Group friendship dynamics. Friend different in group than 1:1

[IncessantNameChanger]

I am part of a hobby group with my sons secondary school parents. I know everyone via the group. Our kids aren't in the same years or friends.

I was the last to join the group but not by much and we have been friends for years now. I do feel my place in the group isn't equal eg everyone does a birthday celebration. I have never had mine acknowledged.

Anyway of all the group I am closer too one person. See her in other settings. Stay after these groups and spend hours 1:1.

However in any of these group meets or the other places I see her she never takes time to gravitate to me. Even if I sit next to her, we chat, we never get into anything more than surface talk before she mingles. This then often leads to her talking to one person for the majority of the event. So not just moving around to talk to everyone. I chatted to her for ten minutes then she sat with someone else for 1.5 hours as an example.

Then after the event she might ask me to do something together for a few hours just us. But it's not pre arranged. But she would never move seats to sit next to me for hours. If I sit next to her, she will eventually move off within the group

What's peoples thoughts on this? I'm a bit crap at socail cues sometimes. I have my thoughts however

Do they know the date of your birthday? I doubt they would, unless you tell them.

How are the other members’ birthday celebrated? Does the group have to be prompted by the birthday person (‘nudge, nudge..my bd is coming up soon!) or the group just knows when everybody’s bd is and they organise something as a surprise?
The lack of bd greetings would bother me more than the friend talking to other members in a group setting.

She likes to mingle. She sees you separately so takes the opportunity to spend time with others in the group.

They know my birthday. Two of the people have a xls and I'm on it. Normally one of the people in the group ( not necessarily the xls holder) reminds everyone that it's x birthday in two weeks). No one does that for me.

I’m like this in a number of groups. My friendships in groups tend to be more superficial than my 1:1 friendships and so I find it hard to get the balance right in this type of situation. For example, I know that a friend is having massive marital issues but no one else in the group does. I can’t ask her about it in the group situation and I also know that she’s struggle if I were to even catch her eye if someone has asked her about her weekend plans and she is giving a very lighthearted account which skims over huge aspects of what actually happened so we tend to avoid each other. I also want to catch up with other people. I’ve been a member of a walking group for a while and have just introduced a friend to it. For the first part of the first couple of walks, I chatted to her and gradually introduced her to people and then tended to leave her for a bit and then went back to her for a bit and so on. The people in this group are a real mix - different ages, backgrounds, perspectives, introverts and extroverts - but all are interesting and engaging and I want my friend to be able to make her own judgments on what she chats to people about, who she warms to and things without it being under my supervision.
Mind you, DH and I are the sort of couple who, when we get to a party, go our separate ways provided we each know people rather than spend the time going around together.

Saw friend yesterday in a group situation which we had arranged to meet at. We only said hello. I only went to catch up with her initially. If I'd hung around until the group dispersed I know we would have talked then. But this dynamic doesn't really work for me as I'm spending 1-2 hours in a group then straight after 1-2 hours.1:1 with her. Ie most of my day. We don't tend to prearrange hanging out after together, it just happens. Maybe I'm being overly sensitive but it feels like catching up with others is always first priority as I will hang around when others leave. Stringing out my day. Mostly I have been OK with this but recently now it's dawned on me I feel like a afterthought.

Then just listen to your feelings. If something bothers you, walk away from the situation. Don’t hang out with her anymore 1:1. If she asks, tell her you are busy, and if she wants to talk, you are there in the group.

This is what I'm thinking..it is starting to bother me but I was OK with it before. I like her, she is great and I'm happy to meet up 1:1 but not like this any more.

I do struggle with people saying things that they don't tend to mean. So she says she wants to deepen our friendship. So I just want to be treated equally by her within a group setting occasionally. Ie sit with me for 15 - 30 minutes even once. Or set time aside to meet 1:1 separately.

I know this probably isn't true, as everyone is super busy etc but I feel that she can bump me down the list of priorities as I'm always willing to hang around after once she has made others her priority. Even if that's not true, it's how it makes me feel. It's not working for me. If she included me or said come sit here next to me. There's none of that. I can't go follow her once she has walked off. When I sit next to her