Work colleague, struggling.

[ThomasShelbysfagend]

I think they are extremely anxious, so I am very mindful.

Focussed on detail, minor details, for example, knows exact train times, asks me my train times if we are going anywhere. I never know until the day before.
So will then go off during a meeting to look up my train times, but is then focussed so hears nothing at all of what I’m saying about the actual meeting while searching train times until getting the precise train time. Say 16.03. But then goes onto tell me every single train time after that. Cannot be distracted from this at all. Then will look up her own train times and will list every single train after her 16.03 train,

Interrupts every conversation with everyone in meetings. Cannot let anyone finish what they are saying without interrupting or talking over.

Dominates meetings. Had a 30 minute meeting today with a team of colleagues, first 11 minutes dominated by tales of travel disruptions and appointment with the vet for a pet.

I have to work closely but struggle so so much with this, it’s all the time.

We don’t currently have a line manager so no one to go to, our old manager is & was harassed to within an inch of her life by this colleague who goes to them for everything often.

I’m not sure if it’s just me. Everyone is so lovely and no one would ever say anything bad so not sure if it’s just me that struggles.

Advice on how to be a good person because my blood boils and I think that’s very very unkind.
You know when people describe their buttons being pressed, well that’s how I feel when interacting. I try so hard to keep it to myself.

Thank you

That sounds very much like they are neurodivergent and therefore will also be struggling with the way others behave. A straightforward conversation to find shared understanding and ways of working together would be much better than getting stressed about it.

But what do I say as there has been no indication that they are aware of any ND.
They are extremely anxious though,

Dominates meetings. Had a 30 minute meeting today with a team of colleagues, first 11 minutes dominated by tales of travel disruptions and appointment with the vet for a pet

Can the most senior person in the meeting not say "Right we need to get back on track, first meeting agenda item is XYZ?" when this happens? Or the line manager have a word to say that meetings are for official business and personal problems should be saved for break times?

Make up a train time. You need to repeat things parrot fashion using consistent language.
A small amount of small talk is reasonable. After this apply these strategies. Consistent repeatable phrase.

“Lola, do you want to go and sort the vet/ train/ builder xxx “
“we don’t have time to talk about this we need to do x”
“Right can we talk about..”
“ OK, I need to go and do xxxx” get up and walk out
“Lola, what do you think”

she is being paid to be in the building she needs to be earning her money.

Talk to others and find out how they feel as a starting point.

Here you go op:

https://livingautism.com/support-autistic-colleague-employee/

Without a diagnosis, you say:

'I noticed that...is there anything I can do to help'

Edited to add - if you are the line manager!