Dad losing his cool with autistic 3 year old

[SassyTraybake]

I dont know if I’ve reacted right, but I would like to know what you’d have done.

Our son is 3 years old, non verbal, and autistic. He’s high needs, he has a lot of meltdowns and he hits a lot.
Earlier he was with his dad - he was hungry and he hit his dad, his dad squeezed his arm and made him cry - he had left a mark that was visible for a few minutes.

Tonight he kept getting out of bed, his dad offered him a banana but he was cranky and refused to eat it, his dad for whatever reason decided to put it in his mouth, he angrily spat it out and kept crying, his dad grabbed his upper arm and walked towards the bedroom, he was walking slowly so his dad picked him from that one upper arm to take him to his bedroom - all while he was crying.

Well, I dare say by the time this has posted MN will have got your ducks in a row ready to LTB.

I have not been a very nice parent today. I grabbed my four year olds hands today and held on too tight when he tried to get free and had to apologise as he said I was hurting him I’ve also shouted at both my children. It’s hot and sticky, I barely slept last night. It doesn’t excuse it but I’ve apologised to them; I’ll do better tomorrow. I’m a human being and I don’t get it right all the time and I don’t expect DH to either

But I wasn’t there and only you know how bad it was.

This is abusive. If he’s genuinely never shown anything like this before I would spell out to him that causing pain on purpose and force feeding are both classed as child abuse and he cannot ever do that again or you’ll report him to your GP and social services, because if you don’t, it makes you complicit. One chance only.

But usually there is a backstory.. I’m guessing he abuses you too and this isn’t actually the first time?

Completely unacceptable, especially leaving a mark. I would be speaking to NSPCC and seeking more support for your family. If it happened again, I would call the police.

Oh OP. It’s so hard. I get that everybody has bad days especially with high needs children…..but he forcefully shoved food into your vulnerable 3 year old’s mouth….i just couldn’t forgive my DH for that, or ever leave him alone with my child again.