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Original poster

Housing situation advice please.

50 replies

LuckyManifestations · 28/06/2025 20:40

It's a long one, as I don't want to drip feed.
All advice and opinions welcome.
Divorced lady, 56 years old.
Medically retired through ill health.
I have been privately renting for many years since my divorce.
Renting seemed a good option for me as I had 5 children under 10 when I got divorced, and couldn't have afforded to buy somewhere big enough for us all.
I was working full time and the rent was easily affordable.
When I received my divorce settlement I put the money away to share between the children for a deposit for their first home. I did this because owning a home has never been something I really cared about.

All of my adult DC now own their homes.

5 years ago when I only had 1 DC at home I was offered a new build housing association house which I accepted.

Last DC bought her own home last year, so Im in a 3 bed HA house alone.
Where I live is rural, miles from family, adult DC and grandchildren.
My rent is extortionate for a HA house, so trying to do a swap with another HA tenant has been useless.

I have approached the HA and asked them if I can be relocated closer to my family, and they (rightly) sent me some details of 1 bed houses and flats.

So here is what I need advice on.
Currently I receive a small amount of housing benefit, and some other benefits due to being declared unfit for work.

I am not yet ready to downsize to a one bedroom place. One of the many reasons I wouldn't want that is because I wouldn't be able to host family or friends, or have my grandchildren to stay over.

Looking at private renting a property in the area I need, and big enough for what I want would be approx £400-£500 more per month.

I have a good private pension.
Would I be mad to take a draw down on it, meaning losing all my benefits in order to have a nice big house for the next 10 years, and enjoy what is left of my failing health and mobility?

I know you usually see people on here saying never to give up a council or HA property that is secure. But although mine is secure it is also ridiculously expensive, and miles from anywhere.

OP posts:
minnienono · 29/06/2025 00:48

At your age I’d see if there are any over 55’s accommodation options as they can be cheaper, but check ts&cs really carefully

Cassieskinsismad · 29/06/2025 00:58

Yes you would be mad to give it up. You've got health issues and if you think it'll suck in a 1bed, I can assure you it'll suck a whole lot more to be going through an eviction process and end up in temporary accommodation waiting for another social housing place. It's not just about money, it's about the number of rentals available. If your private LL asks you to leave you may find yourself with nowhere else to go. Leaving you with no option other than the homelessness system.

You'll find someone to swap HA property with you, but you need to be realistic about offering them something in return. Nobody swaps for fun, it's a hassle and a risk, it's always done to gain something. Somewhere out there is a family in a one or two bedroom flat who would love to have your 3bed house with garden and would be willing to suck up the rent in order to gain significantly more space. You can't have it every which way though. You're unlikely to find someone to swap with you who has a 2bed house with garden in a nice area. They wouldn't be gaining enough to make the extra rent worthwhile. What you'd lose in space you'd gain in proximity to family, that's your payoff.

If people stay over they'll have to do what most people do (because spare bedrooms isn't really normal any more) and sleep on sofa/blow up bed on floor etc. Stop being precious about it, it's a few days, they don't need a proper bed. If there's too many staying they get a hotel. Alternatively, you go stay with them and be the one on the sofa/spare bedroom if they have it/they move two kids in together temporarily so you can have a bed. All the usual solutions basically that don't involve living beyond your means. You can't afford a spare bedroom, that's the reality of it.

It's unclear from your post, but if the council are willing to rehouse you without doing a swap then grab that opportunity with both hands. You're very lucky, if that's the case.

CrotchetyQuaver · 29/06/2025 12:00

The chances are the HA want your house back for a family who need the space. I'd talk to the HA about the possibility of meeting in the middle with a 2 bed place? Obviously I don't know whereabouts you are, but usually the family size houses are in high demand.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

General money
Enterthewolves · 29/06/2025 12:03

Yes you would be mad.

Miley23 · 29/06/2025 12:03

Amazing how you have been able to give all your savings away to your kids and then claim benefits currently. I'm surprised the local authority haven't queried this.

Holdonforsummer · 29/06/2025 12:06

Miley23 · 29/06/2025 12:03

Amazing how you have been able to give all your savings away to your kids and then claim benefits currently. I'm surprised the local authority haven't queried this.

Edited

I was thinking this too, don’t want to be mean but you had enough money to help 5 children onto the property ladder and are now claiming benefits on a HA property. Really odd priorities!

Original poster
LuckyManifestations · 29/06/2025 23:58

minnienono · 29/06/2025 00:48

At your age I’d see if there are any over 55’s accommodation options as they can be cheaper, but check ts&cs really carefully

Over 55s places are no good for me as I want to have space for family and grandchildren to stay over, and room to entertain.
Im not yet ready to give those things up.

