Pregnant - meeting friend tomorrow who's struggling to conceive

[Florence12345]

So I'm currently pregnant with my 4th child, 26 weeks along.

I'm meeting a friend tomorrow evening for food. I know that she's unsuccessfuly ttc since August last year.

I haven't told her yet about my pregnancy.

Last time we met I was pregnant but not showing yet.

She's told me about her ttc struggles durihg our last meeting and I didn't have the heart to tell her I was pregnant again.

Should I just message her now?

What is the best way to go about it?

Thankful for any advice x

I would definitely let her know beforehand. I think it would feel like “surprise” and a slap in the face otherwise. It’s a tricky situation but she can feel happy for you and sad for herself. Equally you can share your knees and STILL talk about her TTC problems.

It might be that she reschedules and, if so, try not to take it personally. She has to protect her peace a little bit!

Personally I think you should give her advance notice, text this evening or in the morning and say something like “just so you know, I won’t be drinking this evening as am expecting” or something.
As someone with fertility problems I’ve found it really difficult to maintain a brave face processing other people’s happy news in person.

Definitely tell her beforehand

Yes tell her.

Tell her beforehand so has a little bit of time to process and get her feelings out without the pressure of having to keep up appearances and be happy for you in the moment.

I can't believe you left it this late. Definitely don't spring it on her in public. Text her now and let her know you are sorry for not telling her sooner, you didn't want to tell her at the meet up incase it upset her.

Absopurely tell her as this was me and was dropped on me how my friend was 16 weeks with no problems. I did go home and cry but I did have DS a year later.

I agree with everyone.

Please don't be surprised if she cancels.

You are obviously extremely fertile and it will feel like a slap in the face however you tell her.

Yeah don’t just show up with a bump, that’s not very tactful.

Definitely tell her ahead of time, give her time to process and get her brave face on. And I'd apologise for not telling her earlier (26 weeks really does seem quite late to be telling her), perhaps you couldn't find the right words.
She might be in a space where she is settled enough to separate disappointment for herself and her joy for you, but I'd also be ready to understand if she wanted to cancel and reschedule.

Yes text her so she has time to collect herself and even decide if she's up for seeing you tomorrow

Okay, I have just sent a WhatsApp.

I know I shouldn't have left it that late - this is partially because I was a bit scared to cause offence or hurt and also partially I have stressful things going on in my life at the moment, my eldest has undiagnosed SEND issues and struggles at school.