Advice re nursery / key person issue?

[Keepingbusyeating]

My (only just) 2 y/o DD has moved to a new room in nursery. They move them up by age so she’s been there for just a couple of weeks now.

She really benefited in the last rooms from building a close bond with her key person - when she moved into her last room (this is her 2nd move) it was hard - as expected - but the key person was really helpful and supportive, spent time with DD and I felt she really cared for her and her feelings.

She has been very upset each morning in this new room with each goodbye. It’s really hard - she is devastated! Clinging to me, crying no mummy no mummy, etc.

My issue is that her key person hasn’t once come to offer support in the mornings, a couple of the other staff do but never her key person. He doesn’t even say good morning to her when we enter the room. Knowing how upset she is, I’d have really hoped he’d be supporting her - toddlers are all individual and some need more support than others… surely they know that? He doesn’t give us updates on her day when we collect her like other parents get, other staff sometimes update us but never him.

My DD is very spirited and energetic, he’s called her bossy before to me (she is bossy and I wouldn’t have minded if it was said in an endearing way) but I wonder if he just doesn’t like her… but maybe I’m being a bit PFB?

I was thinking this week of approaching him and asking how her day has been at the end of each day as he seems to stay away when I collect her, and see how that goes, maybe asking if he is still her key person as it isn’t clear if it is him anymore… but I find this sort of thing SO uncomfortable, so wondering what other opinions are?

I'd send an email to the nursery and ask for her key person to be changed to whoever it is who is coming over/filling in details about the day. Just say you think she's binded better with this other person and as she's having trouble settling you'd prefer X to be her key person.

As a daycare worker with 20 years of experience as a daycare provider and a mother, I find this unacceptable and completely defeats the point of being a key person. One of my favourite and most satisfying parts of my job has always been the relationship that I get to build with the children and their families, especially those with whom I have been assigned particular responsibility for. As you suggested, a good first course of action is to seek out the key worker at drop off and pick up and strike up a conversation. In the morning, offer an update of how the morning has been going for you both and in the afternoon, check in as to how the day went. If that doesn't work, time to speak to the room supervisor.

PS - I would be hesitant to call a toddler bossy to their parent unless I knew them fairly well and had an established relationship with them. Even though we all know toddlers are renowned for being super bossy! One of my co workers told me that recently a new member of staff had called a parent's 3 year old son evil! That person was, amongst other concerns, asked to leave after my coworker spent an hour after she finished her shift consoling the sobbing parent.

Often the key person is just an admin role rather than someone who forms a particular bond or relationship, especially once out of the baby unit.
Some nurseries prefer children not to have preferences for particular adults as it makes for smoother running of the room if the 'key person' is off or on lunch.

Thank you so much for this. I thought I was possibly being sensitive (it’s sad to think of her being there and not being cared about) but this has been really validating and useful to read. Certainly gives me the confidence to make a point this week of asking him directly and asking for updates in the day.

I also was surprised re ‘bossy’. It was the way it was said that was particularly surprising but I think I’ll have to let that go for now unless anything similar happens.