Another “at what age?” Question

[IanStirlingrocks]

Hi, we are wrestling with an almost-teen who wants to do everything right now.

so at what age would you allow the following things?

walking alone/with a friend around a local familiar area, not walking to somewhere just going for a walk for about 2 hours on a light evening.

Staying home alone in an evening say 7pm-11pm

Staying home alone as above but with a neighbour popping in.

Having a taste of alcohol at a family gathering EG 1-2cm at the end of an alcohol bottle.

Watch 15 films at home

Watch 18 films at home

go on a longer journey alone EG 2 or more busses, train, combination of methods of transport.

Any thoughts appreciated.
thanks

walking alone/with a friend around a local familiar area, not walking to somewhere just going for a walk for about 2 hours on a light evening: 10
Staying home alone in an evening say 7pm-11pm: Very much depends on the child! 14-16
Staying home alone as above but with a neighbour popping in. 13/14
Having a taste of alcohol at a family gathering EG 1-2cm at the end of an alcohol bottle: 16
Watch 15 films at home 12-15 depending on the film and the child
Watch 18 films at home 16-18 depending on the film and the child
go on a longer journey alone EG 2 or more busses, train, combination of methods of transport. 12 (necessary for going to high school in some places!)

I suspect my answers will be at the lower end for Mumsnet though (I’m not English which may be a factor)

About 11 for independent local outings (high school age)

15 films probably 10-11

18 films - probably 15 ish

Wouldn't encourage alcohol. Many problems with excess and over indulgence in the family from the past with alcohol= only way to have fun (so not strictly alcohol addiction, but unhealthy relationships with it ) luckily me and DH rarely drink and never drink at home. So our kids aren't conditioned to it as a way to have fun. We won't be encouraging/purposefully introducing it to them unless asked when older.

I'd say your answers are all at the high end. For me anyway

Please do some research into allowing alcohol under age. It has been acknowledged that under age is more likely to lead to alcohol problems than making dc wait until 18.. My exh allowed teen ds to drink. At 30 he is an alcoholic.. I never allowed under age drinking... Dc shouldn't be raised to think you can only have fun when alcohol is in the mix...
Imo..

Walking around local area: 10
Staying home 7pm-11pm: 14
With a neighbour popping in: we haven't ever done that.
15 film: 12
18 film: 16
Small amount of alcohol: Our children have been offered from 13 but always declined. (We don't actually drink at home, so it's only at family occasions).

DS is 13. He’s been hanging with with friends in the nearby park, and walking to and from school (city centre) since he was 10. Doing solo walk and bus trips to football training and to his grandparents since he was 11.Spending periods of a few hours home alone in daytime since he was 11, evenings/nighttime probably since 12. He’s probably had a taste of wine at family meals this past year. Has watched 15s films for a couple of years — definitely not 18s.

My 12yr old had her last day of primary school yesterday, they spent the afternoon (4hours) in the local town at the fair and got fish and chips and sat on the prom etc. That was the first time they had done it, it’s like a rite of passage.

Depends entirely on the child, there's no prescribed age or right time, but it's about building up trust gradually. I was this age in the 00's pre mobile phones being commonplace for kids. We were allowed out locally (park, local lake, green space behind the houses etc) BUT my parents wanted to know where we would be. And occasionally, randomly and without warning, that would just happen to be where they might take the dog for a walk. Or go for a little evening drive. If we weren't where we said we were going, then there were consequences. I don't know what the consequences were, because I didn't dare find out!

The film one is a bit tricky because they can access all sorts if inappropriate material on their ( or classmates etc) phones if they’re inclined. Alcohol is a fine balance too…. In my experience letting them have it can backfire but then so can it being forbidden fruit. A lot depends on the child I think.

walking alone/with a friend around a local familiar area - If no busy roads to cross - 8, if busy roads 10/11

not walking to somewhere just going for a walk for about 2 hours on a light evening. 12-14 depending on area, child and timing

Staying home alone in an evening say 7pm-11pm - 12-14 - depending on child and how far I away parents are

Staying home alone as above but with a neighbour popping in. 12-13

Having a taste of alcohol at a family gathering EG 1-2cm at the end of an alcohol bottle. - 12? I don't know. Depends very much on alcohol, child and situation

Watch 15 films at home - 14ish

Watch 18 films at home- 18

go on a longer journey alone EG 2 or more busses, train, combination of methods of transport. - 11 - many secondary school children in my area do this

Going for an evening walk - 9

Staying home alone in the evening - whenever they're ok with it (so don't feel scared about being alone in the evening) from about 9ish, but it hasn't come up until last year when DD was 13 and she babysat her little brother who was 6.

Staying home in the evening with a neighbour popping in - from 8, with same caveat as above, only if they're ok with it.

Having a taste of alcohol - I'd rather avoid that altogether until legal age but DD asked for a taste of my drink once when she was 13, said it was disgusting and hopefully won't be asking again for a long time.

Watching a 15 at home - depends on the film (why its a 15) and the child but perhaps from 14

Watching an 18 at home - again depends on film and child but probably 17 but I did watch Scream with DD at 14 and apparently that's an 18 (I was sure it was a 15 before)

Going on a longer journey on public transport - live in a small town so my children never have to use public transport within town but I let DD travel across the country with her friend last summer when she was 13, which meant going by a mixture of train, tram, bus and metro. If we lived in a city and the children were already used to public transport then younger but depends where they want to go!

Thanks for the replies, I think we’re in line with most. The Alcohol one is interesting though. I grew up being allowed to have a bit and then later (16+?) my parents volunteering to get me some alcohol if I wanted. For me it’s removed the “forbidden fruit” element and I’m very unbothered about alcohol.
however, I’ll definitely have a read and another think about that one.

Meh, my parents made alcohol freely available to me as a teen. They wanted to take the taboo out of it, so I could drink as much as I wanted at home. I can count on my fingers both the number of times I’ve been drunk and the number of drinks I’ve had this year.