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I feel dc1 is just rude

3 replies

MoveOverToTheSea · 14/07/2025 14:44

What is acceptable and what is rude? Struggling to decide where the balance is.

dc1 is 22yo and will do his last year at Uni next year.

Dc1 is out and about a lot. And very bad at letting me know his dates.
So he said he’d arrive at my parents on the 29~30 June. I booked 3 days away for us starting on the 2nd July, picking the rental car on the 1st. Plenty of time. No rush. He then said he’d arrive in the 1st (so things were very tight) and then turned up on the 30th 😵‍💫😵‍💫 at everyone surprise.

Back home, I told him I needed him to put when he is at home on the (physical) calendar because he is coming and going a lot. Had to insist for him to do it. Then dc1 saw dh had written down some dates ‘oh that’s fine. Daddy did it’. Except 1- that was based on dates that keep changing and 2- not all the dates are on (clearly dc1 didn’t check and just gave a cursory look)
My understanding was he was back tomorrow (nothing in said calendar), leaving Thursday am again. Planned a meal I know he’d enjoy. Checked with him he was back Tuesday evening. Nope.
I’m getting annoyed. Yes this house is his house and he’ll always be welcome. But in my eyes, he is not even treating like a hotel. You book a hotel ahead (ie let them know). And he doesn’t have the decency to do that.

But am I asking too much there? Doubting myself….

OP posts:
Octavia64 · 14/07/2025 14:47

Depends why the dates are changing.

if he’s got unpredictable work shifts and is coming back to you as much as possible it may just be the way it is.

where is he when he’s not at your house?

NerrSnerr · 14/07/2025 14:48

Apart from the trip which you just needed to tell him he needed to be home before you left I don’t really see the issue. Just don’t worry about the meals etc, if you don’t know he’s coming can he just sort himself out?

MoveOverToTheSea · 14/07/2025 14:56

No work involved. It’s all about his hobbies.
He has his own house share in his Uni town.
And just doesn’t like to plan ahead too much.
Which I don’t care about as long as he lets me know.
As it is, I wouldn’t have known he won’t be here on Tuesday if I hadn’t asked/double checked.

OP posts:
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