Nigerian eitiquette

[ParlourGame]

(Not sure where else to post this).
Background: I recently moved from a very mono-cultural place (think over 97% white British in the 2011 census), to somewhere more diverse. I don't know if this makes me ignorant about cultural sensitivity, or paranoid about messing up, or both.

My new Nigerian neighbours have invited me for Sunday lunch.
Is there anything I should know about culture/etiquette?
E.g. - do I take a hostess gift? If so, what?

• are there rules about shoes on/off, or other clothing?
• what about food etiquette?

Thank you everyone

Presumably you live in the UK? And so do they?

I imagine if they’re able to navigate everyday life in the UK they are entirely accustomed to UK manners and won’t expect anything unusual of you. So I would strongly, strongly suggest you behave with exactly the courtesy and consideration you would offer to White hosts who invite you for lunch. In other words, just go with the flow.

Nigeria is a huge country - no one on this thread could possibly tell you, without more, what particular culture pertains to your hosts.

(Though I’m curious whether by Nigerian you mean newly arrived from Nigeria, or third generation yuppies with a distant connection to the country. If the latter they might not appreciate any attempt to portray them as weird foreigners.)

I'd always take the host a gift, maybe some flowers unless you know if they drink. I always offer to take my shoes off in someone's house. I compliment the house, I compliment the food. I thank my hosts when I go.

Just treat them exactly as you would if they were white

Yes on the gift front! I would just do that naturally regardless of someone’s culture. And it’s always nice to at least offer to take your shoes off. Im sure you’d be welcome in whatever clothes you normally wear!

I went to college (as a mature student) with a lovely West African lady - I can't remember exactly where from. She invited me and my daughters over one Sunday afternoon at 3pm. It just happened that on that day we had the most enormous Sunday lunch before we went out. We were not expecting to eat there, obviously, and we were very surprised that she had cooked us the most delicious meal. In case you were wondering - it wasn't anything obviously West African, but this was in 1993 and our very 'white' city had no African grocery shops then (we now have 3 or 4) so that may have been because she couldn't get the ingredients.

My children were wonderful, so well behaved, and none of us let her have any inkling at all that we were actually full before we got there and we all manfully made a huge effort to eat as much as we could.

I'm just telling you this in case you are not expecting to eat and they have cooked for you. If I was doing it again I would have a very light lunch so that I wouldn't be starving if I wasn't fed, but so that I would be able to fit in another meal if necessary.

I have absolutely NO idea of what Nigerian visitor etiquette is - I would offer to take off my shoes, as I would anywhere, and take a small gift, but that is what I would do for anyone. Google is probably your friend.... Look it up

I'm just telling you this in case you are not expecting to eat and they have cooked for you

From the OP:My new Nigerian neighbours have invited me for Sunday lunch.
I'm pretty sure being invited for lunch means she is expecting to eat.

It would be a nice gesture to take a small gift like flowers, etc. ask if it's a shoes off or on household.
I'd wear something nice too as most of the African people I know are very religious and alot dress up for Sunday's.
I just love seeing families leave for church on Sunday mornings. Cute little kids in suits and pretty frocks and the most glamorous looking women.....sequins, glitter, sparkle, feathers, huge hats and gold or silver shoes. I'm in absolute awe of them!😃

Nigeria is a massive country with hundreds of different cultures that bear little or no similarity to each other. Even a Nigerian couldn’t give you any advice based on that information you’ve provided (I should know, as I am one).

There’s also individual preference and variation.

Take a gift (as you hopefully would regardless of their nationality), compliment the food, and don’t make it weird. If they want you to take off your shoes, they’ll ask.

This ^^

I absolutely hate the othering in these threads even if the OPs are well meaning.

They're just your neighbours OP.

If they want you to take your shoes off then take them off. If they don't, then leave them on.

If you want to take a gift then take one as I assume it's the done thing in your own culture?

As for food etiquette, just try not to fling it round the room.

Yup. The comment about all the religious Africans in their ‘sequins, glitter, sparkle, feathers’ was particularly special.

