I seriously cannot tell anymore.
I met this woman a few years ago. We’re both from the same European country, both married to English men, living in the same UK town. We became friendly but beyond the shared background and liking each other well enough, there was no deep connection. So we met for coffees from time to time and little else.
Then she got divorced and became very unhappy and started leaning heavily on me for company. I stepped up and saw her regularly, far more than I normally would have with someone I wasn’t especially close to, because I could see she was struggling. I wanted to help her through a difficult patch, but I also knew I needed to keep some distance, as the dynamic felt unbalanced from early on.
At one point I introduced her to a hobby that she said she wanted to learn. I spent many hours helping her to get started but she never continued with it when she wasn't with me so there was no progress. Eventually she admitted she had no intention of doing it on her own and had only agreed so she could spend time with me. At the time I thought that was kind of a nice thing to do, but now I feel a bit used.
She is quite a consuming person. Conversations revolved entirely around her. I would listen for hours, but whenever I tried to share anything of my own, she would direct the conversation back to herself immediately.
I’m freelance and asked if she could give me some honest feedback on my website. It was a small ask, maybe thirty minutes of her time. She refused unless we met up in person and turned it into a full social event. It felt that unless she got companionship out of it, she wasn’t willing to help me just for the sake of helping. So I felt like she wanted my presence, but not necessarily me as a person, just as a human body that would solve her loneliness temporarily.
On the surface she came across as friendly and warm and wanting to see me lots, but I’m now wondering whether I misread the whole thing and she just wanted someone, anyone.