Would we regret just having one child?

[Playdoh45]

I am an only child. I always thought I'd have two and give my child a sibling but I have serious doubts at the moment about going 1 to 2.

some background.... great DP (together 10 years) currently 32. We have an 18 month old little boy. He's a great sleeper which helps. I work part-time (3 days and 4 days a week alternating) luckily mostly from home.
We have zero help. Family are all 24 hour travel away. Friends currently offer to babysit so we do get a dinner / cinema trip etc which is lovely.

We have a lovely home which we designed and built. Plan to stay here a long time and no work needs done currently. Leftover money each week. Just started getting a cleaner (helped massively!!)

I struggled with ppd. Maternity was quite lonely with no one 'popping in' like my mum etc. I made some great mum friends and I went out of the house religiously daily. Hated being stuck in!

I finally feel like I am 'just' managing. Still having bad days here and there. I just feel like another baby would turn our world upside down and it'll never get to this point.
Money would also be a lot more stretched and our time. No guarantees the next would sleep aswell either!!

Has anyone else thought they'd have two and changed your mind?
I am so fearful we will regret it down the track.

I think it’s better to regret not having a child or another child rather than regret having one.

I like the idea of two (or more) but it’s the idea of it. I think on days when DC has brought a bug home or when work has been busy and I think I will not enjoy those days. You also don’t know what your second child will be like. They could be a high needs baby or have additional needs. For me, two feels like too much of a gamble that I might stop enjoying parenting.

You’ve said you were an only child and always thought you’d give your child a sibling. Don’t do it to give them a sibling. There is no guarantee that your children will get on. Have another child because you want one. All the reasons you’ve listed to stay at one will be equally valid if you decided you wanted two but you just wouldn’t care, you’d go for it anyway. When you’re looking for excuses not to, you don’t want to.

I thought I'd have 3
I have 1 teenage DD. I haven't regretted not having more

I started questioning whether to have more when DD was around a year old. When she was around 8 we made a permanent birth control choice. It took that long to come to a decision. In that time I never felt that burning desire to have another baby that I'd felt when I wanted to have her, no ticking biological clock. But I was scared that something would change in the future and I'd regret it. Nothing has changed though. It was fear of regret that stopped me deciding for so long.

My reasons were similar to your own, my health and wellbeing - both physical and mental, money, the lifestyle we could offer.

My concerns were only about her being lonely as a child and as an adult with aging parents. But we are able to afford clubs and prioritise her friendships. We have money and time to say yes to her more than if we had 2 or 3 to consider the needs of. She has a fantastic group of friends, she's very sociable and confident. And my experience with families I've known is that there are no guarantees that siblings are going to get along or even like each other, as children or adults.

I don't think as an only child myself I have ever felt particularly lonely. I make friends quite easily and my son is already quite confident therefore leading to likely the same. He loves being around other kids and I socialise him alot!

I just keep thinking how much energy and time I can pour into him if we just have the one. Even potential private school (not ridiculously expensive in the country we live but likely not manageable for two!). It's also a very sporty place we live and therefore it would be easy to take him to lots of activities.

A crystal ball would be great haha!

We stuck with one. The decision tortured me for a good few years and then I started to realise that DS wasn’t lonely or spoilt. He’s 16 now and he’s had such a lovely childhood. The cost of the teenage years and the next few years to come has really made me relieved that we didn’t have anymore. We would have been struggling so much at this point. As it goes, we’ve been able to save for his 1st car, driving lessons and a house deposit. We couldn’t have done that with 2.

He's never said he wanted a sibling, maybe that’ll change as he gets older but I genuinely don’t think he’s suffered for not having one.

Things that have really helped though were play dates. I made a huge effort with them through the primary school years so he always had someone to play with. As he’s got older he was allowed to bring a friend on holiday and now his girlfriend comes with us. I think it’s also important to give them some breathing space, don’t be too over bearing, don’t give them too much attention. I’ve not wanted him to feel suffocated.

I personally wouldn't let short term difficulty stop me from having the family size I wanted. It is hard and I understand why you are so daunted but in the grand scheme of things, the postpartum period, the sleepless nights, the tantrums are a few years of your life and you have your entire life to lead.

The only long term factor you mention is money, which is of course a valid consideration. I would only consider this point from the points you mention above, in deciding the future (if it was me).

Obviously it's entirely up to you.

Only 1 here. She loves it. She knows if there a sibling (and she sees friends with siblings) there would be less of everything and more arguments etc. She lives the dream imo but she is nice with it

We’re both only children and stopped at one. At one point I vaguely thought we might have two, but so glad we didn’t.

I found the sixth form/exams/learning to drive years really stressful and was very glad I only had to do it once.

I loathed pregnancy and felt it took a really long time to recover, really didn’t want to go through that again. Plus children are spectacularly expensive.

I don't see an issue with staying at one so long as you ensure he has lots of friendship opportunities. I barely see or speak to my sister and we haven't fallen out just nothing in common.

I think this comes down to your personality.

None of us know what the road we didn't take would have been like for us.

Some people have a personality and psychology where they tend to look at what they are missing/ isn't great in their life and think back and think ' if only..'

Some people have a personality where they focus on what is going well in their life and so don't need to look back.

No judgement on either of those personalities - but which one your personality is closest to, is likely to indicate how content you will be with whatever choice you make.

Why not decide not right now and see how you feel in 6 months / a few years? It took till my first was 2.5 for us to be sure we wanted another. I wanted 3 or 4, but we've finally decided 2 is good for us. I agree with a PP that it would be much worse to regret having a child than to regret not having one/another.

I always thought I wanted 2, but actually having 1 has completely fulfilled my life and I have no regrets. We have only had 1 by choice.

My child is abit older now and I have never yearned for another, not do I get broody when I see babies. Friends have said they didnt feel like thier family was complete until they had had 2 or 3.

Most importantly, a second/third child should never be forced if one parent only wants one/ another, but the other feels strongly against it.

the reason I sort of want to make a decision is if we want another it will affect our financial decisions now ...,