Do you actually like your MIL? (Lighthearted, sort of)

[MonkeyTennis34]

Bit of a rant.

I’ve been happily married to DH for nearly 20 years and whilst she would always do tiny things to annoy me, over the past year or so, my MIL has really started to hack me off.

She’s extremely mean with her money. Whenever she comes to stay with us we usually will go out for coffee and cake, get fish and chips for dinner. She NEVER offers to pay. It gets on DH’s nerves too. She stays for 3 nights probably once a month to 6 weeks.

She asked me the other day how much I weigh! Is that rude? I think it is.

At Christmas when DH was having some issues with cooking she raised her voice and told me to Get your arse in gear!
She did apologise for this and said she just worried about DH.

When me and DH mentioned that we would be getting our will written soon she commented that it would be “complicated” as DS1 isn’t DH’s biological son, implying that he shouldn’t inherit the same.
DH has been an amazing stepfather and wants everything split 3 ways between his and our 2 biological children and DS1.

There’s other negative stuff regarding how she conducts herself as a human but which doesn’t impact me.

As she doesn’t drive and I work odd hours, it’s always been a given that I will drive her home on the Monday morning after she’s stayed.
I told DH last night that as I’m pissed off with her right now, he can drive her home on the Sunday night.
I turned the situation around and thought I wouldn’t expect him to drive my parents home.

Does anyone else have a similar situation?
I guess I just have to grin and bear it..

My late MIL was amazing. We shared a house happily and I wish I had a mother like her. I miss her so much. She was warm and funny, she welcomed me without question, and I hope that one day someone will remember me the way I remember her.

Me too

Was going to post about how my MIL is annoying but TBH, she's an angel compared to yours. And I'd never let her stay overnight. If she stayed once a month I'd have murdered both her and DH.

Sorry your MIL is awful and your DH needs a kick up the arse.

DH and I had an early conversation about how we saw her for his benefit and not mine and future visits to/by her should be on that basis.

My Mil was lovely, but she died too young, only 68. She had 4 boys, no daughters, and it was a very ‘male’ household, so I think she was incredibly grateful for anyone who’d take any interest in her new kitchen curtains!

I think you should start cutting her visits short so Sunday night she goes home, driven by Dh. Then maybe 2 months between visits, if she says anything about that then just be completely honest, she doesn't give a shit about your feelings and she needs to learn this goes both ways. Tell her if she wasn't so nasty with her comments you would want to be around her more. Just because she is family doesn't make her a nice person.

My own MIL was a sahm and raised my incredible Dh. He wasn't pandered to. She taught him to bake (thanks MIL my waistline shows it) to cook, clean, iron etc, he has lovely memories of his childhood with her. She was amazingly kind to my children and me and made Christmas magical for my sons. She tried to help however she could. I miss her, she died a while ago. My own Mother was the same, cut from different cloth (a roll your sleeves up, crack on with stuff person) but kind, considerate and helpful. She is also missed, also dead sadly.

Speak up now because your children hear what she says and how she says it. My own child asked why X was so mean to me (relative) and I realised I was setting a shitty example that we teach people how to treat us. I wouldn't want him having a friend talk to him the way X talked to me. I am now very, very low contact with that person.

Oh look. Another MIL bashing thread.

You'll be the MIL one day. Think on.

I don’t think that’s accurate. Lots of responses are very positive. In fact many are saying that their MIL is better than their own mother…

For me: I had a lovely MIL who sadly died a few years ago in her 60s and is very much missed. We had different opinions and traditions at times but I knew everything she did was for the best.

My own mum is very different but equally lovely.

I hope that I am one day! But I know I've raised my DS with love and affection, something DH did not get.

I look forward to being a caring, friendly MIL who is genuinely interested in her family, not the narcissistic one I put up with for many years until we went NC.

My MIL is difficult, but we get on well.

She is a great grandmother to my children. If DH and me are debating something, if she is asked she will usually try to diplomatically side with me. She knows her son can be an arsewipe at times. If she knows you like a particular drink or snack, she will make sure she has it in, even though she hasn't got a lot of money.

I think she struggles with her children being grown up now and not needing her as much. I don't think she knows where her place in the family is anymore, rather than ask her kids to help her with something or if they can make dinner with her she will manipulate situations so she gets her own way. It annoys me to see because out of all of her children DH is the one who has done the most for her. It has caused arguments between DH and I because we have already had plans and he will alter them to keep MIL happy. Her health has not been the greatest since I've known her, but in the last couple of years it has really declined. When she is in pain she can be quite spiteful towards her children and will pick petty arguments.

I don't involve myself in the arguments and just let DH handle her. I encourage him to invite her over for dinner or to come to things DC are doing at school.

No, but the family was quite dysfunctional when I joined as the first ‘in law’. I think she blamed me for upsetting the status quo, when actually having a partner gave DH the courage to change the dynamics. The whole family is conflict avoidant, so there’s a lot of martyrdom which I can’t be doing with 😆

She is a good grandparent in many ways, but I struggle with her blatant favouritism. It’s obvious to see which of her children she prefers (and they all know it) and she has replicated that with her grandchildren. I have had to call her out, fairly mildly, when she’s chosen to take the favourite to do something special and not reciprocated with the favourite’s siblings. That’s added to her general dislike of me!

I facilitate her relationship with our kids because family is important to me and I accept on a day to day level we’ll never be close. I still slightly mourn the loss of my teenage boyfriend because of the loss of his fab mother in my life 😆 I had hoped that’s what I’d get through marriage, but I can see it’s not really to do with me as much as it’s about anyone new that doesn’t just want to go along with ‘the way things are’.

Mine was already dead before she had the chance to become MIL.

I love my MIL dearly and my DH loved my late DM. We have been very lucky with regards to PIL, not so much my SIL but have minimal interaction so not such a problem. It is getting trickier now as my MIL is 92 and my own DDad is approaching 80 and neither of them are close by and we have a teen DD who needs attention and to be local at weekends....so probably not giving the attention that we were able to previously. At least my dad has a wife but my MIL is widowed.

No