Interested in perspectives on times when you get unsolicited feedback from people - in work or not.
I'm very very bad at taking any kind of negative or even semi-negative feedback, I perceive it all as criticism even when it's more of a critique. I find criticism in statements or offers of help which are not meant to be negative. I recently read about rejection sensitivity dysphoria and it's me to a tee though am not formally diagnosed with anything.
In a work context I can cope (usually). Mainly I work very hard and get very anxious in the process to make sure any feedback I get is positive. In my closest relationships we either have understandings, explicit or otherwise, about productive and counterproductive ways to approach these kind of conversations, or I know that they love me so I can eventually rationalise feelings of rejection if we have a tough conversation.
This weekend I led a part of a service at our church due to leadership changes meaning different people getting involved. I've never done that role in that context, though am used to public speaking and doing other things at church. It was a big service, with lots of guests there for baptisms. Should emphasise I know that leading in a service is not about the person but the spiritual side and that's what I had tried to focus on leading up to it.
After the service I was speaking to two women I know in the congregation, I think one was in a bad mood due to something else, and she chipped in suddenly with "you need to slow down next time, I saw people who didn't understand what you were saying"
I do tend to speak fast when nervous, so I acknowledged that and said I'd try and slow down next time, for sure. I always really try to be slow when reading stuff, but this was sort of ad lib and I can speed up with that.
She said "I just think people like to have feedback" to which I smiled and nodded but inwardly thought "really? some people might but not everyone and really isn't this more about you asserting some kind of power or judgement?"
Later in the day my DH said he thought I wasn't speaking especially fast, but even if I was, is the right time to mention it straight afterwards?
It was a minor discussion, but had definitely triggered my fear of criticism and rejection, and various other issues around being expected to volunteer for lots of stuff at church. It also made me think - are there people who actually enjoy giving other people random feedback, who think it's a kindness to offer it? Does it cross their mind that it might be damaging to just drop something in like that, putting someone on the spot, rather than putting it in a more suitable context?
And on the other hand if you're someone who would have just accepted that and moved on, how does that work in your mind? I want to be in that place!