Just wondering really…
went through a horrible divorce where my exh was abusive and financially controlling in the marriage and then even more so afterwards. He tortured me for literally years and even now won’t provide clothes for the kids at his house.
I took on a lot of debt through the divorce to pay for the divorce costs and to meet our living expenses as I had no job or steady income. It was insanely stressful and at one point I had like 20k of debt in loans etc.
ive mostly moved passed it now - won the divorce case, bought a new house and have a good steady job with an income that provides for us and a bit to spare. Have a bit in savings and 3k on an interest free CC (because i earn more in interest in savings) but am otherwise debt free. Am living within my means. It’s taken a real slog to get here and a long time of throwing everything at the debts and watching every penny even while earning okay.
here’s the catch - I think I’ve traumatised myself. I’m always thinking about money. I check my bank all the time, running calculations about how much I have til I get paid or x happens or whatever, thinking about what ifs. We’ve been on holiday (a cheap one!) and I’ve bought the kids new summer stuff (on vinted) so I can spend but I find it all so stressful, all the time.
I also feel so angry with my ex - I HATE that he won’t provide for the kids to get at me but mostly I hate that it provokes me and triggers my response. I feel so traumatised by what happened to the kids and how their lives changed. It was like our lives were a house of cards that just vanished.
It was in 2021- but it dragged on so long we only sold the house in March this year. I really thought I’d be moving through it by now but I can’t shake it. Anyone else had this and how did it pan out for you?