Sister's dysfunctional life is affecting me badly. Grey Rock?

[GreyRocker]

She's awful with money, always moaning about being in debt but spends on frivolous hobbies, bingo and food etc. Lives paycheque to paycheque. She has a DH who is a gambler and alcoholic and who is also in debt. She moans about him constantly but won't leave him. It's like she enjoys wallowing in misery.

Her house is filthy with cats and junk everywhere. Our elderly father died last winter and I've been left to do all the sorting of the funeral, paperwork etc. She takes forever to sign documents that the undertaker and solicitors need etc. Its driving me crazy.

I've tried to advise, be sympathetic etc but it's pointless. She does nothing to help herself. I can't take it anymore.

Anyone?

She doesn’t want to change. She’s shown you that.
Don’t lend her money. Don’t go above and beyond. Don’t listen endlessly to her problems when you know she won’t change or leave her husband. If you want to continue to relationship then limit her ‘I’m sorry but I’m not prepared to listen if you won’t take accountability’. Give her a timer, five minutes of chat about problems before she has to change the subject. And just keep doing this. Sorry to hear about your dad.

Once your father's paperwork is over then definitely try to reduce contact as there's absolutely no need for you to "fix" her.

She is actually perfectly happy like this.

My brother is similar and moans non stop when I see him. The last time however, I took a friend with me, and my brother was a different man with him, friendly and positive, laughing and joking.

It's just family that gets the ugly side.

That was an eye-opener. So chose not to be the person that lets them treat them like that.

And if they ask just say that you say dislike listening to non stop moaning. No need to elaborate or justify.

Yes. She's nicer to casual acquaintances than her own sister