Are these real threads or made up.

[Vodkaandlemonade]

Recently there are numerous threads where the OP is describing abusive behaviour from their partner/husband. Some of it is physical abuse or cheating even when there are children.
Yet most OPs keep saying that the abuser 'loves me'.

If these are real are they so desperate for a relationship that they will put up with the abuse.
Now a day's there is so much help out there to help you get away.
Womens aid etc.
Let's teach our female friends and relatives that NO ONE should be abusive.
You are strong and these partners/husbands are weak.

I don't think that a lot of these posts about being in abusive relationships are made up, I mean they could be, but I think it's more likely that when you're in such a terrible position you have more on your mind to be aware of for yourself and your children, than calmly sitting down and researching the most appropriate places to call to get help from.
You've been likely traumatised psychologically and unable to help yourself.
You might not even think that you're likely to get help, perhaps based on past experiences with family or friends.
Reaching out to other women for support from those with more experience who can relate is probably the quickest most direct way of getting some kind of help suggested.
That's why this site is very important, there's a shed load of experience to be shared by compassionate and understanding women on here.

You may be talking about a thread i posted. It's very real far from made up. The issue as you state the abuser loves me. Firstly by my own admission and i think others would agree that the other person does not see that their other half as being termed as an abuser. You get locked into a cycle of a paticular pattern that more or less normalises it. You also begin to doubt your own self worth which leads to just accepting it. If you have not been subject to narcassistic abuse then it will be hard to understand why we put up with it. Only time and courage determine when we decide enough is enough. I posted as i'm in that phaze and don't have anyone to turn to for support.

No idea whether the threads are real or not but abused women insisting their abuser loves them and / or is "a good dad" are, sadly, all too real and thats because thats what being abused does to you. It changes the way you see things.

Let's teach our female friends and relatives that NO ONE should be abusive.

By questioning whether they're lying?

Yeah, that'll work 😳

Ok, this piqued my interest enough to search your name.

You started one thread at 11.25 this morning and got no replies.

What on earth makes you think the OP is about you??

I hope no one was offended by this thread.
I just feel so sad that they are true.
@Timtom79 I haven't read your post.

You are very lucky that you have not experienced this if you think getting out is so easy.

I was cheated on prolifically. And looking back I was controlled and emotionally abused. But I had children I wanted to tuck into bed every night. He was always "sorry", my self esteem had been crushed over years of slow burn niggling.

On paper im a professional, successful woman and ultimately I was financially able to get out.

But for me.. my kids were happy. He was happy. The only one unhappy was me. If you cant imagine what it feels like to be brought so low that you consider your own happiness irrelevant.. or to not want to miss a second with your kids.. or to not wonder how your friends and family will react because he presents as Mr perfect to them..

Then you should simply consider yourself very lucky indeed.

I know your post means well. I know how frustrating it is to love some who seems unable to leave an obviously shit situation. I would have told anyone who went through what I did to get out after affair number one and never look back.

But life doesn't work like that.

Just because i go no replies does not mean that i has not been seen by the poster? I took a wild guess maybe the poster saw my thread and other threads. He posted after my thread and the topic was of the same nature.

Not sure what your issue is?

Hi, No i was thinking you may or may not have, regardless i just wanted to reply to you as others have to give you an insight into why wecfind it difficult to change our situations. I was not offended in the least with your thread as i'm fully aware it may be difficult to understand if you have never been in that situation yourself. I hope the replies given you a greater understanding.

{mention:ConShine}@ConShine

Does that reply to a poster talking about abuse make you feel happy?
Do you think you are fitting in with the raisin detre. Of mumsnet to be helpful?

Searching up someone's post??

Yes, I've right to ask someone why they think the thread is about them.

Has Justine sold Mumsnet to you?

She kept that quiet.

No I don't think you do have a right to speak in such a way to a possibly vulnerable poster, no.

I didn't ask you if you think I do?

If you want an argument, you'll have to look for one elsewhere I'm afraid.

What on earth makes you think this is an appropriate thing to post? JFC. Have some compassion!

I was upset and rather puzzled at the response by ConShine. I nearly removed my thread as it was almost as if i was being shamed and belittled for my post and that it had no replies. I don't get it but im so used to this sort of thing now.

It's a complex issue OP.

For example, if a woman has been brought up by abusive parents, that's what she understands by love.

Abusers tend to isolate you, so the dysfunction becomes your normal.

Lots of victims of abuse are in denial and abuse can be cyclical or a mixture of good and bad behaviour. They cling onto the good.

“Women’s Aid etc” 🙄

Come on, OP. If it’s so easy to prevent women from being abused, surely you can do better than “Women’s Aid etc”
Tell us exactly what to teach women, and how to support them so that they can escape abuse. Tell us how easy it is.

You are right. I have realised for sometime that's why i normalise my husbands abuse as i was brought up in a toxic family mix where i was made to tell lies and keep secrets from who I believed was my father. I was given treats for my lies in exchange so my mother could drag me and my brother to her lover daily.

A lot of the time women are told (often by their abuser) that it's not abuse. He's telling you things for your own good, he's putting you down so you don't get 'above yourself and show yourself up'. He's hitting you because your behaviour is so irrational that you 'make him so angry...'

If you're in it you can't see it for what it is.

It's not that easy.

I didn't see my abusive relationship as abuse because he spent a couple of years grooming me to lower my standards, which weren't high anyway due to my abusive childhood.

Then you don't think it's abuse because he only pushed you and it was your fault.

Next it was just a slap, and you can't really say anything because you deserved him pushing you, and did something worse this time. And on and on it goes.

But it's not like that all the time. In between times, there is happiness too.

It's easy to look back, or look from the outside and realise the abuse. It's not so easy to see things when you're in the midst of it.

There's also the fact that if you leave your child/ren will have unsupervised contact. At least if you're there he's taking it out on you, what happens when you're not there.

Also you say women's aid - which I used, but it takes a long time, they can't always help immediatly.

Abuse is so complex, its not about being desperate for a relationship ffs.