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Original poster

My DM wedding ring has been stolen from her - any advice?

15 replies

Futurehappiness · 10/07/2025 19:17

My DM has dementia and is in a care facility, and they reported her ring is missing from her hand. Due to circumstances we are sure it must have been stolen, it has been reported to the police & we have a crime ref.

Does anyone have advice about what we might do to try to retrieve it, and what we can expect in terms of follow up etc? I have asked a local jeweller about their protocols if anyone offers them items to sell, and they seem to have protocols in place....I have also checked sites like Ebay & Etsy in case anything is on sale.

I am not sure how much the police will be able to do to retrieve it...can anyone advise on what we can expect there?

OP posts:

Troubleclef · 10/07/2025 19:19

I would imagine it is another resident who has it. Same thing happened to me mum and it turned up on another inmate’s hand. We learnt not to let her have anything of value there.

Smartiepants79 · 10/07/2025 19:22

Who do you believe to have taken it?
Staff or another resident? Is it easily identified? Would the care home put up a missing poster? Might jog some relatives to look out for it when they visit.

Original poster

Futurehappiness · 10/07/2025 19:23

Thanks for letting me know & I am sorry the same happened to your DM. We certainly haven't ruled out it being taken by another resident....in which case we are hopeful it will turn up if it is searched for. It wouldn't be easy though to remove from her hand.

It could also be a visitor or (worst of all) a member of staff, the worst is not knowing.

OP posts:

Smartiepants79 · 10/07/2025 19:23

This is why we kept pretty much all my grandmothers real jewellery when she went into care (at her request) she kept her ring but that couldn’t be removed.

cyvguhb · 10/07/2025 19:23

Who do you think took it? I don't suppose there is any kind of universal process for this type of problem

Stuff going missing is a constant issue in hospitals and care homes

DiscoBob · 10/07/2025 19:24

It could've fallen off, and an unscrupulous staff member pocketed it. Or another resident could've borrowed it/ picked it up by accident.

I know that dementia sufferers can get a bit klepto seeming. But it's more to do with lack of boundaries and forgetting what's yours and what isn't.

There's a show with ted danson trying to solve a jewellery theft in a care home. Inside man I think it's called? It's quite cute.

Try not to worry too much. Ultimately it's more important to help her not worry about it than to find it really.

Original poster

Futurehappiness · 10/07/2025 19:26

Smartiepants79 · 10/07/2025 19:23

This is why we kept pretty much all my grandmothers real jewellery when she went into care (at her request) she kept her ring but that couldn’t be removed.

We have all her other jewellery safe @Smartiepants79 but we felt uncomfortable about stripping her of a ring that has never left her hand in 60 years. Unfortunately someone else had no such qualms.

That is a good idea about a poster, I may suggest that to the home.

OP posts:

Original poster

Futurehappiness · 10/07/2025 19:30

I am really not sure who (if anyone) took it, the worst is not knowing. It is not about the ring itself just the thought that someone may deliberately have taken it off her.

She is bed bound & doesnt ever leave her room now so someone would have to go in there.

OP posts:

Original poster

Futurehappiness · 10/07/2025 19:32

I think the ring was tight on her finger, it would be difficult to take off. There seems to be a slight bruise where the ring had been though not 100% sure.

OP posts:

Douane · 10/07/2025 19:44

Yours is a very disheartening story @Futurehappiness but v unfortunately not uncommon in similar circumstances.
This is a good lesson for those reading to consider taking photographs of valuable items such as a ring that has never left their married relatives finger so that if the unfortunate need arises at least a poster with a photograph of the ring could help identify it if it was taken by another resident.
I'm sorry this happened to your family and to your DM, it's doubly sad when you consider your DMs condition.
I do hope that it will be located.

Original poster

Futurehappiness · 10/07/2025 19:57

Douane · 10/07/2025 19:44

Thanks very much @Douane . We do have some photos of her valuables so we can check if there is one of this.....though it is just a plain gold band so not much to distinguish it. Yes we feel very sad about it & can only do the best we can to try to get it back.

OP posts:

Katherineryan1986 · 10/07/2025 20:11

Troubleclef · 10/07/2025 19:19

I would imagine it is another resident who has it. Same thing happened to me mum and it turned up on another inmate’s hand. We learnt not to let her have anything of value there.

“Inmate” ? Really?

Unless your relative is in prison I think you should refer to the people as ‘residents’ or perhaps ‘patients’ if it’s a nursing home.

My MIL’s wedding ring went missing and she was found to be wearing a different one. Eventually her own ring was found and the one she was wearing went into lost property as no-one had reported it missing. We don’t know where the mix up / swap occurred.

I’m sorry your mum’s ring is missing. I hope it turns up having dropped under the bed or somesuch.

WearyAuldWumman · 10/07/2025 20:13

I'm so sorry.

My grandmother's ring was taken from my mum's home while mum was in respite. I'd foolishly left the key in the keybox.

A carer tipped us off that another carer was already under investigation. The care company got quite stroppy and said that Mum would have to be fingerprinted by the police, etc, so I dropped reporting it - didn't want Mum to know that the ring was gone. (Mum had dementia. We were in the process of moving her to live with us.)

I later realised that any plain gold jewellery had been taken previously. This time, there was evidence that I must have interrupted the thief. The keybox was for the back door and I'd entered through the front.

I phoned the local cash for gold shop - the owner said he could only confirm the name of the culprit if the police intervened. I wish now I'd gone ahead with it.

I informed Mum's social worker. The carer who'd tipped me off had told me that the thief's name had appeared in a local court report. I passed the details to the SW. That was enough for the Care Commission to strike the thief off.

I should have removed all Mum's jewellery from the house, but didn't want to clear the house as if she were already dead. Not all jewellery was taken - only plain gold or silver.

ETA My point is that nothing easily identifiable was removed. After this, I realised that this was where mum's cash had gone missing as well.

Marylou62 · 10/07/2025 20:15

I'm so sorry this has happened.. I was going to come on and say that my DM was always 'giving away' all her belongings including her jewellery but the staff always managed to retrieve it and eventually we took it away from her (she didn't notice). I'm wearing her engagement ring now..
But I saw you saying it was tight and she is bed bound..
You are right to kick up a fuss and get it investigated...
Again I'm so sorry... dementia is the pits..

helpfulperson · 10/07/2025 20:54

Have you been through all your DM's clothes, bags, drawers etc? Dementia patients will often put things in unexpected places. She may have taken it off and put it somewhere. I would ask the home to speak to all staff and ask in case it has been taken off for some reason and put somewhere. Do you know when the last time you saw her with it on?

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