Hate FIL for sitting like a grey rock while husband abusive

[Greyrockoff]

Just this. Husband was openly abusive verbally and physically to me and DC (ducks in a row now, it took a while as I didn’t want to just leave and risk shared custody.).

FIL was often at our place. He just sat there with a stupid passive grin on his face. How can you watch your GC being abused. He watched as me and DC fled our house. F him. I don’t want anything to do with him and I don’t want DC to have anything to do with him. DC are older now and I explained he sat by while abuse happened.

I tried the grey rock technique to stop husband abusing me. But I fought with everything when he went for DC.

So, grey rock, does it work or is it harmful.

Your Fil sounds like an arsehole. It’s not the grey rocking as you could understand that if he was scared too, it’s him having that stupid grin.
The apple didn’t fall far from the tree, did it?
Well done for getting out.

Your husband learned how to be a father from his own parents, so your FIL was very possibly an abusive pos too. You don't have to see him ever again and neither do your kids.

Thank you. This is it. It was as if he was condoning it and saw nothing wrong. Or more likely didn’t want to see anything wrong. Just sitting there with a drink and a ffing grin on his face. I don’t think he was enjoying it, but just did not seem bothered. I cannot comprehend it.

Yes, I have wondered this and become more and more convinced. There is also an appalling sister. PIL just sit by while their adult children rage like toddlers. They have also said some foul and cruel things that I pretty much heard word for word from my husband. It is multigenerational abuse and a line is being drawn so they do not harm DC.

Your FIL agreed with your ex’s actions. You will never understand why because you are not an abusive arsehole yourself.

I’m sorry that this happened to you and your dc. I hope you are all safe.

Thank you, this post made me cry - in a good way! So shocked that abuse can be so broad, literally abused by the family because we were abused by their ‚wonderful‘ son. It is good to get it out and process it.

I think it's likely to be the other way around, as pps have said. Your ex learned how to treat other people from his parents, or at least his father. Your former FIL won't have seen anything wrong with the way his son was behaving because that's what he modelled. Good for you for getting out.

Hi OP, I can relate to what you’ve experienced, it’s beyond logic and understanding how people are like this but sadly it’s a reality for a few of us. In time with some healing you’ll be able to move past wanting answers and any form of acknowledgment for their misdeeds.

Have you left the husband now ? Do you need any support on divorcing etc ?

Other people don’t like to get involved.

@SaturdayDream When a young child is being abused they should get involved. Sitting there grinning is unforgiveable and like tacit approval.