Any tips for an event I am so nervous of being at?

[PatchWorkAnnie]

New partner is MOH. Sister's wedding.

I know 'partner' isn't favoured on here but I am reluctant to say 'girlfriend' when we're both in our forties!

Been seeing this woman for a few weeks although we've been known one another a few months.

She invited me as her plus one before we even got together, just saying she needs a plus one and can I be her date. I said no at first, it just seemed a bit weird!

But now we've had a few dates and things are going very well, I love weddings anyway... I've said I will go.

I imagine she'll be doing 'duties' for some of the day.

Their whole family are staying in a very 'naice' cottage for the days of the wedding (whole weekend I think) where I'll also be staying for three nights.

I have only seen new partner alone so far, although I've taken her to one of my friend's events. I doubt I'll have time to meet any of her family before the wedding either.

I am not sure why I am so nervous-scared of doing something or saying something wrong, knocking a drink over, all of them having never met me, feeling like I am an intruder? Maybe. I am not usually an underconfident person either, if it were a work's do or something I'd be fine-it just feels so personal and so much to deal with at once.

We're both gay women, if that matters.

Honestly, I would just kindly decline: “I feel this is a family and close friends affair and you will be busy and needed…I prefer to let you get on with it without having to look after me” but then I’m an antisocial so and so that hates weddings :)

I have already said that! She says it'll be fine. I do feel a bit like that, I will feel as if I am an imposter.

Updating to say I've met sister and husband to be now so I'm feeling a lot better about the whole thing, but still rather nervous.
I never used to be this nervous about social events but I had a very awful relationship that ended around 10 months ago. I'd decided to never date again but this one feels very real and good. I dont want to jeopardise it.

Any tips for feeling comfortable at this sort of event or in situations one is nervous about? Please?

Honestly, find somewhere else to stay, or travel just for the wedding itself if it’s close enough. I’m socially confident, but I wouldn’t want to share a cottage with total strangers who are the family of someone I’ve gone on a few dates with. I mean, you’re essentially going on a short holiday with the family of someone you’ve just started seeing. I think it’s hugely weird she asked you to share a cottage with her family, and that you agreed to this. I mean, are you sharing a room? Have you even slept together?

I think you’re feeling nervous because this is a deeply weird situation. No one wants to spend three days and nights with the family of someone they’ve just started dating!

My tip to reduce pressure is to Remind yourself that the focus of the event is not on you. You can be a quiet observer of family dynamics for most of it (assuming you’re not a naturally gregarious type) and that’s ok. Nothing will be expected of you. If you’re lucky you will find people to chat with that you connect to so you can be open to it, but it’s somewhat out of your control.

If it were me I would also take breaks away from the group, for example chilling in my room for a couple of hours alone to reset. Others shouldn’t mind this or really notice as they will be busy having family chat.

Over a 3 day weekend I’m sure your partner will have some 1 on 1 times with you which will be great and will power you through.

Yes sharing a room and yes we've slept together several times. I've met her sister and husband now which makes it easier.

I agree, it does feel weird. But less so now.

It's not close though. A good hour and half away in good traffic.

She has been so so good. She's said ill be sitting with her throughout, other than the wedding car and one hr where she's on the top table, and that I'll be with her Mum and aunt who she's assured are happy I'm coming and will look after me. She said this after I told her i was feeling anxious.
She's a very socially confident/extrovert type.

Top tip is to not drink too much (when nervous it can happen) so you can keep it together

Most definitely something I'm mindful of! I most definitely am not planning on getting drunk but it is very easy to sit there sip sip sipping when you're nervous and before you know it the room looks funny. And I'd hate to wake up the next morning not remembering things or wirh hangxiety. Im going to be very careful. Slightly tipsy might be helpful to a small extent but drunk, absolutely not!