Dd told her father she liked a girl

Ddlovedd · 2025-07-08T18:34:42+00:00

Dd had never seen her father until recently. She's 15. They have been in contact for 3 months. Yesterday dd told him there is a girl she likes in more than a friend way. He started saying oh no not you as well . His adult son is gay. Don't do this to me etc. Dd thought she could say something because he had a gay son. He then started telling her how it made him feel and how upset he was. He also said when he got of the phone to dd. That he was crying his eyes out. Oh and he said he ended the call earlier than normal because of what dd told him. What are your thoughts on this? Wwyd.

mummysmagicmedicine · 08/07/2025 19:35

Make sure she is supported by you. She may feel upset and angry and take it out on you but she needs to know despite her dad her mum loves her for who she is.

Ketzele · 08/07/2025 20:08

What a shithead. Your poor dd. Sorry, finding it hard to respond constructively because my own deadbeat absent dad did similar when I came out, despite his long career shagging anything that moves including blokes.

purplecheesecat · 08/07/2025 20:19

Oh this is so sad, poor DD. Make sure she knows that you are there for her, that you support her, and that you’re happy to listen to her/advise her about this girl! Tell her how loved she is by you and the other people around her, and that your support will be stronger than any ignorance from the part of her father

ErrolTheDragon · 08/07/2025 20:24

My thoughts on this? That she’s unfortunate enough to be the daughter of a massively self-centred homophobe. I’m not sure he’s worthy of being really called her ‘father’, he’s no idea of decent fatherhood, has he?

does she want to continue being in contact with him? I certainly wouldn’t blame her if she gave up on him after this, it’d be 100% on him.

Original poster

Ddlovedd · 08/07/2025 20:26

Ketzele · 08/07/2025 20:08

What a shithead. Your poor dd. Sorry, finding it hard to respond constructively because my own deadbeat absent dad did similar when I came out, despite his long career shagging anything that moves including blokes.

Yeah I was thinking. Not a good start is it. I told her that its his issue and he should not be putting his issues on to her. Im sorry you went through that.

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SquishedMallow · 08/07/2025 20:30

I mean, he must feel a little bit of , I dunno, 'grief' I suppose that both of his children are not going to have a "traditional" life potentially. But, as an adult, you keep that to yourself or talk through your feelings with a trusted person, you don't go and offload all your negativity onto the very person who's confided in you! Especially a daughter that he's had pitifully little to do with up until this point. It's a massive overreaction and shows lack of empathy and maturity. Doesn't sound like he's going to be a particularly positive influence in her life does it ?

Original poster

Ddlovedd · 08/07/2025 20:31

ErrolTheDragon · 08/07/2025 20:24

My thoughts on this? That she’s unfortunate enough to be the daughter of a massively self-centred homophobe. I’m not sure he’s worthy of being really called her ‘father’, he’s no idea of decent fatherhood, has he?

does she want to continue being in contact with him? I certainly wouldn’t blame her if she gave up on him after this, it’d be 100% on him.

In the last 3 months hes been the best thing since sliced bread. Maybe the cracks are starting to show.

OP posts:

Original poster

Ddlovedd · 08/07/2025 20:37

SquishedMallow · 08/07/2025 20:30

I mean, he must feel a little bit of , I dunno, 'grief' I suppose that both of his children are not going to have a "traditional" life potentially. But, as an adult, you keep that to yourself or talk through your feelings with a trusted person, you don't go and offload all your negativity onto the very person who's confided in you! Especially a daughter that he's had pitifully little to do with up until this point. It's a massive overreaction and shows lack of empathy and maturity. Doesn't sound like he's going to be a particularly positive influence in her life does it ?

I agree and the fact that shes a child. She may not even know her sexuality. But regardless he should still respect her and her choices.

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TourdeFrance2025 · 08/07/2025 20:42

Ddlovedd · 08/07/2025 20:31

In the last 3 months hes been the best thing since sliced bread. Maybe the cracks are starting to show.

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Of course he has!

Hard for you to hear after him having had nothing to do with her. But sadly he was always going to let her down again. No one that chooses to have no part in their child's life for years us ever going to suddenly become a rock they can rely on!!

Poor DD to have had all that utter bollocks from the idiot. Lots if broken dreams about what her Dad would be like when he finally realised he wanted to be part of her life.

As you have probably done for years. Just be there for her. Make sure she understands seeing him or not is HER choice, she owes him nothing! TRY not to say anything negative as she might become defensive rather than realise what a twat he is.

It's hard to watch them be hurt, again & again!!

I suppose, at least, it's opened up the conversation about it between you & DD.

EDIT: well, she's 15, not 5, so I wouldn't say to her that she's a child & nay not know her iwn mind. She may be gay, she might get in a relationship with a girl & decide no, it's actually not for her. She may be bi. Maybe as she didn't tell you she likes this girl she was worried about your reaction!

Original poster

Ddlovedd · 08/07/2025 21:15

TourdeFrance2025 · 08/07/2025 20:42

Of course he has!

Hard for you to hear after him having had nothing to do with her. But sadly he was always going to let her down again. No one that chooses to have no part in their child's life for years us ever going to suddenly become a rock they can rely on!!

Poor DD to have had all that utter bollocks from the idiot. Lots if broken dreams about what her Dad would be like when he finally realised he wanted to be part of her life.

As you have probably done for years. Just be there for her. Make sure she understands seeing him or not is HER choice, she owes him nothing! TRY not to say anything negative as she might become defensive rather than realise what a twat he is.

It's hard to watch them be hurt, again & again!!

I suppose, at least, it's opened up the conversation about it between you & DD.

EDIT: well, she's 15, not 5, so I wouldn't say to her that she's a child & nay not know her iwn mind. She may be gay, she might get in a relationship with a girl & decide no, it's actually not for her. She may be bi. Maybe as she didn't tell you she likes this girl she was worried about your reaction!

Edited

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I agree and no i didn't get into anything negative about him. I acknowledge her feelings and said she doesn't have to take anything from him just because hes het father.

EDIT: well, she's 15, not 5, so I wouldn't say to her that she's a child & nay not know her iwn mind. She may be gay, she might get in a relationship with a girl & decide no, it's actually not for her. She may be bi. Maybe as she didn't tell you she likes this girl she was worried about your reaction!

I didn't say that to her

She did tell me i have known for ages.

OP posts:

TourdeFrance2025 · 09/07/2025 00:45

Ddlovedd · 08/07/2025 21:15

I agree and no i didn't get into anything negative about him. I acknowledge her feelings and said she doesn't have to take anything from him just because hes het father.

EDIT: well, she's 15, not 5, so I wouldn't say to her that she's a child & nay not know her iwn mind. She may be gay, she might get in a relationship with a girl & decide no, it's actually not for her. She may be bi. Maybe as she didn't tell you she likes this girl she was worried about your reaction!

I didn't say that to her

She did tell me i have known for ages.

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Oh ok, the way you phrased it in your OP, sounded to me like it was news to you, but great that she'd already told you. He's a twat isn't he - doesn't deserve her forgiveness for being an absent father & doesn't sound like he deserves a place in her life niw, but that's up to her xx