If you are in a loving and happy long marriage / relationship…

[FullyLined]

What is your advice on maintaining it happy and loving forever?

After 20 years together, my “principles”, some learnt the hard way, are:

Whatever your shared idea of being attractive, maintain and cultivate it, don’t let yourself “go”. It can be hard work but it’s worth it.

Bank shared happy experiences, deliberately create these moments, even if it’s a date night at home, so that on balance they outweigh the negatives.

Show appreciation and say thank you as much as possible - for a cooked meal, tea in bed, doing the food shop or wheeling the bin out.

Listen properly and pick your battles,
sometimes it’s better to be kind than right.

Physical affection, however small.

Give each other space for me time.

I don’t think there is a ‘one’ though. If I died, I hope DH would find someone else to be happy with.

This is a great thread, thank you. We’ve been together only 2.5 years but I’ve taken all of your thoughts on board ❤️

38 years .....
Love one and other truly madly deeply.
Trust
Communication
Kindness .

Have your own time for separate hobbies
Have your own ‘spending money’ to fritter away on whatever you want
Dont go to bed on an argument

Be able to laugh together and have fun.
Also take on board what’s important to them; it may not matter to you how the dishwasher is stacked etc but it matters to them so pay attention to that

I would echo much of what has been said. When I met my DH, it was an immediate feels right/comfortable.
The key things for me are to:
enjoy each other's company. (We do Friday evening in the pub and it always feels lovely just being together. Whilst I do invite friends, I'm kind of glad if they are busy).
Spend some time apart.
Like others have said, sex is important. It doesn't have to last ages or be tantric or whatever but regular sex sets off the right hormones (I believe!).
As others have said it's maintaining an attractive side; it doesn't matter your age or size, but being clean, nice smelling, and maybe also, for me, fit, well groomed and stylish.

Give and receive kindness to each other and to each others families but don’t be a martyr speak up and tell your partner if your in laws are out of order and then let them sort it out
Have fun together and schedule time for each other especially if you have small children
speak regularly about finances and plan your family budget so that it’s fair - remember to plug in fun money. Don’t make managing money all one partners responsibility
be loyal - don’t contradict each other outside the home or bring up old rows at parties / gatherings when the wine is flowing
be decent about keeping the home clean and tidy and pull your weight with laundry and diy
keep up with friends and have hobbies or other interests outside the family and work
dont moan on about work all the time
no phones in bed

The best advice someone gave me after having children is that sometimes it’s best to just go to sleep… then in the morning if you are still annoyed you know it’s something important to discuss, if you feel better you were just exhausted!!

1.Make sure you pick someone who is fundamentally a decent person. No one is perfect and we all have issues in our character but being fundamentally decent (honest, kind, remorseful when needed, respectful to you and your family, patient, forgiving etc) with strong values regarding what is right and wrong helps.
2.Be kind to one another even when the other person is at fault or has made a mistake.
3.Try to make sure the people you surround yourself with arefriends and family who are pro-marriage and don’t encourage you to give up a the first hurdle (there will be many hurdles). Avoid People who encourage you to leave or get the proverbial ducks in a row when you have problems. Leaving is always an option but so is staying to work things out. All long marriages consist of people who forgive often and forget much.
4.Allocate who does what based on your individual strengths - one person may be better at managing money than the other.
5.Don’t believe the hype about another human being having the ability to “complete” you or make you “whole” or make you happy. Find happiness in your own life, friends and interests. It makes you so much more engaging.

Don't do everything together. Both parties need separate friends, interests and time.
Maintain at least some independence.
Separate bank accounts.