What age were your teens when you stopped waiting up for them to come home at night?

[Hertsmum78]

Just that! When can I go to bed with my phone next to the bed and trust my teenager to get home safely?

Please don’t say 18 or never! (Mine is about to turn 16 and one of us still always collects him or waits up if he’s getting himself home.)

I have a 5yo so no skin in the game yet, but my DM stopped when I was about 19. Although thay coincided with me starting a bar job and working until 4am

Only my DSD who is old enough yet but our answers 18. Any time before that she has a agreed curfew and If late/early hours we go to bed and set an alarm to either pick her up or check she’s home.

I have to say never. As long as my DC are under my roof, I can’t sleep unless I know they’re safe.

@merrymelody i slightly fear this will be the case with me! 😢

I will still wait up for my DS who is 17, but by ‘wait up’, I mean I’ll get in bed and read or watch something on my laptop until I hear him come in. The exception is when he is at work (where he sometimes doesn’t finish until midnight). Once he’s confirmed that he’s got a lift home sorted, or a cab, then I can sleep.

DD is 19 and I will go to sleep when she goes out clubbing (a couple of times a month). She doesn’t get home until 4 or 5, and sometimes goes to a friend’s afterwards. I usually get up in the night for a wee so will often check Find my Phone then to check she is either still at the club, en route home or at a friend’s.

My 27 year is temporarily living at home again. I won’t go to sleep until I know she is in.

Obviously I didn’t check up on her every night when she was living elsewhere, and won’t when she moves out, but this feels different!

I don’t think you ever stop. My mum says you never sleep fully again after children as you are always listening out, even as they grow up you are listening. My Dad always used to shout when I crawled home in the wee hours ’Is that you hen?’ And I’d always shout ‘no it’s an axe murderer!’ His response was always ‘aye well just keep the noise doon!’

I'm with you OP, DS just turned 16 and thinks he's invincible but we either pick him up or he's getting an uber on my account and tracker on phone so can track him. Apparently all his friends just get home on their own whenever and however.
I'd like to ask what is a sensible time for age 16 to be home. I think 11pm but apparently that's too early.

Honestly? When they left home.

Sixteen.

They all got their drivers licenses at 16 (in US) and went out on many a weekend with friends. I asked them to call me if their lift home didn't pan out or if they wanted to leave wherever it was that they were for some reason.

I never did phone tracking. I feel you either trust your teen or you don't, and tracking is just a sign of parental anxiety that needs to be addressed some other way.

My Mum waited up for me most nights until I moved out at 20! 🙈🤣 She would be in bed but she wouldnt sleep. It was always in the back of my mind when I was out though, that she wouldn't settle until she knew I was home safe. So I would always check in with her and let her know when/how I was getting home. I don't have children, but one of my step daughters mentioned getting the bus back to our home the night before we all go away, after work, at gone 11pm! I was like, absolutely not, I know you're 18 and sensible, but your Dad will pick you up. The thought of her getting a bus alone to the next town at that time just panics me. I just think those instincts are instilled into most women, mothers or not, and I dont think I'd ever not worry when it comes to young people traveling alone late at night. I used to walk home from work late at her age, and I look back now and wonder what on earth I was even thinking!

I never had a curfew. My DCs rarely went out on school nights though, as they had homework and sports meets.

I feel that teens need to start early to do their own time management, to practice realising their own limits, and to learn to make sensible decisions.

It's far too late to begin all of that when they get to university.

With my son it was 16 but I would only be able to go to bed if I'd messaged him asking if he was coming home and he'd replied. He started going to parties and sometimes just stayed there until the morning. I didn't mind that as long as I knew not to expect him, in fact I preferred that to him walking home in the middle of the night. I didn't have a curfew or anything, I didn't find it necessary. Communication was better and he understood to let me know his plans or I'd be worried.

Mine have never really been the type to be out late anyway, but DS1 (20) now works the late shift at work and doesnt get home until midnight. I don't "wait up" but whilst I might be in bed when he gets home I don't turn my light off and go to sleep until I hear him come in.

I never slept until she was in. Even after DD left home I would sometimes text if I felt worried.
She put me on friend finder for abit but my anxiety went through the roof and I got on her nerves, so she deleted me 😄 for the best I think!!

My eldest is nearly 22. I definitely felt I sort of breathed out a bit after she turned 18. Everything felt like my responsibility before then whereas now it is hers. She's living at home currently and I do worry if she isn't home before I go to sleep and ill text her but I don't obsess.

Once mine was 18, I stopped waiting up. However, our deal was that I would let her know I was off to bed and she'd let me know what her movements were. Same as math anxiety I don't track her, so i very much appreciate the texts to let me know where she is, what she's doing and when she's home.

The one piece of advice I'll always be grateful to my MIL for is "whatever it is it'll always be easier with a good nights sleep" and her pointing out that my phone ringing is so unusual it'll always wake me.

It did vary. DD2 is extremely sensible so I went to bed when she was 16. DD1 has a health condition and is also, in her own words, in a world of her own most of the time so I still worry about her now in her 20s.

Often it dependent on where they're going and who they are with as well.

My deal with mine is that you let me know your plans, and you message if they change.
I don't care if that's a 2am "going to a party after the club" message - if you've told me you'll be in your bed in the morning then have the courtesy to make me aware if you won't be.

No trust with my eldest daughter at all when she was 15/16 as a nightmare so literally by the front room window pacing till she was home then she turned a corner at 17 and was grand. So when the parties etc started she had her cab fair home, I’d doze on top of my bed phone on loud etc then go check the door was locked when she was in.
My four sons and step daughter a dream. They stuck to curfews, kept in touch when any changes occurred and DH and I went out , lived our life in full confidence they were where they said, home when they said and no issues.

depends on the child
trust your gut

Honestly, I don’t think it ever happens. I know when I lived at home, even though I was out till all hours from a young age my parents always slept with one eye open. I moved out at 19 but my brothers were older, one of my parents was always up, regardless of how old they were or late they stayed out. The last time I stayed at their house and went on a night out, I was 40yo, my DF was sat in the kitchen waiting for me at 3am to make sure I got back ok 🤷‍♀️

My DCs aren’t there yet but I suspect it will be the same with DH and myself. We do have the advantage of phone tracking which my parents never had though.

I do think it’s easier when they leave home. I always found it funny that my parents had no idea where I was or what time I was out till when I wasnt living with them, but when I visited they couldn’t settle until I was home, as I say even at 40yo,

Well. Mine are 45 and 48 and the little buggers are still not home.
Only just joking.

My mum would still be lurking in the dark in the front room when I was in my early 20s. (Lomg before mobile phones). It was so mortifying if a lad had walked me home. She wasn't so much worried as a nosy bugger making sure I didn't sneak anyone in.

Well I am still awake as my late teen is still out. Usually light sleep until they get in. But easier when they are at uni as don’t know their movements but click back into mum mode when they are back in summer holidays