bloke follow me around Tesco a couple of months ago OP. Wasn't the Banbury store was it?

He started by just hanging about near me in the card section (you think 'is he? or am i being daft?) and then watched me go up the escalator and got on at the bottom as i got off the top. Followed me at a distance round the upstairs and came down the escalator RIGHT behind me.

Then he put his trolly in the way as i was going down an aisle and pretended it was a funny accident. Next aisle he watched what i was buying and wanted the same thing getting in the way. Next aisle there he was making a comment on what i picked up. Then i spotted him peering round the end of an aisle to see if i was down there and arrived next to me again.

After that i made a manoeuvre and doubled back to the veg aisles and shook him off! I stood behind a sign and watched him look for me 😳 It was horrible. He was tracking back looking down all the aisles and then shot off further into the shop, head swivelling.

I should have said something to a member of staff but felt i didn't know what to say. Obvious now. Harassment. But at the time and in the moment it's not clear.

I found my adult DD who was also shopping and told her and we got on with our shop quickly and left. I saw him through the window see me as we got to my car. Ugh.

@Laiste It wasn't there, but the experience was really similar.

It makes me so cross, I know NAMALT, but it is always a man!

I completely agree with you about why you didn't say something at the time, that's exactly where I was at. In the moment you feel really confused.

I was looking for dinner in the way home from walk. Not anxious but aware some drunk drugged male looking for a quick cash grab.

Don’t minimise women’s instinct on danger

Because the world and his wife suffer from anxiety these days and it's the cause of most of the recent claims.For disability benefits

I had a similar situation today, was in my local Morrisons with my husband and while he was getting meat at the deli counter I went off quickly to get deodorant. I was walking down the middle of the shop looking up the aisles to see which one was the one I was looking for and on my way past I accidentally glanced directly at a man who was coming up the end of an aisle - thought nothing just carried on and found the deodorant aisle which was the same aisle as all the female hygiene products etc., there was a woman at the section I needed so I waited on her being done but while I was waiting I noticed this same man had come down the same aisle as me and was standing towards the top of the aisle just staring at me, with his phone pointed up as if like you say could’ve been taking a picture, his trolley was also empty and I’m thinking why are you in this aisle? I thought hmm weird grabbed my deodorant and walked back up the aisle past him and he pointedly made direct eye contact with me and that just gave me a very bad feeling. I quickly went back to my husband, I don’t even know if he followed but I think he did turn to follow as I left the aisle but we quickly got out and I did glance him wandering about the shop looking around weirdly when I was on my way out but that was it. Just was really weird and I’ve never experienced that before.

What on earth?!

Your concerns are valid, my mum once had a stalker and he would follow her in her car, around the shop she worked in and to places she would go.

If you know the date and time they can have look back at the cctv it will be easy if you say what you were wearing and him there are loads of cameras they will be able to follow him around the shop.

My poor mum had a horrible experience like this around 30 years ago. A man appeared behind her at the checkout and slammed his items down, when she looked he had exactly the same things she had in her basket. He followed her out the shop and she quickly walked home and tried to lose him, she got indoors and when she looked out the window she could see him in the street frantically looking for her. She reported to the police but she was very shaken by it and made her scared to go out in case she saw him again. Luckily she never did.

Thank you everyone. I just wanted to come back to give a brief update.

I won't say too much as ultimately I have filed a criminal report.

The supermarket investigated the incident really thoroughly. They watched back the cctv and contacted me to let me know what they had found out and invited me in to discuss it / have a phone call if I preferred.

They considered the actions as being very suspicious and took a copy of the cctv to be passed to the police. If the man is seen again in the store he will be banned. It has been passed to their national security team, I don't actually know what that means for sure, but I guess it means that he will be on a store watch list? Disturbingly, it appears from what they saw that there appeared to be a sexual element to what happened.

Thank you to everyone who commented and didn't dismiss my experience. I would urge us all to take these encounters seriously and report them. My supermarket have been very supportive, and I hope that others would be too.

Thanks for he update OP although I'm sorry... I guess it must have been quite disturbing to hear that.
Well done you for following this up, you've made a difference and confirmed your suspicions which I hope gives you a bit of confidence and a bit of pride. Good for you. XX

Odd! Mentally ill, perhaps?

Good that you followed up but awful that you had to. So predictable and horrid. There is a good chance the police will recognise him.

Is the criminal report regarding another matter? Creepy though he was, I can't see how what he did was unlawful?

Why would you think she was paranoid based on what she said? Her mum saw him too and tried to stop him. Why would you not take her experience at face value? Do you think what she said sounds realistic? As I do. I believe her.

Well done for following this up. And great that the supermarket took it seriously.

Excellent, well done OP and thanks for tbe update @Heylittlesongbird Glad they are taking it so seriously.

I think you absolutely did the right thing, trying to de-escalate then reporting. I know I'd be asking him loudly WTF he thought he was doing but that is definitely not always the right way of going about it. A lot of it is instinctive.

Oh give over Tommy Robinson.

He might have been plain clothes store security watching to see if you were shop lifting. If so it is unlikely the manager or the police would reveal that.

sorry I missed your update

I imagine the fact that the supermarket have passed the CCTV onto the police, it was them who suggested it was reported.

The OP’s post said, that there could be a suggestion there was a sexual element to it… whatever the supermarket saw on the CCTV was enough for them to be concerned… So it sounds like there could have been a crime, maybe voyeurism?

That’s a disgusting post @MathNotMathing

He could be observed doing something to himself on the CCTV whilst watching me.