Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Memories from counselling

5 replies

Notsurewheretoturn · 10/07/2025 23:11

I've been doing private counselling for a few weeks. It's going well but has unearthed some hidden childhood memories that I don't even know are real. For example..
I remember when I wad about 6 my mum got in such a temper she smashed a glass bottle, there was blood everywhere and fainted.

I remember all out toys being thrown out and my grandad finding them in bin bags the next day.

I remember being woken in the night by her screaming to get the house tidied and throwing clothes everywhere.

I told the counsellor this and I said I feel like I'm either gaslighted myself or these things didn't happen. I wouldn't ask my sibling as we're not close.

OP posts:
Milliejayb · 10/07/2025 23:14

I have a lot of suppressed memories from a traumatic childhood, when I was 25 a few memories started coming back that was triggered by one of my siblings telling my mum about something that happened - I didn’t even know it happened to him but we were both involved so it just goes to show how much your brain tries to protect itself. Hope you’re okay. X

SquishedMallow · 10/07/2025 23:16

This is why I don't personally advocate for counselling.

Personally, I feel it can turn into a navel gazing e exercise that can fixate on the past and continually regurgitate old memories and ends up with "no contacts" and lifelong grudges.

What positives have you gained from these memories that you'd forgotten? Do you think it's helping you ?

There is a place for talking through ones past. But I think it only helps if it causes you to recognise patterns in behaviour and then it's used as a learning point to recognise your own behaviours and beliefs in relation to those patterns and then attempt to alter the negatives to give you a better future.

Original poster
Notsurewheretoturn · 10/07/2025 23:17

SquishedMallow · 10/07/2025 23:16

This is why I don't personally advocate for counselling.

Personally, I feel it can turn into a navel gazing e exercise that can fixate on the past and continually regurgitate old memories and ends up with "no contacts" and lifelong grudges.

What positives have you gained from these memories that you'd forgotten? Do you think it's helping you ?

There is a place for talking through ones past. But I think it only helps if it causes you to recognise patterns in behaviour and then it's used as a learning point to recognise your own behaviours and beliefs in relation to those patterns and then attempt to alter the negatives to give you a better future.

I hadn't forgotten them though. I remember them intermittently. It taught me I didn't have a safe home which I knew. It might explain some of my avoidant behaviour?

OP posts:
SquishedMallow · 10/07/2025 23:21

Notsurewheretoturn · 10/07/2025 23:17

I hadn't forgotten them though. I remember them intermittently. It taught me I didn't have a safe home which I knew. It might explain some of my avoidant behaviour?

Show quote history

Sorry, I'm not critisising you at all. I'm cynical and critical of counselling itself. But I am biased as I didn't find it helpful for me, so don't take my reply personally. It's just my opinion based on my experience.

FrijolesFrijoles · 10/07/2025 23:21

SquishedMallow · 10/07/2025 23:16

This is why I don't personally advocate for counselling.

Personally, I feel it can turn into a navel gazing e exercise that can fixate on the past and continually regurgitate old memories and ends up with "no contacts" and lifelong grudges.

What positives have you gained from these memories that you'd forgotten? Do you think it's helping you ?

There is a place for talking through ones past. But I think it only helps if it causes you to recognise patterns in behaviour and then it's used as a learning point to recognise your own behaviours and beliefs in relation to those patterns and then attempt to alter the negatives to give you a better future.

What a load of avoidant nonsense. There’s nothing ‘navel gazing’ about recognising suppressed memories from your past, and the OP is already aware she didn’t have a sagpfe home. She’s almost certainly living with the effects of thst on a daily basis. And being unsure whether they happened is something to explore further, slowly and in your own good time, OP. You don’t have to run right at difficult stuff.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page