What gave you a strong bond with your parents?

[Greatergreen]

My relationship with my mother has not been good. Lots of bullying and lies.

For those with a great upbringing what made for a lovely relationship with your parents?

With my mother, nothing, she is selfish. We're polite, but I keep her at arm's length.

With my dad, we share interests, humour, values. Wed have long car journeys together (the reasons I won't get into) from around 11yo, and we'd chat loads - play with the radio, share new/old music etc. They've become some of my fondest memories.

My mum has the same attitude to my DC as she did me, and is closer to my sister and her DC (golden child/grandchildren). My sister is a lot like my mother, so they're two peas in a pod.

I left the country when I was 20, so it's easier to keep boundaries with my mother, although I miss my dad loads. We meet up as often as we can and have video chats. Christmas with him is great!

My dps both transitioned gracefully into having a respectful relationship with us as adults, becoming more tactful, and not offering unsolicited advice. They’ve let us live life and make mistakes, been there to support, help, advise (when asked) and celebrated our wins without treating us as their own achievements and commiserated our losses without treating them as vicarious failures.

My df in particular was a very difficult parent when I was teenager but our relationship blossomed in adulthood.

Dh’s dps are the opposite - opinionated, intrusive, critical, treating their offspring as trophies and shameful secrets, and they are quite an enmeshed family, apart from one sibling who went NC after years as the black sheep. Years of consistent narcissistic patterns have been very effective at building a close family bond, but not imo, a healthy one.