I’m not one of those people that others listen to - can anyone relate?

[yellowponyclub]

I feel like there’s a trend in my life, not just at work but also in social situations. There are some people who just seem to have so much authority with others. People believe what they say even when it’s absolute rubbish. I am the complete opposite and I don’t know how to fix it!

For example, I was at an event last night where someone stated something as fact which I was 99% sure wasn’t true. It was a really trivial thing (someone else’s profession) but important to the conversation so I politely corrected it.

The other person stuck to their guns and I said they were wrong as diplomatically as I could but eventually I backed down as I didn’t want to start an argument. When I went home I checked the info online and I was right. And yet at the time I could tell that nobody else in the conversation believed me, they all believed the other person.

This is just one example but this is a pattern that has continued all my life. It leaves me feeling so indignant, why is it that people don’t trust what I say? What am I doing wrong? Why is it that some people just get automatically believed no matter what they say?

Should’ve checked online there and then and took the argument

Yes me.

People just don’t seem to hear me in conversation, talk over me, etc. However, people often infer that I am well respected, knowledgeable, etc. It’s like I’m in some bloody weird parallel universe.

Did your parents listen/acknowledge you as a child or were you dismissed and your opinions poo pooed? I think that’s my problem.

That's always been my experience OP: the most ignorant people are the loudest with their opinions and people listen to them because they are so vocal and sure of themselves.

I gave up a long time ago even trying to contradict people even when I know I'm right because experience has taught me nobody will ever listen to me.

It's a self fulfilling thing for me actually. Because I was quiet and assuming I learnt not to even bother arguing a point so I became even more invisible .

I wonder if it’s something to do with your tone of voice or inflections. Most of our understanding comes from non verbal information, not from the actual spoken words.

I have to raise my voice to get my say sometimes. I have some colleagues who are far too fond of the sound of their own voices.

And then I get accused of being loud 🙄

Oh @DelphiniumDoreen I've just seen your post and your point about parents not listening is so valid.
My father's rule of thumb , often expressed to us, was " children should be seen and not heard".
My opinions and feelings never counted for anything as a child and it definitely has affected my whole life.

I've not got a much voice strength and it is low pitched so that's a fair point when I think I'm being ignored.

You can only hope a lot of those people had their doubts about Bigmouth being correct too but didn’t want to speak up at the time and went home and googled it and realised @yellowponyclub was right all along.

Even if you had proved them wrong by looking it up you would still have been in the wrong for making a big deal about it.
The trick is to say the correction then if they push back just laugh and say you’re wrong but it’s not worth the argument. And walk away or change the subject.

It’s will be a combination of your delivery, intonation and body language.

I went to a function recently, the majority of people there were related to DH and they are very clever people, most of them have degrees from Cambridge or Oxford. They know their stuff but I could see how some of them could be overlooked in conversations. One of the cousins especially has a very soft, thin voice and does not speak with confidence. Lovely woman, she will chat very feely to me one to one.

i experience this a bit, my voice is often not heard in a group situation and I have to repeat myself ☹️. And I don’t have a quiet voice either! I’m not sure what it is!

selective hearing? They’re just not tuned in to listen to me?

Have a look at Susan Heaton Wright at Superstar Communicator - she’s great on how to get your voice heard and speak with authority.

I only have two friends who listen to me properly and allow me to speak. We have proper back and forth conversations and it feels so nice to be heard. Everyone else just speaks over me. I just leave them to it now as I can't be bothered. I don't like it when doctors, dentists or people in shops don't let you talk though.

Is this you OP? 😝

Me. I feel invisible sometimes.

Yup. Me too.
What's annoying is that I'm often put in charge at work and have to do a kinda team meeting at the start of a shift. Nobody listens!
I've literally shouted at people, had pointed conversations with myself, or just walked off and pretended we had a meeting.
Although I am better then I used to be. When I was younger I had to send a friend in to shops and bars because it was like I genuinely was invisible!

Don't tell people they're wrong, they dont like it, just say lightly, 'oh really, I thought abc' as if you're prepared to think you're the one who is mistaken. Then stop. Don't say it again. Move on...!
People will be listening, and possibly agree with you, they just don't join in, as it's not seen as polite to pile in on an argument, and awkward. They can judge for themselves who is right, and they prefer not to get involved.
It used to be called assertiveness training back in the 80s, knowing when to be quiet is just as assertive as knowing when to speak.
Maybe think about your tone of voice and how you might be making the other person feel, specially in a group?
Working in male dominated role I had loads of practice in trying to get them to listen, its not easy. Just remember some of them will be listening, the good ones!