if anyone is still awake i would love some advice because I'm too scared to go to sleep

[marilag]

Not sure how my life has got to this point but i'm stuck in this constant hell and I have no idea what else to do apart from try to move away?

About 2 years ago my son got addicted to heroin. It came out of nowhere, as in he went from never using drugs to being addicted seemingly (to me) overnight.

It went the way you might expect in that he may as well be living in a squat, he does have a flat but he has sold everything in it and it is now empty, anything anyone gives to him he will sell it for drugs, give him a bag of food and he even sells that.

It's obviously progressed to him owing money to various dealers because they have started following me when I go to the shop, stopping their car in the middle of my road and shouting at me through their window, had someone literally follow me in their car to my shop and wait outside for me (I walk, disabled and not allowed to drive) these people know where I live.

On top of all this I have my son coming to my door begging me for money multipul times a day/night, he just keeps coming back, if I say no he then starts with the manipulation saying he's starving etc and just need a few pounds, I caved after a week of him coming five times a day and gave him £5, He walked right out of the shop and straight to a waiting car and gave them the money I just gave him.

I can't cope anymore, it's every single day of my life, People i don't know know where I live, I'm being followed, I no longer feel safe going out, I don't even feel safe putting my bin out anymore, I just feel like I'm being watched, like I might get hurt etc every knock at my door is making me jump, I'm also getting people outside my front door at 3am just standing there in the dark then running off, Just now I got a text message from an unknown number saying 'you ripped me off you little c*t, I want my fucing money' sent to my son but to my number because my son keeps giving my number out to them so I'm also being harrassed that way too.

Police aware, police been aware for two years, nothing ever gets done about any of it so I'm wondering will my housing association move me away under these circumstances? I know I used to have a neighbour that was going through domestic violence and they moved her away for her own safety but I know my situation isn't the same.

Change your number and don't give it to your son.
Had the police any advice? Is there any charity that might have advice? Please inform the police of this recent message.
For your own safety I think you gave to go no contact with your son. If you move, you don't tell him and don't tell him where. He's putting you in danger and will continue to do so.
I'm so sorry you're going through this..

I am also so sorry this is happening to you. I think @YourOnMute is spot on OP with their advice. You need support and it is getting to the point where it is dangerous and you need to look after yourself. 💐

I'd ask son if he was prepared to move away with you or wanted to stay completely on his own. Could you get your DS to go to his GP and get put in to Methadone to come off of the Heroin? If I was you I'd move far away from where you live now. Don't council properties and housing associations have swaps to other areas? If your DS refuses to accept help from GP to go onto Methadone programme to cure his addiction there is little you can do for him. Don't give him money under any circumstances. Offer him a cooked meal but never any money as if you do it will just enable him to buy more drugs. In your shoes I'd move far away to protect yourself and change your phone number. I wouldn't give your DS my new number but I'd ring him from a burner phone with no contract just a pay as you go each week. Don't blame yourself for your DS addiction. I'd try really hard to get him away from these dealers to get both of you a fresh start somewhere new.

he doesn't want help, they have had him on methadone but he either sells that to get heroin, takes both of them together or gets someone to pee in a bottle so he looks like he's not taking anything.

he tells everyone he wants help but once its all set up he bails and calls me controlling.

Please discuss this with your housing association and see what they say. They may well be able to move you out of the area for your own safety. If you move, don't give your son your new address. Do as PP said and change your phone number and don't give the new number to your son.

You need to safeguard your own safety.
At this point there is limited choice for a safe relationship with your son. He gives your number to threatening dealers and possibly your address. He has enabled them to know your address and your movements.
I know he is your son, but moving in with him is a big danger to you. Him knowing your address is dangerous. Unfortunately you cannot trust him. As hard, hard as that is.
Change your number tomorrow if you can. Do not give it to him. Be careful giving it to people he may know, including family. I wouldn't.
Log all this with the police.
If you move, do not under any circumstances give him any details of anything.

It's so sad but I also feel you should break away from your son.
Change your phone number and don't give it to him. Move house but don't tell him your new address.
Change email address.

This is so awful but if you stay in contact with him, he could put you in an early grave.

So sorry

I hope it helps a little that people are responding, it's not as if we can actually do anything to help except offer advice to give you a bit of support. I'd be terrified in your situation but if anything happens to your property ring police back straight away.

As far as your son is concerned you have to put yourself first because he clearly isn't considering you at all.

