How do you end friendships?

[657904I]

In the past with people I don’t want to associate with anymore, I would stop meeting up with them and naturally let the messages fade out - distance myself then stop engaging. I have never left a message ending a friendship, don’t want any drama. I haven’t needed to end friendships that often either.

However I have known a particular person my entire life, and it doesn’t feel right to end the friendship in that way simply because of our long history. It’s one sided, we have grown apart, she judges my lifestyle, is never there for me but burdens me with all her drama. I tried to distance myself and only maintain light contact when she reaches out. But she is still quite rude/disrespectful and I find it draining doing the bare minimum. After mulling it over for years, I’m at the point where I want to end the friendship. I feel constantly taken advantage of and I am now confident that it’s not a temporary thing, this is just what she’s like now. Just wondering how others may approach this.

Just stop responding? Or, if you don’t want to, message or email and tell this person why the friendship isn’t working for you any longer, and why you won’t be contacting her again, and won’t be responding to further contact. It just sounds unnecessarily melodramatic to me. Surely if you have only been responding to her a minimal amount for years, she’s hardly unaware?

Do you live nearby? If not, I’d do the slow fade. If you’re likely to bump into her….. hmm I’d probably still do the slow fade tbh and if you bump into her just be like ‘gosh life is so busy isn’t it, pleasantry pleasantry, yadda yadda, bye!’ Like you say, no one needs the drama of a final friendship-ending message, and ghosting bit harsh. In reality, the above is what most people would do.

I’ve done the abrupt ending before and said person screamed at me in public when she engineered to bump into me 🤣 at least it proved why I wanted to not be friends anymore and was a definite nail in the coffin! But not recommended.

Every time they suggest meeting up just be too busy to see them. The message eventually gets through.

That specific ache of a friendship that's gone on so long you feel like you owe it something, even when it's stopped giving anything back - that's exactly what you're describing, and it makes total sense.
Here's the thing: you've already done the "fade out" method with other friendships and it's clearly worked fine for you. The reason it feels wrong here isn't really about method, it's that the history feels like it deserves closure. But closure and a "breakup conversation" aren't the same thing - and a message might actually create more drama, not less, especially with someone who's already shown she can be rude/disrespectful.
A few ways you could go with this:

The case for a proper conversation/message:
Long history can deserve honesty, even if it's hard. It gives you closure and control over the narrative rather than just fading away. And if you run in overlapping circles, a gradual fade might get read as dramatic anyway, so you may as well control the message yourself.

The case for just continuing the fade:
You've said yourself you don't want drama - and this person judges your lifestyle already, so a conversation could easily turn into a chance for her to make herself the victim. You don't owe anyone an explanation for setting a boundary. The fade has already started working (reduced/light contact); you could just keep reducing further until it's nothing.

A middle path:
One honest but brief message - not an essay, not a list of grievances, just something like "I think we want different things from this friendship now, and I need to step back" - and then no further engagement, no debate. Not a conversation, a closing statement.
Whatever you choose, trust that years of mulling this over means you're not being rash. You're allowed to let this one go.

Why would anyone bother running to ChatGPT for this and then posting this kind of nonsense?

OP, I think I’d be asking myself why I’d had to end so many friendships — I’m pretty sure I’ve never ‘ended a friendship’ in 54 years. Are you choosing badly?

@NightOwlNutter/ stop using chatGPT for all your replies.

Just be too busy to see them, stop messaging them, don’t be around. People don’t believe you when you tell them why you don’t like them,they just think you’re a bitch.

I have personally told people the truth in these situations. They are likely oblivious to their poor behaviour and will spend years wondering what they did and feeling sad about it. My feeling is that if the friendship has been a very long one, it’s a kindness to tell them the truth. Not at length and not in an attacking way, but just that basic facts. But I understand all the reasons you might not want to do that