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Help with 6 yo annoying behaviour

6 replies

Halloumiontoast · 22/06/2025 09:16

How do you approach this?
6 yo has a 2.5 yo sister. They often play quite sweetly together but lately he’s doing the “I don’t have any space” when they’re sat together on the sofa (though he has plenty) and he presses her away, so she hits him, or he comes and snatches a toy of hers and says he wants it, and then she hits him. A less physical example is he’ll be a bit wild and start screaming and goofing off “I WANT BUTTERED TOAST MUMMY!” (It’s good hearted) and we ask him to use his inside voice, but the minute DD raises her voice a tiny bit, DS is suddenly very dramatic, hands over ears, “Oh it’s hurting my ears, why are you being so loud???”

I obviously tell DD it’s not okay to hit and remove her, and say to them both to try to use our voice before our bodies. But also my 6 yo is obviously starting these conflicts. Does he feel jealous? Is it for attention? It’s not okay to hiit but I’ve told him she’s still quite small and she’s limited in what she can verbalise, and if he’s elbowing her off of the sofa, she probably feels threatened and that’s why she hits.

What do you do in these situations?

OP posts:
Halloumiontoast · 22/06/2025 11:44

Bump?

OP posts:
MargaretThursday · 22/06/2025 12:33

It sounds fairly normal sibling behaviour where they can annoy each other by breathing wrong.

If he takes her toy, he gets punished for that; if she hits, she gets punished for that.
Be fair, don't excuse her behaviour because she's "too small" and don't excuse his because she's reacted.

Halloumiontoast · 22/06/2025 12:56

Thank you. But what sorts of “punishments” would you do for each of them? At 2, I tell her no and take her away. But at 6, I feel (perhaps wrongly!) that he should know better. It’s the sort of over dramatisation that really drives me mad “ohhh owwwww ooh she’s pushed me and I haven’t got any room” that starts it off and I get a bit cross. Maybe it’s the weather? But what is the pointof6 yo starting it all? Jealousy? Attention?

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MargaretThursday · 22/06/2025 18:14

Halloumiontoast · 22/06/2025 12:56

Thank you. But what sorts of “punishments” would you do for each of them? At 2, I tell her no and take her away. But at 6, I feel (perhaps wrongly!) that he should know better. It’s the sort of over dramatisation that really drives me mad “ohhh owwwww ooh she’s pushed me and I haven’t got any room” that starts it off and I get a bit cross. Maybe it’s the weather? But what is the pointof6 yo starting it all? Jealousy? Attention?

I think it's important that if they have both misbehaved that they are both punished. Otherwise you'll have the older one thinking that the younger one can get away with anything and resenting it.

Time out works quite well with both those ages, particularly with the "he's breathing at me"/ "she looked at me funny" whinges.
I'm sorry to say that you've got a number of years of that - my dc are grown up and even now on the odd occasion you can get the "they're taking up all my space..." etc. Although I tend to laugh at them and join in now.

Distraction can work. Get them doing something together - clear the table or similar. Even a 2yo can put spoons on the table in the right place, or wipe a mark off the wall (baby wipes work brilliantly for that).

Praise them both for times they are being nice to each other, and working together. Praise the older one for doing things the younger can't - and point out times when they are doing something fun that the younger can't do.
Try and give them one-to-one time if possible.

It is a mixture of jealousy, attention seeking, and simply just being on top of each other - which sounds silly, but they are always there and so they're irritating.
Boredom doesn't help, nor does hunger. I used to find the whinges were at their worst just before they ate. Give them something to eat/piece of fruit (frozen peas were a favourite for mine) and see if it helps, sometimes even while you're getting the meal ready it can be worth it. Two of mine (strangely not the biggest eater) used to be really effected by hunger.

Let them have space. Don't expect them always to share. If dh pinches my favourite cushion I feel put out (he says they're all the same, but they're not!) so let them have some things that are theirs and they only have to share if they want to.
We found having their own place rather than just sit where you want helped. That was something that evolved, rather than a choice, but it meant that they knew where they were so weren't put out to find someone else sitting where they wanted to sit.

And don't feel guilty if you resort to screen time to give yourself a break. It's like any other method - great when you're in control. We didn't have a TV and they were born too long ago for phones/tablets when mine were that age, but I used to find that putting a DVD on and giving them a bowl of popcorn (we had a popcorn maker) could give me half an hour of peace, and if they'd been at each others' throats, then often that was enough to calm them down and when they'd finished would get on with something else.

It sounds (written down like this) much easier than the reality at the time, so be kind to yourself. There were times they were gorgeous and times they drove me to distraction. Now adults, the lovely outweighs the rest by a long way. It doesn't always feel that way at that age.
Dm once bought herself a cap that read "Peacekeeper" because she said that's what being a Mum felt like. We were very put out because, (each of us thought) you know it wasn't me, it was just my siblings are deliberately annoying. But she was right. 🤣

Halloumiontoast · 24/06/2025 05:51

@MargaretThursday just want to say thank you for this very thoughtful and considerate (and helpful!) response! I’ve really been drowning lately so it’s lovely to have some practical advice and sympathy (and know that it will, perhaps in a couple of decades) get better.

OP posts:
Guavafish1 · 24/06/2025 05:55

Sibling behaviour

be fair and consistent in your behaviour when it disciplining them both

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