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Original poster

When is an inheritance "enough"?

140 replies

Wardrobefred · 01/07/2025 13:29

Somehow, from really quite modest beginning our family has accumulated quite a lot. Ordinary jobs (no one has ever been a higher rate tax payer for example) but sensible spending/saving and investment (and property tbf) means that my last surviving parent has just left c. £2m (after inheritance tax), split between me and DSis.

I don't need or want it. I own my home outright, have a decent income and pensions that will be plenty for me, substantial savings. My life is not flamboyant, but I have want I need/want, travel a lot and can't think of any major changes I'd make with the money.

So, I'm thinking this money should go directly to my DC, early 20s and living at home. Obviously it's life changing for them. Neither have launched very well. Both work, but not particularly applying themselves to career progression or qualifications. There's a part of me that thinks this windfall won't be entirely helpful for their overall life and happiness.

Because of DC I've always been determined I won't remarry, to protect their inheritance. However, I'm now coming to the view that they don't need it!

I have a lovely DP who I've been with 8 years, never lived together and our life is good, but maybe it's time I thought about doing what I want (I've said I don't want to live with him because I enjoy my independence, but it's definitely fuelled by protecting my DC) and maybe it's time to consider changing my will so that the man who's made my life so good over the last few years inherits something.

He brings a lot to the realtionship, but not money (supports himself, doesn't cost me anything currently, but doesn't have savings or assets). If we did live together, I wouldn't want him homeless in the event of my death, even if he did bring it on himself by not being better at financial planning! I know you can leave a life interest, but where I've seen that happen it seems to bring nothing but trouble, as the DC want their money asap...

Also, I don't think my DC "deserve" it more than he does. I love them dearly, they're good kids and want to see them OK, but £500k each is enough without having worked for it?

I guess it's a good problem to have but there's definitely part of me that thinks this money could do more harm than good.

OP posts:
Mrsttcno1 · 01/07/2025 13:37

If you want my total honest opinion, I wouldn’t be too quick to give £500k each to two adults who by your own admission haven’t launched very well. I’d focus instead on using the money to try and help them “launch”, rather than bailing them out so that they don’t have to try.

Itcantbetrue · 01/07/2025 13:37

Op I'd err on the side of extreme caution, anything can happen at any time, your life is great you have ample savings, would they withstand some bad crisis?

What about dc? 500 grand each to your dc of course is amazing

But today and I'll never ever get anywhere near one million BTW but it's actually not that much.

Op working for it or something or not it's the way the cookie crumbles, some area blessed with many things others can't get near.

Notaripoff · 01/07/2025 13:37

Honestly, I would give it to my kids in a heartbeat if I didn't need it to ensure a comfortable retirement/to cover potential care costs.

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GOODCAT · 01/07/2025 13:38

Hold onto the money for a few years. See how your children get on. They need to find the motivation and fully launch before they could begin to appreciate the hard work it takes and they need to be the ones who set themselves up. There is no rush to spend it on anyone.

MrsTerryPratchett · 01/07/2025 13:39

I find it interesting that the DC aren’t ’applying themselves’ in their 20s and that’s bad. But your DP, who presumably has had decades more to apply himself, and has not assets or savings, is more deserving. Nowadays an inheritance is one of the few ways to get on the housing ladder and your kids may not be able to without it. By all means think about a share for DP, but cutting them out (and they will see it like that) for a DP… I wouldn’t.

jaggededger · 01/07/2025 13:39

Mrsttcno1 · 01/07/2025 13:37

If you want my total honest opinion, I wouldn’t be too quick to give £500k each to two adults who by your own admission haven’t launched very well. I’d focus instead on using the money to try and help them “launch”, rather than bailing them out so that they don’t have to try.

Absolutely agree. Invest the money, they can have some at a later date if they want help to buy a home/start a business.

MrsTerryPratchett · 01/07/2025 13:40

MrsTerryPratchett · 01/07/2025 13:39

I find it interesting that the DC aren’t ’applying themselves’ in their 20s and that’s bad. But your DP, who presumably has had decades more to apply himself, and has not assets or savings, is more deserving. Nowadays an inheritance is one of the few ways to get on the housing ladder and your kids may not be able to without it. By all means think about a share for DP, but cutting them out (and they will see it like that) for a DP… I wouldn’t.

Sorry but certainly leave it a few years before you hand anything over, and only with a costed plan.

Original poster
Wardrobefred · 01/07/2025 13:41

Mrsttcno1 · 01/07/2025 13:37

If you want my total honest opinion, I wouldn’t be too quick to give £500k each to two adults who by your own admission haven’t launched very well. I’d focus instead on using the money to try and help them “launch”, rather than bailing them out so that they don’t have to try.

Yes, this is exactly how I'm feeling about the whole thing. Of course the money (all of it ) should go to them, but that then leaves them in a place where they don't really need to earn their own proper living, and I doubt that's good for them in numerous ways.

OP posts:
Original poster
Wardrobefred · 01/07/2025 13:44

MrsTerryPratchett · 01/07/2025 13:39

I find it interesting that the DC aren’t ’applying themselves’ in their 20s and that’s bad. But your DP, who presumably has had decades more to apply himself, and has not assets or savings, is more deserving. Nowadays an inheritance is one of the few ways to get on the housing ladder and your kids may not be able to without it. By all means think about a share for DP, but cutting them out (and they will see it like that) for a DP… I wouldn’t.

