Fuming at DP for being fuming at me for no good reason.

[Luanaa]

Am I really being unreasonable here?

DP has just announced at 10:15pm that he has invited his parents over tomorrow and plans to extend the invite to his siblings and their kids. I looked at him, as if to say ‘no you’re not’ and right away he said ‘what is the problem?’.

I explained that it is too short notice, they are not the type of people to come round and be happy with a bowl of pringles and a diet bloody coke. They expect a meal, they expect to be well hosted. They do the same for us when we go to them so I’m happy to do it BUT it must be pre arranged (at least one week in advance).

Any way, I had my side of the family round a couple of weeks ago so obviously I get all the ‘it’s one sided with you’ comments.. difference is my family’s visit was pre planned (about a week, maybe even 2) in advance.

I have two nursery age children, I haven’t been without at least one child at all times, all week, so I’m pretty much on my knees with exhaustion as it is, let alone start hosting people at short notice.

Please tell me I’m being reasonable asking for some notice?!!!

Yanbu

The answer here is fine, but he does all the hosting and prep.

And you tell his family that since you had no notice, he's in charge of food etc.

Not unreasonable in the slightest, especially not in this heat. Last thing I'd want to be doing is hosting anyone who wasn't going to be easy going/helpful/get stuck in. Also wouldn't want to be spending my Sunday morning shopping for a crowd and tidying the house.

YANBU at all!

@MissPeachyKeen That is an option, but I hate that I will be made to look the bad guy, iyswim? His family would definitely just think I’m being difficult and a out of order for not helping and making an effort. Just don’t want the situation full stop! If he is adamant in the morning that they come, then I will have to leave for the day (not complaining tbh)…

If he expects you to magically host a gang of people with no notice he's off his head.

If he's doing it himself, then it's a bit annoying that your plans for a relaxed Sunday are over but I'd get over it.

Absolutely too short notice with all you've said about their expectations. Hosting, even to own easy go family, requires buying and prepping food, cleaning up etc.

He shouldn't have invited them without prior notice so tell him to rearrange or do it all himself. Xxx

@Luanaa if it goes ahead, just tell them bluntly that you didn't know anything about it until late at night so you figured he was organising it.

when did he give this invitation by the way?

I would be busy tomorrow. Take the easiest child swimming (or something easier!), send your MIL a text to say you're looking forward to seeing them and tell her you won't be home till 5, but DH is in control of the food.

Book a last minute spa afternoon on Groupon or something. Let him know that you’ve made alternative plans for the afternoon, but you don’t want to be ‘unreasonable’ and you support him seeing his family, so if he makes up a list of what he wants to do for his families lunch you’ll pop out in the morning and pick up the supplies for him while he gets the house ready.

Leave the kids with him while you go to the shop and then drop the stuff home and head out for an afternoon of peace and quiet.

And what exactly is his plan then? What time are they arriving? What does he plan to serve them for food? How many adults and children are we talking about here?

I think you are going to have a migraine tomorrow and will regrettably need to stay in bed all day to recover!

@InfoSecInTheCity but why do his shopping in this situation?! That's mad.

My DH did this to me today too! Said last night that his parents were ‘thinking’ of coming down to visit but would confirm in the morning. Then he fucked off on his Saturday morning cycle ride and asked me to ring them to see if they were coming and what time, assuming it would be afternoon as they were staying for dinner. I rang at 10am and they had already set off, 1.5 hours away! I was livid. Had to run around cleaning and he swans in 15 minutes before they arrive and tells me to ‘chill’ about being stressed. There were many death glares and arguments through clenched teeth in the next room today 😬

Just go out. Take the dc. He can see his family..

I can't really see the issue. He can grab stuff in the morning and do a BBQ for dinner. Doesn't really take much planning or preparation.

They expect a meal, they expect to be well hosted.
That's fine but you now need to expect DP to provide them this meal. DP needs to have his entitled expectations curtailed in the most effective way possible, ie don't lift a finger. Don't shop, cook, clean, tidy, or anything that doesn't involve a lovely bath and hair styling session until HIS parents arrive.

It's called dropping the rope, and it's very freeing.

That depends what you’re cooking on the BBQ. We always season our meat and fish so that takes preparation time. We wouldn’t do burgers and sausages

He can host and invite whoever he likes. What I mean to say is, it’s massively annoying but it shouldn’t mean you have last minute, cleaning, cooking and hosting to do.
I would clean the house because my DH wouldn’t care enough to do it but other than that I’d leave it to him.

Don’t mention it again, act surprised when they start to show up “oh, it’s today, what a surprise” and get DH to get the takeaway menus out!

@TiswasPhantomFlanFlinger We BBQ most nights in the summer. Today we had grilled prawns with lime & chilli, chicken kebabs, lamb chops with garlic OO & rosemary. Grilled halumi with hot honey and a few salads. Took about an hr to prep. Throw in a jug of margaritas and some cold wine & beer. Perfect, quick and easy.

I would not be delighted either OP, but it does sound a bit like a rule you've imposed based on how prepared you need to be to be comfortable hosting. There's nothing wrong with that, but if he's prepared to play host by himself then it should be a flexible rule as it's his home too.

Personally I'd go along with his plan rather than go out - leaving sounds like it'll cause more fights and upset to me. But I'd do plenty of cheerful teasing about the food and lack of tidyness if it was a bit rubbish so his family know it wasn't you! But you never, maybe he'll pull it out of the bag and be fine. And ut doesn't really matter if they like xyz fancy type thing - they're being treated so can put up with it.

Take the kids out while he preps the food, return, eat, fein a headache and go to bed with a book.