How has having an alcoholic parent impacted your personality?

[redtowelblue]

Just that, exactly.

Without going into too much detail (it will just send me into floods of tears) I had an alcoholic parent growing up and all the nonsense that came with it. I am 30 now and still weep when I think about my childhood.

Here are some ways it impacted me:

• Both of my parents were unemployed and one was an alcoholic. We never had much money but money was always found for alcohol. It was always drummed into me about how money didn't grow on trees etc so I was conscious never to ask for money. I have had to work so hard for everything I have today. All of my friends got help from their parents - I didn't as they had no money from not working. I am a bit obsessed with money and am admittedly bitter and resentful when I see people my own age getting money off their parents for houses etc. 😩 I agonise over my own money and constantly dream of being rich.

• Alcoholism was a huge secret in my house growing up and we would have to help hide or smuggle empty bottles out etc so neighbours wouldn't see the amount being drank. So much secrecy. I was always too embarrassed to have friends over. I really struggle to open up to people and shut down when people start asking me personal questions. I feel totally under threat. I worry that I seem standoffish and too private.

• Low self esteem. I don't know if I've ever felt truly happy. I try to hide it but I'm a bit glass half-empty. I hate being this way but I am just too consumed with sadness and bitterness I think.

Anyone else feel the same?

Same, anxiety, total lack of confidence, eternal vigilance, inability to trust or take people at face value. It gets better with age. Important thing is not to repeat history.

People will have different issues,some of them will have more than the others.

Food hoarding is mine. I just can’t bear the thought of being hungry and having nothing to eat. Cupboards are full,so is the fridge and freezer.

It was hard to get rid of inferiority complex but got there eventually.
No longer people pleaser and finally putting myself(and kids) first.

Be kind to yourself💐

I was accustomed to selfishness. I was used to being ignored and lack of consideration. I remember when I first had therapy, feeling very uncomfortable at someone focusing on me. I kept trying to ask the therapist about herself. I was 27.

Lack of money. Both my parents worked but my dad kept his to himself to spend on booze. We had no central heating and he spent every night in a warm pub.

Managing people's moods. I was used to tiptoeing around someone very volatile and unpredictable.

Shame. We weren't allowed to talk about my dad and he would stagger around in front of our friends.

My dad used to drink all day and then drink drive us home. We were in the car with a bottle of lemonade for about 4 hours. He'd come out with about 3 pints, down them all then drive us home.

Codependency. I became a rescuer. I tried to fix people. I wasted my life running around after others. I was a workaholic and a people pleaser. I didn't have a voice and was trampled on by others. I obviously had abusive relationships and suffered from anxiety and hypervigilance.

Yes.

have a look at NACOA. I’ve also had counselling to help me come to terms with my childhood and the pathways which were set for me because of it.

it’s tough op.

Mostly low self esteem and trouble believing people will like me. That was more down to my mother telling me I am unloveable though, and she did that in sober periods, too.

Very low self esteem. Life long feeling of shame and inadequacy. Attracted to abusive men. Unable to complete my education when young through severe anxiety. Spending money as soon as possible.

I was lucky in that I met my lovely DH when I was 32 who stuck with me despite my attempts at self sabotage.

I developed a successful career in my 50s. I am now doing an MSc and writing a book and I’m about to become a magistrate.

It does get better.

Exactly those three things. Low self esteem. Not thinking my needs matter - can't ask for what I want and minimise my needs. Feeling like I have a broken secret. I have slight internal OCD about a few things. Constantly thinking about other people, how can I say the right thing.

Things that helped - stopping comparing myself (this is good for everyone to do), thinking about it in terms of reparenting myself - what parent did I need (firm but loving) and how can I be that for myself. Lots of self compassion.

It can and does get better. I can open up about it no problem now, but I did need EMDR therapy due to some traumatic things I witnessed.

i was also diagnosed with adhd- theres a tendency with adhd to ruminate on the past, hence the therapy helped a lot.
People are surprised I think how much it affected me.