Anyone Else

[NameCannotBeBlank]

Just going through the motions of life?

I do everything I’m supposed to do, because I know I should. I go to the gym when I can because apparently it’s good for me, but I don’t really want to go or care that much.

I like my job and work all my hours and am committed to it, hard-working etc. But I feel so ‘blah’ about everything in my life, like nothing matters.

I do the right thing for my kids because they need someone to take care of them pretty much 24/7 (both ASD and too young to stay home alone) and their dad will never be more than a twice a month Disney dad. But as they get older I realise I’ve lost so much of myself. I’ve been tied to them and the house for so long I can’t remember what it was like to just spontaneously go shopping, cinema or swimming or whatever. Everything requires so much planning and organisation, and a lot of the time it’s just easier not to bother.

I don’t have any hobbies or interests that bring socialising or connection because I can’t get regular childcare so can’t commit to anything.

I have a partner who is lovely but he’s got so many hobbies our free time barely overlaps. We have no shared interests.

My friends all have kids and childcare issues so being social with them is hard.

everything feels hard work and just so ‘meh’. I feel like I’m in limbo waiting for something…I just don’t know what!

Maybe this is a midlife crisis or depression or is it a normal way to feel sometimes?

I think we all have moments like that, when we just go along with the flow.

Can you make changes to your life. Even simple things like buying tickets for a gig, theatre, weekend away? Do you have any ‘me’ time. Ie time to spend on yourself.

Pre-children, what did you like doing? Can you reconnect with any if these hobbies. Can your husband drop a hobby or training session so he can do the childcare?

Can you not go swimming, as a first step, twice a month, or cinema, or shopping just for you twice a month when disney dad has the children?

I can and have done@frozendaisybut thank you for the suggestions. It’s tricky because when I get those slots of free time, there’s not necessarily anything I want to waste my money on at the cinema or theatre at that precise moment. Or the swimming slots are booked/closed for the night. Or I’ve just missed the start of a gym class or something. It never seems to work out (ex is controlling so loves to arrive late etc to mess up any plans I might try to have.) Then I get cross because I’ve wasted my free few hours!

In a few more years both my dc might be ok to be left for an hour or so, but right now I’m so very tied to them. I love them but it’s draining and I hate not knowing myself!

@Steelworksmy partner is not my children’s father, he isn’t involved in their childcare. Their dad has them now and again. I’ve been with my partner 2 years but our time together is sporadic due to my situation and he doesn’t know my dc that well. Usually any free time I get, it’s a date for us. So I get no time just for me.

But even if I did have more time, what would I do? I like reading and I’m a fair weather walker but that’s about it. And I walk with my dc every day and read once they’re in bed every night, so nothing earth-shattering hobby wise there.

I’ve been trying to remember what I did pre-children, as a student then a young single teacher, and the truth is sadly not much. I mostly just went ‘out out’ when I wasn’t working every spare hour, or for a run or to the gym. I need to experiment with trying many new things to find my passion I suppose.

I just wondered if this was a common phase to go through or if I should seriously consider seeing GP for MH help, if maybe this feeling of disconnection is a sign of something going on.

Can you find a bookclub? They tend to be monthly and involve a get together at someone’s house, or in our case, a pub! Ours is quite free and easy, we chat about the book but about other things as well. If you like a book, fine, but if you don’t like it or have time to read it, that’s fine also.

I think if the feeling continues , then maybe worth going to the gp to see if you’re are suffering depress, or early signs of the menopause