Counselling for kids - good idea? poss CBT, art therapy

[unlikelychump]

Has anybody arranged counselling for children, or had it themselves as a child? My children have been going through a hard time with my DH having mental health issues and not dealing with them very well. He has been doing a bit better recently and I started to think they would be ok, but then he got overtired on the weekend and lost it and they all went back to the highly anxious behaviour immediately. So I have decided they need something, probably some kind of talking therapy, except one of them doesn't really share feelings. I'm wondering about art therapy for that one (13yo) and possibly CBT or else some other type of talking Therapy for the 11yo.

Has anybody got any experiences of this and can say whether it was beneficial?

Also any recommendations would be great.

I don't think CBT would be appropriate at all in this situation.
I'm a play therapist and yes it could be helpful but an environment change sounds more important.. if the environment is causing the problem and it doesn't change, it's very hard for one hour a week to change things. It would give a place to be seen and heard though, yes. Counselling may also be appropriate for these ages or maybe family therapy. I'm assuming your husband is getting his own therapy/meds as this would be step one for me. Your and your husband's communication with them on it is also hugely important.

My friend is an Art Therapist and she’s really keen on how it helps kids.

Agree. CBT is cognitive behavioural therapy - changing their cognitions (thoughts) to bring about behavioural change. It doubt it would be effective if the environment is out of their control.

As an example - if dad shouts at them and makes them scared it’s not really their responsibility to change how they think about that.

Art therapy sounds better but I do think you need to make big plans to change their environment, I’m not sure what the details are but perhaps giving them a safe and comforting den that you can spend time in as a family but also somewhere they can retreat to if DH is having issues (very difficult if MH related - normally I’d think if your DH is making the children anxious then you need to protect your children and get him / them out of there)

I would ask what outlets are available via school for them to talk about what’s going on at home. But mostly, I’d focus on changing what’s going on a home. You can’t get therapy to change someone else’s behaviour or a scary environment. It sounds like your Dh needs to get some therapy and sort himself out. I have a lot of past trauma and a serious life threatening illness. When I get tired and overwhelmed, I go lie down for an hour. I don’t scare my kids.

Your children don’t need therapy, they need a parent who doesn’t “lose it”.

CBT no, no way
Ideally, therapy for your DH
Therapy for you
Some sort of therapeutic support, emotional support for your DC, definitely with a specifically trained child/adolescent counsellor, not just a counsellor that's done some CPD on children.

Also no to CBT it frames everything as something wrong with your behaviour. I can understand for smoking or habits but trying to change a justified response is ridiculous.

Thanks for your thoughts all really helpful. I'm glad art therapy might be good.

I thought of cbt for my second daughter as she has some anxiety type behaviours more broadly as well, but I accept the point.

Re dh yes he has meds and therapy, things had been starting to improve a bit but I was shocked by the impact on everyone of his lapse. (Just to be clear it isn't abusive language or violence, more stropping around type behaviours, but the impact is significant)

Family therapy is also an option but he lacks emotional ability tbh so picking my time is crucial. I am trying to think of someone to listen and provide support for them on top of what I and the support network do.

They are getting in school support. Dd1 was on the list for an NHS counselling project but funding ceased so she just fell of list a couple of weeks ago.

That's great they're getting in- school support. It's a really difficult situation. I think the most important thing is that it is made crystal clear that it is not their fault and they are not responsible for moods etc. Is your dh capable of saying that he's not on form today so is going to lie down say, ie remove himself and his mood from the situation? It will still have an impact of course but might be better? Or can you be v vocal and reassuring that it is Dad's issue and not theirs etc? You probably already do this. Art or play therapy may be suitable and as I say would provide an ear and a heart that is unconditional and nonjudgemental but I do know play therapists who wouldn't take a child who's environment isn't going to change and they would suggest resourcing the parent as a pre therapy plan. You can't heal from something that is continuing.. Wishing you all the best.