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Original poster

Marriage advice

11 replies

Gardeningworld · 03/07/2025 20:26

Hi all mumsnetters

i am getting married in less than one month and am so excited.

we really want to get any honest and meaningful advice on marriage please if anyone has any advice?

OP posts:
Springadorable · 03/07/2025 20:29

Do you live together already? If so it's exactly the same.

MedievalNun · 03/07/2025 20:35

Married 28 years. 2 pieces of advice I was given by an ex-work colleague that I’ve tried to follow

  • never go to bed on an argument
  • bedroom is for making up, not arguing

Over the years I’d add:

  • make time for friends, you don’t have to always do things together
  • Agree on how you’ll parent while you’re pregnant but the one key thing is you always stick together, so if one punishes you back them even if you privately tell them they’re an ass

And actually, one for the wedding day - find 10 minutes where you can be alone and just ‘you two’ - otherwise you’ll get dragged between photos / friends / families and won’t see each other! It’s important to have the time to put your heads together and giggle about being married.

Good luck.

Zapx · 03/07/2025 20:41

Talk talk talk talk talk!! And watch out for in laws, it’s amazing how they can cause arguments even when you’re not with them! Are you seeing them enough, not enough, too much, are they too involved, not involved as much as you’d want, are you always presenting a United front etc?

Congratulations!

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Marriage & partnerships
Springadorable · 03/07/2025 20:42

MedievalNun · 03/07/2025 20:35

Married 28 years. 2 pieces of advice I was given by an ex-work colleague that I’ve tried to follow

  • never go to bed on an argument
  • bedroom is for making up, not arguing

Over the years I’d add:

  • make time for friends, you don’t have to always do things together
  • Agree on how you’ll parent while you’re pregnant but the one key thing is you always stick together, so if one punishes you back them even if you privately tell them they’re an ass

And actually, one for the wedding day - find 10 minutes where you can be alone and just ‘you two’ - otherwise you’ll get dragged between photos / friends / families and won’t see each other! It’s important to have the time to put your heads together and giggle about being married.

Good luck.

I think you need to agree on how you'll parent before you're pregnant - this is a biggie and comes with a lot of baggage.

MedievalNun · 03/07/2025 20:43

Fair enough @Springadorable. We had, but had lots of more practical talks while I was pregnant too.

JackJarvisEsq · 03/07/2025 20:45

Always have a duvet a size larger than your bed and you’ll never be fighting over it

Burntt · 03/07/2025 20:55

Discuss future goals. Expectations for the division of labour in the home and raising children. Discuss what needs discussion and what can be decided individually eg can you buy new expressive hobby items or a new washing machine without discussion… what about a car. Decide how finances will be split. How having children will impact financially if one parent goes part time to care for children is the money 50/50 or all in one pot.

regular date nights are important. Even if it’s at home with Netflix. Relationship ls need work even when going well.

talk talk talk. If you feel you couldn’t talk your partner something embarrassing that is impacting the relationship then maybe you are not ready for marriage. If one of you became injured short term or long term would the other be happy to step up with house and child duties, would you be happy to help each other wash and on and off the toilet?

(My amazing partner was suddenly not amazing when I had a period of time I couldn’t do my share of housework due to my health. He was resentful. Then when I couldn’t work as had to care for disabled child he decided he wasn’t happy and fucked off because he felt neglected and hadn’t signed up to shoulder the financial burden for a family)

i think it’s worth discussing your dream house and ideal retirement plans too. Things likely will change but if one dreams of a modern apartment in a busy city and the other a quaint cottage in the area end of nowhere you are not a good match

DeliaOwens · 03/07/2025 21:00

All of the advice above.

My advice is that you agree to champion each other for your whole lives. You are choosing each other and forsaking all others. That means he is your number one and you are his. Before family of origin, before friends. First and foremost your loyalty is to each other.

Additionally I would 100% recommend even one short session with a marriage therapist or someone who does pre marriage counselling. They can give you points to think about that you won’t have considered but are big ticket items in the long term, for the good health of your marriage.

An outside perspective is sometimes very telling

Original poster
Gardeningworld · 03/07/2025 21:09

@Springadorable i think it will be very different for us as we believe marriage is the ultimate dedication and commitment to each other for the rest of our lives. We believe no sex before marriage and other beliefs which are not too common these days. So we hope it will be different even though we live together now

OP posts:
Original poster
Gardeningworld · 03/07/2025 21:10

So incredible advice all we will read together in bed tonight thank you all

OP posts:
AvidJadeShaker · 03/07/2025 21:11

Buy the biggest bed that will fit in the bedroom.

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