I lost my dog at the start of the year, quite suddenly and out of the blue. I barely have any friends and I'm single, so my dog was quite literally my best friend. He was the love of my life. I don't care how that sounds. He was the best thing in my life; getting him was the best decision I ever made in life. I did also lose my job and my lifelong best friend's friendship (she got in her first serious relationship and I never hear from her anymore) a few months before losing my dog, so it's like three losses in a short space of time.
I lost him and ever since I've changed so much as a person, and all for the worst. I've always been a kind, gentle, quiet sort of person - a chronic people pleaser really, but I got joy in helping others. Ever since losing my dog I resent any and every demand on me (apart from work, which I thankfully have started to enjoy and find respite in). I used to visit my elderly grandparent and now I hate going and the expectation that I'll be visiting them every weekend. I resent that I'm the only grandchild to go and visit them. When I visit my friend with children I used to love chatting and playing with them and now I just sit in silence. I've just lost patience with everyone. If anyone says anything about me I find to be negative I just want to cut them off forever for it. Even myself. I've always had low self-esteem but the things I think about myself now are so awful...
I just feel like the worst person ever. I feel like such a bad person. I don't know how to pull myself together; it's been 6 months now. I just want everyone to leave me alone. I dread time off work as all these feelings rise to the surface and I just cry and cry. I comfort eat and buy things constantly to try and feel the massive void I feel.