Anniversary of DH's death when I'm seeing somwone new

[Swirlframe]

It's 4 years this week.

It's been an incredibly difficult time and the affect on my (now young adult) children is heart breaking, but I've done my best to keep going and although I didn't expect or even want it, am now seeing a new man.

DC have met him and say they like him and are happy for me. I haven't pushed anything on them, but whenever I invite them along to something we're doing they seem keen to come. He hasn't tried to be anything remotely resembling a father to them (no one would want that) but he's a kind and interested friend and has made an effort with them.

He's also been very good to me and although he didn't know DH, we have friends in common who did so his name comes up quite often, and new man always deals with that very well. I struggled in the days leading up to DH's birthday and new man was also very kind and supportive then.

Anyway, usually on the anniversary, I put out a short social media message remembering him. It seemed very important initially, now seems a bit naff tbh.

I don't know what to do this year. Outwardly I've moved on and I am enjoying life again, but he's still missed, was still an important part of my life and I still very much mourn the loss of my DC's father. I might be being oversensitive, but I know there are those who judge the way I've behaved since his death and think my new relationship is a bit much, and I'm worried putting out a message about how much he's missed will look a bit two faced.

I know it’s ridiculous to worry about it, but I'm also concerned that not doing it this year when I have previously will look bad too.

Fwiw new man won't mind either way, will just want me to do what's right for me and DC. DC don't use SM (or not the ones I'm on) so they won't care!

Your children's opinion matters, DH's family opinion might matter to you, no one else needs to have opinion either way.
If, for example, his Mum or siblings might be comforted to know that he remains in your thoughts, then that is worth bearing in mind. What some random thinks , or what your family other than your kids think, is neither here nor there.
Do what you feel comfortable with.

You don't need to post on SM to remember him. You don't need to prove anything to anyone.

I might add that it is possible to love and miss DH and be in a new relationship.Your new chap sounds lovely, and I hope your DH would have wanted to you to be happy. Your children also sound mature and loving towards you, and if they happily accept this new relationship, then no reason why everybody else shouldn't do the same.

My friend who lost his wife, a dear friend of mine (3 years ago) , is seeing someone new. on her anniversary he posted a photo of her saying something like, You were taken from us too soon, we love and miss you. (and a picture of the family) I think for me it showed that he can be respectively in a new relationship , and he can also remember his wife. The two can sit side by side. When someone dies, it is not like we broke up with them or ended a marriage, often as our partner dies the love is still there, and the grief is some way is managing that love and loss. BUT, it is your loss, do what you feel is appropriate for you and your family,

I think you’re overthinking. If you want to do a post because it feels important to you, you do it. If you feel that, whilst you will always miss him, your public grieving phase has come to an end, then don’t. That’s it. Who cares what anyone else thinks.

My best friend was bereaved and lost her DCs father when he was little. It's five years on and she is dating someone and posted about him on fathers day. She always posts about him on anniversaries and probably will continue to do so. I can't see that changing. Absolutely zero judgment from any of her friends. Our only concern has been her and her DCs wellbeing. There is no right or wrong way to grieve or move on.