Financial inequality and accounting in a relationship

[SunShow]

Relationship of nearly a year.

All good, a man who is kind and considerate, reliable, intelligent, funny etc etc ,but he can be a bit odd about money and I'm struggling to get my head round that.

We split everything 50/50. I don't have a problem with that in principle, but he knows exactly how much we owe each other. Tbf it works both ways, e.g. on a weekend away if I've paid for more meals he'll send me the difference without me asking and he'll tell me what I own him when vice versa.

So, in principle it's not a problem, it's as it should be, he's paying his share, I'm paying mine, but it's not what I'm used to with friends or previous relationships. It's been much more, you got coffee last time I'll get this, or let me treat you to this one. It all works out more or less, but no one's counting.

I worry that either he's just tight, or maybe he can't really afford the trips we have and therefore needs to make sure it's "right", or maybe it's a personality trait (autism?) that makes him want to known everything's exactly right.

Fwiw I'm the higher earner and, I guess, if he was a woman it might be expected that I pay for some of our dates, but he's never expected that at all, just wants everything exactly equal.

If it makes a difference we're too old to ever have DC together!

Personally I would hate this. Ideally, I'd be with someone with a similar disposable income and things would just work out because we'd be aware. If there was a discrepancy I'd expect the higher earner to offer more treats although wouldn't expect a meal ticket.

Even with good friends and family I dont keep a tally so wouldn't want to with a partner

Bit weird that isn't it.

I've never been that bothered about exact pounds and pence. With my DP we have a rough tally of what each of us has paid for, but generally its like, "I filled the car up yesterday so you buy us dinner tonight, cool?" kind of conversation.

I would find it a bit stifling I think having to keep a strict tally on who has paid what.

Have you told him how you feel about it?

Maybe before a weekend away both get the same amount of cash out and make a kitty - take any joint spends out of that. Easier than faffing around with calculators at the dinner table and constant pings of money back and forth on phones.