Working married mum with 2 young kids, how to feel happier?

[lookin]

Not really sure why I’m writing this as I know it needs to come from me, but I am struggling a bit right now with anxiety and self-esteem.
I work 4 days a week in a 33k office job, DS goes to school, year 1 and DD goes to nursery aged 3. DH is good and pulls his weight and is great with the kids, he works full-time and earns decent money but we’re by no means rich, childcare is about £1k a month including wraparound and our mortgage is not much less.

I have been feeling particularly low recently. I think social media doesn’t help, seeing people’s flash holidays and everything else they want to show off. The thing is we have a nice house, which we’ve worked hard for, and a nice car, but for some reason I feel like we’re always struggling to “keep up” as silly as that sounds.

I know we’ll be much better off when DD starts school in just over a year but I am just down in the dumps right now. I’m feeling like DH and I don’t really know each other anymore, when we do get time together in the evening we’re knackered and don’t really talk and the weekends are usually seeing family and ticking stuff of our to do list. I feel a bit trapped in this life and whilst I adore my beautiful kids, I can’t appreciate everything all the time because it all feels like such a slog. We get a bit of help from my parents but we never go out in the eve and the kids don’t have sleepovers yet where DD is still quite young. I’m just fed up of the constant on the go lifestyle with not a big monetary reward for this!

anyone else in the same boat? Anyone been through and come out the other side?

What drew you to your husband in the first place . . . before thoughts of marriage and kids? What things did you do in life before you had responsibilities other than for yourself that brought you happiness?

Have you let go of some dreams that you felt were impractical being a married mother? Has your husband done the same?

What I am getting at is that people often describe two types of lifestyles . . . (A) living to work and (B) working to live, but there is something in-between, which is often the best solution.

Further, it is very easy to get into the expected and predictable life routine that you describe which comes with providing a certain lifestyle that you have grown accustomed to, but the key is to ask whether this lifestyle is really as fulfilling from the inside as you thought it would be from the outside?

Waiting to get "through" a portion of it to come out to a more stable or profitable side which means increasing happiness is a dangerous way to think. It is assumptive and is narrowly focused and takes into account nothing concerning other life factors . . . delaying happiness with the expectation that there will not be other factors besides jobs and routine that come into play that can cause stress and unhappiness, such as the changes (both good and bad) that can come with children as they age . . . as they become less dependent on parents and want to spend more time with friends.

Obviously, finding gratitude for the everyday small things is important to deal with the doldrums, but it is more than that. You must work with your husband to find out if this lifestyle is really as fulfilling for both of you not just now, but in the predicted future. What I mean is that maybe it isn't about cars, houses, and holidays, but about the every day lifestyle itself . . . the small things such as having more time to spend with your family and your interests . . . even if it were to come at a tradeoff of a material nature.

An example I might give is of a family who realized that they spent 80% of their life indoors with the parents office jobs, the children in school, and really only getting outside to watch or participate in organized sports a few practices a week and games on the weekend. The parents longed for a changed lifestyle and moved away from the big city to a small mountain village with a good public school. They worked in outdoor vocations, and the children tagged along when they were older. They had a modest home, but their life was full of adventure. Most of the adventures were local and outdoors, but occasionally, every few years, they would go on holiday abroad, but really it was about the day-to-day freedom and enjoyment of their lives.

I'm also married, work part time and 2 young kids. No family help though and DDs are older.... they're 8 and 6 now.

What really made a massive difference is when DD2 started primary school. Both financially and in terms of time. The end of nursery fees meant we could divert some of that money to savings and suddenly I have time to myself during the week when DDs are at school to go to an exercise class or just do things for myself like get a manicure or go to a café with my book.

DH and I take a day off together every few months when DDs are at school and we go for a long pub lunch. As we have no family help evening date nights are pretty non existent but we really look forward to our lunch dates. We also make sure we coordinate working from home together one day a week and we'll nip out and get a coffee together then too.

I loved mine being little but I do think life is easier now they're both in school. So there is light at the end of the tunnel.

I also wouldn't compare yourself with the Jones'. Social media isn't real and the grass often looks greener. I'd say you're lucky that you get help from your parents as mine both live hours away so we only see them two or three times a year which I feel really sad about because I love them dearly. My point is there's always someone else you can look at and feel envious of.