Addiction is hard but only the addict can do anything about it to change their situation - it's down to them whether they do it, nobody can make them change.

Don't give him anything if all he does is sells it x

So sorry you’re going through this OP, there has been addiction in my family and I know it’s hell. Have a whole set of unrelated problems at the moment and raging insomnia as a result, hope you have managed to fall asleep xx

I wish I could help or advise you but sadly I can't.
But definitely worth contacting HA and asking them. My sincere sympathy to you.

I think you need to move and change your number. Sorry to be hard. My
brother is like this. As long as your son is on drugs, your son’s a lost cause.

So sorry you having to deal with this situation.
maybe narcotics anonymous NA there should be a national phone number, maybe they will be able to advise what can be done to help you ? And give you real advise on how to try to be safe . Meaning someone who has recovered from drug addiction will have better insight.
Adult social Services, who may have some weight with your local housing to get you moved from your current home .
Even a women’s refuge charity ? You must be petrified.

UKNANarcotics Anonymous in the United Kingdom
Helpline: 10.00am - midnight tel:03009991212 0300 999 1212

The freephone, 24-hour National Domestic Abuse Helplinetel:08082000247 0808 2000 247

look up your local authority for Adult social services.

due to you being at risk and your son is emotionally abusing you and being followed and intimidated by dealers .
Please phone some organisation/ charity and perhaps you will get the ball rolling for your safety .

I just wanted to make sure you have details for specialised helplines and groups that support families of addicts. It is an immensely hard place to be emotionally and you deserve all the support you can get, as well as deserving a safe place to live . Having some expert support before and after moving might help you avoid ending up in the same situation in a new home. https://www.nhs.uk/live-well/addiction-support/advice-for-the-families-of-drug-users/

Try Victim Support for advice and help, it is all free. My heart goes out to you.

You should absolutely be entitled to a different property in this situation, especially given your disability and the vulnerability this may leave you with. Depending on what information the police hold your housing association might just need any reports the police hold, but you may find they want more evidence and you need to start reporting more to the police, for example ringing whenever your son comes to your home.
It will be very important following a move that you don’t provide your son with your telephone contact details or an address. If you want to leave communication open you can always give him an email address and set one up just to contact him. I would also highly recommend you attend nar anon groups, which can support you with the experience of having a child with substance misuse difficulties.

Op - no advice to add to the good advice above. But hugely thinking of you and sending strength. Drugs are bloody awful.

It sounds as scary as hell.
You must go no contact with your son.
Move house asap and don’t give him your new address (or even tell him you’re leaving).
Change your phone number.
Hope you can make a better life for yourself.

Oh op, I felt heartbroken for you reading your post. How devastating to be in such danger every day. So frightening.

Please call the police and HA today and ask if you can move immediately, you are seriously at risk. Can you stay in a premier inn or with relatives or friends while you wait for this to take place? I don’t think you are remotely safe. There might be a possibility of a refuge or other options you can go to immediately op. Please ask them today.

I would purchase a new phone. Block the threatening calls and numbers on your current phone but stop using it. You can keeo the phone so you can receive messages from your son. So there is a channel of communication, if you need to stay loosely in contact.

Under no circumstances can he ever know where you are staying or where you move to. I would stop seeing him in person altogether for now. There is too much risk you will be followed and harmed. His addiction is so severe he has resorted to exploiting you.

Once you are safely living elsewhere, you can decide if you turn your old phone off altogether if he is demanding money or to see you. You have the option to decide then. A new phone that he does not have the number for can be used day to day for everything else.

You can not save your son. In time, at some point he will need to do that himself. You can only save yourself now. He has drawn you into an underworld that is so dangerous and your entire focus must be to safely leave.

In the mean time if you really have nowhere to go, and have to wait - please ask for a panic alarm to be installed. This will automatically send a high response team to your house. A ring door bell. Cameras and maybe have your shopping delivered for now.

I am so sorry this had happened to you, it is one of the most chilling things I have read on here. You fully deserve to feel safe and be able to sleep at night.

@marilag It does sound like getting a doorbell camera/surveillance at your home is a good place to start. Are you friendly with any well-built male neighbors who might be capable & willing to at least make their presence obvious if these people come around your home? You could also check Facebook/NextDoor to see if there is a group for your nejghborhood, there you will at least be able to post a warning about these people (no need to go into specifics, you can always simply say they seem to have targeted you and keep the focus on the harassment)