Not ready to have 2nd child but worried about sibling age gap

[Sprockergirl]

I have a daughter who is almost 4. Always thought we would have more than one child but I have OCD and anxiety which pregnancy and motherhood did a number on. Only started feeling like myself again when she was about 3 tbh and I'm dreading starting it all again. I'd be happy sticking to one but I want her to have a sibling.

Has anyone else been worried about a bigger age gap and it's turned out fine?

Everyone around me seems to have just 2 years which I'm sure it's lovely once they are older but I just couldn't have!

Don't have another for the sake of your DD..I say this as someone who had 4 plus 2 MC. I was an only child in the 1950s, not from choice. At 13, I declared I would have 6 (almost made it!) roughly 6 years in-between the first 3, (got pregnant at 18, because the stupid GP told me I'd never be able to have DKs. Maternity leave was 6 weeks after birth then, and we lived in a caravan for 5 years. Last gap, second marriage,9 years, Thus, 21 years between oldest and youngest,DGS born a year later. Unlike most of MN,my kids,all get on fabulously and adore their stepdad.

@stackhead I can't imagine having kids so close together either. My smallest gap is 4.5 years and even that felt small at the start. I think now they are older a smaller gap would have advantages as they are really at different life stages and into different things which makes planning days out etc more difficult. But 3 under 5? Not a chance!

I don't understand the logic at all. How many people do you know who have no friends or family except a sibling?

I have no relationship at all with my sibling and I'm far from a rare case. My childhood would have been vastly happier as an only.

We have found a two year gap to work really well, the DCs have always got on pretty well and it has made logistics easy as they were in the same nursery/school a lot of the time, similar interests and abilities, less career disruption with both maternity leaves over and done with in three years, I can't really think of any downsides. But I think everyone thinks their way is best on this, I'm sure a bigger gap would have been ok for us too even if it does seem a bit like hard work to me (I have a two year gap with my only sibling and nearly all my friends have two year gaps in their DCs).

Stick at one

Don’t do it then OP. At least not yet.
I felt the same way for years after first, then suddenly that changed, I asked DH for second, he wasn’t sure, so I said 3 months, I wouldn’t mention it, he’d have that time to think and we’d revisit it after that. It calmed my brain, and no doubt his, so much giving that time.

Id advise you maybe do the same for yourself, set a time limit that suits, tell yourself you’ll forget it for now and get on with enjoying life and your child, and you’ll revisit after that time. Might just give your brain the breathing space x