We’re such a ‘vibrant’ people, eh? All 1.6 billion of us. A religious sequinned monolith.

Sorry, but my culture is to take a bottle of wine when invited to a meal. I'm culturally aware enough to know not to do that if invited by Muslim neighbours.

I also know that there are some cultures where a clean plate means "I love the food," and others where it means "you should give me more."

My neighbours are first generation arrivals. I appreciate the criticism that Nigeria is a large country. My neighbour has described herself as 1) Nigerian and 2) Christian. I was genuinely seeking to avoid unintentional offence. I don't know enough. I would like to know more before going to lunch. ChatGPT was not helpful. I am looking for genuine guidance.

We cannot give you guidance for the reasons stated. There is no single Nigerian culture, so there is no single Nigerian code of etiquette. Different tribes, cultures, languages and histories arbitrarily squished together by colonialism. Even within the country, a Itsekiri person would have no idea what might offend an Igala person.

Not sure what else you want anyone to say.

Thank you, I appreciate your points. While your comment doesn't get me very far in what to to do (not your fault if I ask the impossible), it is generally helpful. Others telling me to just "treat them exactly as if they are white" is very possibly not helpful.

Sorry, but my culture is to take a bottle of wine when invited to a meal. I'm culturally aware enough to know not to do that if invited by Muslim neighbours.

But even then, lots of Muslims drink, they're just not strict Muslims.

I agree if you didn't know whether they drink or not, it's not a good idea to turn up with alcohol.

I also know that there are some cultures where a clean plate means "I love the food," and others where it means "you should give me more."

If you're savvy enough to know about other cultures, please don't assume others are not savvy enough to know about the culture of the country they now live in.

So they'll know the plate thing wouldn't apply to you.

Probably that alone is really helpful advice. Obviously not everyone knows this.

Maybe bring an accompaniment for lunch? Something to go with a rice dish which is what they often eat. Or yam is frequently served too.
I would bring wine, flowers and perhaps some chocolate.

I think it's helpful for you to know that they won't expect you to be anything other than yourself, doing whatever you normally do within your own culture if that make sense?

Love seeing all the colourful outfits too. Puts my congregation to shame to be honest.

i would simply be polite, as you would any other occasion. dress nicely and take flowers or a plant

I suggest a box of chocolates and as a PP said, an empty stomach.

Don't be surprised if you're served Sunday roast with trifle for pudding... as your hosts may well be on a Nigerian forum right now asking for food suggestions for their British guest!

Take flowers and a box of chocolates and relax. They sound like nice neighbours. Lucky you.

I would never take wine as a gift to people that I don't know particularly well. Many people don't drink alcohol for religious or medical reasons, and having had an alcoholic in the family I know what a difficult position it can put someone in to be gifted a bottle of booze.

Flowers or a nice plant as a gift. When I go to a house where I don't know if they like shoes on or off, I always go prepared to have shoes off (no holey socks) and I just ask when I go in " would you like me to take my shoes off?"

Ignore my stupid comment!

In our old house both sets of neighbours were Nigerian. 1st and 2nd gen. The latter became close friends. They were entirely different people apart from both being entirely lovely to have as neighbours. Just be yourself.
If you went to live in Nigeria and invited new neighbours over you wouldn’t expect them to be stressing out trying to guess your cultural foibles.

@ParlourGameYou’ve asked for advice - and people who know more than you do have told you to behave exactly as you would visiting any other neighbours.
We are saying that because that is what your neighbours will expect. Be polite, take a gift if that’s what you normally do, follow your hosts’ lead. If, for instance, you were to take a bottle of wine and they don’t drink, they will accept it politely, laugh, and no doubt pass it on to someone else. In just the same way as your White neighbour. Many Nigerians are wine connoisseurs, while many others drink no alcohol. 🤷‍♀️ The point of socialising with them is that you will get to know them - as individuals.

I am sorry that you don’t feel this advice is sufficient, or very possibly not helpful as you say. If you were hoping for some strange and exotic information I’m afraid I will not be offering it. They live in the UK - they will not be surprised if you behave like a UK guest.