Dentist/toothbrush relentless anxiety

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Sorry for the melodramatic title!
However, toothbrushing and the dentist has always been a major source of anxiety for my daughter who is now 11.

The dentist explained when she was very little that she has weak enamel. Something apparently determined in utero. I take her to the dentist every 6 months as they have always wanted to keep a close eye and I absolutely dread every single time. I am always made to feel ashamed about her teeth and the dentist always seems to assume she isn’t brushing. She has had one filling, I’m devastated to say, in an adult tooth.

I brushed her teeth myself twice a day until she was 8. She has brushed them twice a day since then with close supervision with an electric tooth brush which has a 2 minute timer and indicates when to move to the next section of teeth (as advised by the dentist).

The last time she went was the first time the dentist gave total positive feedback, but that doesn’t stop me from absolutely dreading the next appointment.

Recently, she said she really hates the electric toothbrush. Says it vibrates too loud and hurts her head. Also with a few wobbly teeth kind of hurts.

Would switching to a sonic toothbrush feel better? I’ve never used one.

Will this constant worry about her teeth ever end?

Ive never had a filling, for me the dentist has always been a yearly quick appointment with no issues. So dealing with my daughters teeth has opened a whole new door of anxiety I didn’t know existed.

Not really sure what I’m asking for here. But I’m too embarrassed to discuss with friends and family so hoping to get some support here.

Had the dentist given her Duraphat toothpaste? It’s higher in fluoride than normal toothpaste, and my dentist Prescott for DS after he had a filling young.

No, they did prescribe some high fluoride mouthwash but it’s so disgusting to her she refuses to use it and that’s another battle.

Had been there until I found a wonderful dentist who did fluoride sealant for my DD many moons ago. It helped strengthening the teeth enamel and her teeth have been so much better since. For the first time it is usually done in 2 sittings and is free on nhs for kids. She is an adult now but the dentist still refreshes it every now and then.

I also absolutely hate brushing my teeth, I have to pinch my nose as the electric toothbrush makes my nose itch when I use it. However, it is 4 minutes a day divided into 2 and like your DD I also have that low enamel and had that coating stuff put on my teeth about 30 years ago. I also floss again even though I hate it. I am at the dentist this morning and I do not like people poking around in my mouth with metal instruments.

I think the one thing that you can explain to your DD about teeth brushing that a lot of people don't know is that if your gums are inflamed the bone actually dissolves. Then you usually lose the tooth and the replacement is not pleasant. There are lots of videos that I find fascinating about all of this dental work but thie one below is a very child friendly explanation of not brushing/flossing well can lead to.

It helps to know that doing something you don't like prevents some serious stuff later on. This chap's channel is great but does include root canal work if you want to see why brushing is important.

https://www.youtube.com/shorts/AMYeiNCLQkw

There are two parts to this. Firstly, the practical side. Yes, it's certainly worth trying a sonic toothbrush, although they can also be quite 'tickly'. And as PPs have said you should definitely ask her dentist about fissure sealant, although given her enamel is vulnerable I'd have thought this has already been discussed?

The second part of this is the emotional side of it, for you. I'm sure you recognise that you've developed some very unhelpful beliefs and thinking patterns about the issue, and it's not helping you.

A certain degree of anxiety about our children's health is natural and helpful, because it prompts us to take action when we need to (in your case, being extra careful about your DC's teeth). But it's easy for anxiety to become really unhelpful. You're stuck in a pattern of brooding and catastrophising which isn't serving any purpose. This is absolutely something you can change, but you'll probably need some help to do it, either with a therapist or a good self-help programme.

You could start by affirming to yourself:

"I am doing a great job of helping my DD take care of her teeth. I take her to the dentist so that an expert can help her too. If she needs a filling, it will be disappointing, but it won't be my fault and it isn't the end of the world. I will cope with that feeling. If she needs more treatment in the future, I will deal with that then, and I will be successful in managing whatever is needed."