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Original poster

Lowering baby to cot WITHOUT them bouncing awake

27 replies

m00ngirl · 08/07/2025 20:48

It’s a fine art I clearly haven’t mastered.

Has anyone cracked the code? Any tips?!

My 4mo bounces awake as soon as she feels her mattress - only for night sleeps, she seems to tolerate her cot during the day…

Ive tried
waiting 5-20mins after she falls asleep before transfer to cot
hot water bottle to warm up mattress (cant in this heat though)
hold baby’s arms in to stop startle response
hold baby close to body whilst lowering
keep hand on head after lowering
attempt to soothe in cot when stirs (doesn’t work)

I’m about to do my sixth lowering attempt tonight 😬

OP posts:
realsavagelike · 08/07/2025 20:49

Can't be done!

Fleur405 · 08/07/2025 20:51

I also think it can’t be done and the people who say “put them down drowsy but awake” are just fucking with us.

okydokethen · 08/07/2025 20:53

Only thing that worked for me when baby fed to sleep (to a real deep sleep/relax) was actually rousing her slightly as you place in cot, not holding her close, slightly outstretched arms so it’s not really snuggly, then they go in awake but barely then sshhhh and step away and pray.

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xhines · 08/07/2025 20:53

Think you’re supposed to lay them heels first, then legs, then body, then head - does that make sense? Supposed to stop the reflex. I only learned this after my son was putting himself to bed, so no idea if it works. Good luck 🤞

Original poster
m00ngirl · 08/07/2025 20:53

@realsavagelikeyep
@Fleur405agree, drowsy but awake is nothing but a danger zone

OP posts:
okydokethen · 08/07/2025 20:53

@Fleur405- it was a while ago but it’s an art form!

Bitzee · 08/07/2025 20:54

As always first response nails it. It can’t be done. Either into the cot awake or not at all.

BuffaloCauliflower · 08/07/2025 20:57

They’re biologically programmed to sleep touching us, like other baby apes do with their mothers. They know instinctively when they’re separated, it’s survival. I fed mine to sleep in the bed and just left them where they laid. Sod fucking around with multiple failed transfers all night, I wanted to sleep.

Spotthering · 08/07/2025 20:57

Fleur405 · 08/07/2025 20:51

I also think it can’t be done and the people who say “put them down drowsy but awake” are just fucking with us.

They’re the ones blessed with easier children and think it’s their perfect parenting rather than luck of the draw when it comes to your child’s personality and sleep!

Sorry OP, no advice. Have you tried putting her down on your bed and then transfer when she’s in a very deep sleep?

Loveshine · 08/07/2025 20:59

My trick was always to lower into cot as close to my body as possible and then push my hands into the mattress to give me some space to glide them out one at a time while still keep my body over the baby. Sadly I've no similar trick for my three year old who is fighting sleeping tonight.

realsavagelike · 08/07/2025 21:08

BuffaloCauliflower · 08/07/2025 20:57

They’re biologically programmed to sleep touching us, like other baby apes do with their mothers. They know instinctively when they’re separated, it’s survival. I fed mine to sleep in the bed and just left them where they laid. Sod fucking around with multiple failed transfers all night, I wanted to sleep.

Totally!

StrictlyAFemaleFemale · 08/07/2025 21:08

If you're feeding to sleep then put a Muslim underneath them before feeding and then lower them in.

DS always went in drowsy but awake and was quite easy. Dd not so much.

Spotthering · 08/07/2025 21:41

StrictlyAFemaleFemale · 08/07/2025 21:08

If you're feeding to sleep then put a Muslim underneath them before feeding and then lower them in.

DS always went in drowsy but awake and was quite easy. Dd not so much.

I guess the difficult thing with that approach is finding a Muslim to lie underneath them!

LegoHouse274 · 08/07/2025 22:35

Things that have helped us have more success with my kids has been as PP said starting the lowering with legs first then bum etc so moving hand from underneath head is the last thing to be moved. That and wrapping baby in a blanket or having them in sleeping bag before the transfer so there's not a big temperature change and don't have to disturb them further putting covers on them in bed. 4 months is little though, I had more and more success with transfers as they got older. My youngest is 8 months now and he only wakes on transfer a few times a week if he has a feed at like 5am.pr later because the sleep pressure is less then and the room is lighter. Other than that he stays asleep when put down in his cot bed.

WhereAreMyKids · 08/07/2025 22:39

I used to breast feed with a wrap over my front then when they were in the dead arm stage swaddle them and kinda boob push them into the cot and release. It's got a 50/50 chance of fucking working.

Bed share.

Kchs232 · 08/07/2025 22:43

If anyone knows the secret I'd love to know too. I'm currently trying and failing with my 18 month old. It gets harder the older they are, but 18 month sleep regression here we are.

Autumn1990 · 08/07/2025 23:03

Sometimes worked if I had a baby sheepskin in the cot. I had a travel cot with a high setting that made it easier.
when dc were older I fed them to sleep in an empty double bed and rolled away and went to sleep in a different bed.

hereismydog · 08/07/2025 23:14

StrictlyAFemaleFemale · 08/07/2025 21:08

If you're feeding to sleep then put a Muslim underneath them before feeding and then lower them in.

DS always went in drowsy but awake and was quite easy. Dd not so much.

Ahhh, so that’s where I’ve been going wrong! I’ve been putting a Hindu under DS all this time Grin

TangerinePlate · 08/07/2025 23:20

Mission impossible 🤷‍♀️. These days are long gone(thank goodness for that) but I still remember DS opening his one eye when put down

Original poster
m00ngirl · 08/07/2025 23:57

WhereAreMyKids · 08/07/2025 22:39

I used to breast feed with a wrap over my front then when they were in the dead arm stage swaddle them and kinda boob push them into the cot and release. It's got a 50/50 chance of fucking working.

Bed share.

Great technique!

“dead arm stage” so often becomes the flailing arm stage

OP posts:
Psychicpineapple · 09/07/2025 00:01

As you are lowering the baby in keep one hand on their chest with a gentle pressure. It stops the feeling of falling they get that makes them startle awake.
Keep your hand there for a few minutes.

whynotmereally · 09/07/2025 06:38

So I had a lowered cot side and would keep baby against my chest while lowering then once down and hands are free loft slowly up. Are they in a sleeping bag?
But ultimately you need to teach baby to fall asleep themselves, they are far less likely to cry inthe night if they know where they are and have the ability to fall back to sleep . To do this they need to be going down slightly awake

pinkisthenew · 09/07/2025 06:41

@Spottheringand @hereismydog 😂😂😂😂

StrictlyAFemaleFemale · 09/07/2025 07:23

hereismydog · 08/07/2025 23:14

Ahhh, so that’s where I’ve been going wrong! I’ve been putting a Hindu under DS all this time Grin

Show quote history

Argh autocorrect! I wrote muslin I promise!

Sunshineandgrapefruit · 09/07/2025 08:11

Put them down as they fall asleep. Keep one hand lightly on chest and I used the stroke forehead between eyes which seemed to get mine to sleep, then decrease the stroking and take hand off chest for 10 secs back on the 20 secs then back on then 30 secs etc etc until it's clear they're not waking. Then all you have to do is mission impossible it out of the room avoiding teddies, creaky floorboards etc etc. Sometimes you get to that stage and have to repeat it all again. It's soul destroying!