How do you tell long term partner it’s over

[User09876543210]

I’ve decided I no longer want to be with my partner anymore we have been together for about 15 years and have a child and a house together

I find it so hard to communicate with him because he will gaslight me and twist my words he can be verbally abusive and is quick to anger I find it expressing my feelings face to face really difficult and I know I will forget about what I have said and he will goad me knowing I will get flustered and not be able to say what I need to say.

I want to send him a text to say it’s over which I know is a really shitty way of doing it but I cannot think of any other way to successfully communicate to him that I don’t want to be in a relationship anymore. What can I put to make it clear there is no going back. Whilst at the same time not upsetting him so he makes things worse than they need to be.

I have this so far

I cant do this anymore I am so unhappy
We need to look into selling the house and splitting up
My mum is coming over next week and I’ll tell her what’s happening and look into speaking to the mortgage company a solicitor and getting the house valued
Please be rational about it for childs sake they are the one that’s going to be most affected
I have been thinking about this for sometime we are both miserable with each other and our relationship hasn’t been a loving one for a while

I kind of understand this, I've been in a similar situation. Probably a lot of people will say it's not ok to break up by text, but if you can't do it any other way due to his behaviour there's no choice really. The only other thing I can suggest is doing it by phone call and writing down beforehand every point you want to make

If you are doing to send a text, make sure you include everything you want to say so that you don't get involved in a long text conversation. Maybe add "This is my final decision'.

You can’t and a 15 year relationship via text

Why's this not in Relationships? It's not chat as such!

I ended mine over FaceTime but we were in 2 different countries at the time. It did make it easier for me just because he would have been hard work if we were in the same room.

do it via text if it’s the only way he will take heed and listen. Absolutely nothing wrong with it so ignore the poster who said don’t

Why not? It sounds like OP isn’t ever heard so they want to spell it out.

I'd maybe see the solicitor first and know where you stand financially and what steps you need to take. It might help you feel more prepared for whatever he throws at you afterwards.
Maybe get the house valued if you can do it without him knowing too.
Delaying a week or so to arm yourself with info and show him you mean it won't alter anything in the long run.

I think ending it by text is fine since you know how he'll respond it's totally understandable.