OP posts:
Original poster
LuckyManifestations · 30/06/2025 00:01

Miley23 · 29/06/2025 12:03

Amazing how you have been able to give all your savings away to your kids and then claim benefits currently. I'm surprised the local authority haven't queried this.

Edited

I think its because I wasn't on benefits at the time I gifted the money.
It was by no means all my savings, just the settlement amount from my divorce.

OP posts:
cestlavielife · 30/06/2025 00:01

Take the one bedyou need security you do not need to have empty rooms to host guests
You can draw down pension to pay for an annual family holiday altogether.

Original poster
LuckyManifestations · 30/06/2025 00:04

Holdonforsummer · 29/06/2025 12:06

I was thinking this too, don’t want to be mean but you had enough money to help 5 children onto the property ladder and are now claiming benefits on a HA property. Really odd priorities!

Show quote history

I was working full time when I gifted the money to my children, and claiming nothing from the government.
I had a serious accident in 2020 and it left me unable to work.
I am entitled to a HA house and the benefits I receive because money that is invested in a private pension isn't classed as savings.

OP posts:
Original poster
LuckyManifestations · 30/06/2025 00:09

CrotchetyQuaver · 29/06/2025 12:00

The chances are the HA want your house back for a family who need the space. I'd talk to the HA about the possibility of meeting in the middle with a 2 bed place? Obviously I don't know whereabouts you are, but usually the family size houses are in high demand.

You would think so, however on the many occasions I have asked them to find me somewhere closer to my family in order to free up a 3 bed house, they have told me that they can't help as Im not struggling to pay the rent, nor do I need to move on medical grounds, so I am not 'in need'.
Madness I know.

OP posts:
MyNameIsAlexDrake · 30/06/2025 00:13

Yep, you’d be mad to draw down on your pension to have folk stay over a few times a year. Are you mad! No, stay put ffor now, pay the extra to the rent and keep advertising for a swap, you’ll get one, people will be crying out for 3 beds. Have you let your housing authority know that you want a 2 bed rather than a 1 bed?

Original poster
LuckyManifestations · 30/06/2025 00:21

MyNameIsAlexDrake · 30/06/2025 00:13

Yep, you’d be mad to draw down on your pension to have folk stay over a few times a year. Are you mad! No, stay put ffor now, pay the extra to the rent and keep advertising for a swap, you’ll get one, people will be crying out for 3 beds. Have you let your housing authority know that you want a 2 bed rather than a 1 bed?

Its not a few times a year though.
I have 3 of my grandchildren at least once a week, and several friends maybe once a month.

Plus I like to entertain.

I haven't told my HA anything because Im wanting to privately rent now as I have been trying to swap for over 4 years, and my rent is so high its been impossible.

OP posts:
MyNameIsAlexDrake · 30/06/2025 00:47

Well, you don’t have much choice then do you? You’ll have to private rent and pay for it yourself. It’s a risk though, where you might end up after your draw down funds are gone.

Cassieskinsismad · 30/06/2025 01:08

CrotchetyQuaver · 29/06/2025 12:00

The chances are the HA want your house back for a family who need the space. I'd talk to the HA about the possibility of meeting in the middle with a 2 bed place? Obviously I don't know whereabouts you are, but usually the family size houses are in high demand.

They generally only help rehouse where they can gain two bedrooms. They also can't reasonably allocate her a 2bed, housing is based on need and she doesn't need a 2bed, her downsizing is a separate issue to the new allocation. So unless there's a complete shortage of 1beds in her area she's got no chance of a 2bed.

OP they don't care about your desired lifestyle, housing is allocated based on need. You don't need to entertain friends and look after grandchildren sleeping over every week. Those are lifestyle choices as I'm sure you understand. The parent's need for childcare (if that's what it's about) isn't your landlords problem and they don't have to accommodate for it.

If you choose to prioritize these things and "live for today" even though it means throwing away housing security in the future then yes, you're mad, but it's a free country and you have the right to make unwise choices. Have you read some of the other threads by people living in social housing? You've lucked out with a good one. Lots aren't so lucky. I can't honestly think you fully understand what you're risking, if you make this decision. Even if you get rehoused by the council in the future you could find yourself in an absolutely dire situation that affects your health. Would the memories of all the fun you've had make up for that? Or do you feel quite certain you'd be able to afford a nice private rental once you've reached retirement age, even with your reduced pension pot? No need to answer if you don't want to, just things for you to consider.

You can draw down pension to pay for an annual family holiday altogether.

She can't necessarily do that, it'll maybe mean it's counted as income and affect her benefits.