Yes that's very true and a reason we haven't joined finances before now, but they wouldn't be "cut out". They get £500k each now (if it comes to me and then to them 40% inheritance tax would be deducted) and they'd likely get something when I die, DP would get the house (or my share of wherever we're living at the time). DC would still get much more.

OP posts:
Notaripoff · 01/07/2025 13:44

I don't think £500k is enough to mean you never have to work again! Although I do see what you mean about it potentially meaning they don't try very hard to do anything other than the bare minimum.

Could you put it in trust for them until they are 30?

Luggagerackistopheavy · 01/07/2025 13:45

MrsTerryPratchett · 01/07/2025 13:39

I find it interesting that the DC aren’t ’applying themselves’ in their 20s and that’s bad. But your DP, who presumably has had decades more to apply himself, and has not assets or savings, is more deserving. Nowadays an inheritance is one of the few ways to get on the housing ladder and your kids may not be able to without it. By all means think about a share for DP, but cutting them out (and they will see it like that) for a DP… I wouldn’t.

I agree with this. You sound disappointed in your children and seem to see success as career success. Are they nice people? Are they kind? Do they have good morals? Do they help others? Are they happy? This is success.

Original poster
Wardrobefred · 01/07/2025 13:46

jaggededger · 01/07/2025 13:39

Absolutely agree. Invest the money, they can have some at a later date if they want help to buy a home/start a business.

Show quote history

Yes, I know that makes a lot of sense, but if they inherit it from me, 40% inheritance tax will be deducted. I.e they'd "only" get £300k each of my parents' legacy. Those investments would have to do well to make up for that.

OP posts:
turkeyboots · 01/07/2025 13:47

Set up a trust? Something which could give a house deposit and university/school fees for your DC and any DGC down the line?
I also wouldn't be giving large sums to "failure to launch " young adults. Give them something to work for.

Original poster
Wardrobefred · 01/07/2025 13:47

Luggagerackistopheavy · 01/07/2025 13:45

I agree with this. You sound disappointed in your children and seem to see success as career success. Are they nice people? Are they kind? Do they have good morals? Do they help others? Are they happy? This is success.

Show quote history

I'm not "disappointed" , I am worried for them.

OP posts:
Itcantbetrue · 01/07/2025 13:48

Op of course they will have to earn a living you can't get a small house around for less than 400 grand.

That amount would either buy a house but they still need to pay bills and stuff or provide a hefty deposit and they can invest the rest for the future and pensions.

I agree with poster saying why are you judging two children but not your partner.

We don't know the circumstances of ops dc lives but having young adults living at home isn't uncommon

thischarmimgwoman · 01/07/2025 13:48

Keep hold of it.

Itcantbetrue · 01/07/2025 13:49

Whatever you do op wait.
Don't make any actions yet for at least 6 months

Sparkiest · 01/07/2025 13:49

The problem with leaving things for a few years is that OP will then start another 7y running for iht purposes. If she gives the money now by varying the will, the only IHT will be that on her parent’s estate.

OP, I would talk to your kids and your partner about all this and work out the way forward together. Mention the inheritance to your kids and ask whether there’s a way you can use it to support them- see what they say.

Discuss with your partner what your feelings are about the future. It’s hard to say now what’s right in that regard though as you don’t know what the future holds (especially in relation to grandchildren etc). Remember that you may live many more years and have adult grandchildren you’d like to help (just as your parent’s money will help your children).

In your shoes (and with my kids) I’d use the money now to help them get on the housing ladder, and I’d want to retain the freedom to leave them or their children a significant sum later as well. I’d also want my partner to be ok- perhaps with a life interest.

Itcantbetrue · 01/07/2025 13:49

Sorry something else to consider if you give your partner money wouid you be OK for him to meet someone new and havr that money to enjoy with them

Sparkiest · 01/07/2025 13:51

that then leaves them in a place where they don't really need to earn their own proper living

I think you are overestimating how far £500k goes.

Original poster
Wardrobefred · 01/07/2025 13:52

Sparkiest · 01/07/2025 13:51

that then leaves them in a place where they don't really need to earn their own proper living

I think you are overestimating how far £500k goes.

Well it's plenty to never have to pay a mortgage or rent!

OP posts:
PumpkinsAndCoconuts · 01/07/2025 13:53

Mrsttcno1 · 01/07/2025 13:37

If you want my total honest opinion, I wouldn’t be too quick to give £500k each to two adults who by your own admission haven’t launched very well. I’d focus instead on using the money to try and help them “launch”, rather than bailing them out so that they don’t have to try.

This. Help them "launch". But don't just give them the money!!

Junaluma · 01/07/2025 13:53

I would keep hold of it for now and look at investing some of it. Yes you say you don’t need or want it but you don’t know what the future holds. Reassess the situation regarding your children in a few years.

Pinkflower100 · 01/07/2025 13:55

GOODCAT · 01/07/2025 13:38

Hold onto the money for a few years. See how your children get on. They need to find the motivation and fully launch before they could begin to appreciate the hard work it takes and they need to be the ones who set themselves up. There is no rush to spend it on anyone.

This! I would always make sure my children were to benefit from me. You don’t know what life will throw at them.

Sparkiest · 01/07/2025 13:55

Wardrobefred · 01/07/2025 13:52

Well it's plenty to never have to pay a mortgage or rent!

Show quote history

Sure, but that’s not the same as not needing to earn a living.

I don’t know your kids, of course, but I think for most young people help onto the property ladder would be overwhelmingly positive.

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