Original poster
LuckyManifestations · 30/06/2025 06:43

Cassieskinsismad · 30/06/2025 01:08

They generally only help rehouse where they can gain two bedrooms. They also can't reasonably allocate her a 2bed, housing is based on need and she doesn't need a 2bed, her downsizing is a separate issue to the new allocation. So unless there's a complete shortage of 1beds in her area she's got no chance of a 2bed.

OP they don't care about your desired lifestyle, housing is allocated based on need. You don't need to entertain friends and look after grandchildren sleeping over every week. Those are lifestyle choices as I'm sure you understand. The parent's need for childcare (if that's what it's about) isn't your landlords problem and they don't have to accommodate for it.

If you choose to prioritize these things and "live for today" even though it means throwing away housing security in the future then yes, you're mad, but it's a free country and you have the right to make unwise choices. Have you read some of the other threads by people living in social housing? You've lucked out with a good one. Lots aren't so lucky. I can't honestly think you fully understand what you're risking, if you make this decision. Even if you get rehoused by the council in the future you could find yourself in an absolutely dire situation that affects your health. Would the memories of all the fun you've had make up for that? Or do you feel quite certain you'd be able to afford a nice private rental once you've reached retirement age, even with your reduced pension pot? No need to answer if you don't want to, just things for you to consider.

You can draw down pension to pay for an annual family holiday altogether.

She can't necessarily do that, it'll maybe mean it's counted as income and affect her benefits.

Show quote history

I think maybe I wasn't clear in my op. I am not asking or expecting the HA to rehome me.

You are correct in saying its a 'live for today' mentality I have, but that is because I want to enjoy my life before my disabilities make entertaining and having grandchildrn stay over impossible.

My plan for when that happens was to look at one of those private retirement village places. I went to an open day for a newly built one, and decided that it was something that would suit me. The flats are very spacious, and have a restaurant, gym and pool as well included in the rent along with all utilities included.

OP posts:
Original poster
LuckyManifestations · 30/06/2025 06:45

MyNameIsAlexDrake · 30/06/2025 00:47

Well, you don’t have much choice then do you? You’ll have to private rent and pay for it yourself. It’s a risk though, where you might end up after your draw down funds are gone.

When my drawdown funds are gone, I would have to start taking regulary from my pension pot.

OP posts:
Frequency · 30/06/2025 06:48

Have you looked into over 55s complexes? The one I used to work in had affordable HA flats that were all 2 bedrooms and it had a guest flat that relatives could stay in for a nominal cleaning fee. They were nice sized flats too, easily big enough for a pull out in the living area.

Original poster
LuckyManifestations · 30/06/2025 06:49

Thank you everyone for your thoughts.

It seems that yes, I shouldn't aim to give up my home and private rent Blush

OP posts:
Frequency · 30/06/2025 06:51

LuckyManifestations · 30/06/2025 06:49

Thank you everyone for your thoughts.

It seems that yes, I shouldn't aim to give up my home and private rent Blush

I wouldn't give up an assured tenancy for private renting even if someone paid me to and I wouldn't advise anyone else to. That way madness lies.

Original poster
LuckyManifestations · 30/06/2025 06:52

Frequency · 30/06/2025 06:48

Have you looked into over 55s complexes? The one I used to work in had affordable HA flats that were all 2 bedrooms and it had a guest flat that relatives could stay in for a nominal cleaning fee. They were nice sized flats too, easily big enough for a pull out in the living area.

I briefly did yes, however as I said before, its not for me yet.

OP posts:
Original poster
LuckyManifestations · 30/06/2025 06:54

Frequency · 30/06/2025 06:51

I wouldn't give up an assured tenancy for private renting even if someone paid me to and I wouldn't advise anyone else to. That way madness lies.

Show quote history

Even if the rent is ridiculously high, you are miles from family and private rental is easily within your means?

OP posts:
PosiePerkinPootleFlump · 30/06/2025 06:58

How much pension do you have, and what is your plan for taking it, with your property rental plan? Drawing it all down before state pension kicks in? Or will you have some remaining then even if you private rent now?

Goldusty · 30/06/2025 07:02

LuckyManifestations · 29/06/2025 23:58

Over 55s places are no good for me as I want to have space for family and grandchildren to stay over, and room to entertain.
Im not yet ready to give those things up.

Show quote history

With respect, I think you are being greedy. The divorce settlement will have been to give you some financial stability over the years. You have willingly deprived yourself of this and decided the tax payer must fund your lifestyle.

Frequency · 30/06/2025 07:02

It was never the rental price that bothered me in private rentals it was the uncertainty, not being allowed to make the home my own, excessive inspections and intrusion into my home life and the lack of repairs carried out. But I was never lucky enough to have a decent landlord. Try asking around for recommendations for good landlords in the area you want to move to but ime you've as much chance of buying a unicorn on the cheap as you have in finding a good landlord.