So sick of being so weird. It weighs so heavy.

[ThomasShelbysfagend]

I’m not ND or at least I don’t think I am.

But I’m such a weird square peg and it is so conspicuous.

I try to mask to fit, but I’m just so so shit at it and the effort of it means it stops within a very short period of time to expose “me”.

I do wish I was one of those chatty, bright breezy and easy people who know how to talk to people, know what to say, who eat food without issues, none fussy and have no body image issues.

I wish I enjoyed the company of people, felt relaxed around people, felt inspired to circle the room chatting then saying goodnight to everyone at one of the many functions I have to attend.

Wish I looked forward to functions, knew what to wear to look and feel nice, enjoyed the food put in front of me.
Wish I didn’t feel this brick in my stomach, overthinking and tied up in knots trying not be an areshole thinking I’m making people feel uncomfortable with my awkwardness.

Today I feel lonely, I’ve no one to talk to, no one I feel I can contact with complete comfort and trust to talk about this last week and what has been happening.

Another one who feels like you do OP! I'm always on the periphery, often feel out of my comfort zone, and still waiting for my very sociable and likeable DH to realise he made a big mistake, almost 20 years on 😂

I've sort of just made my peace with it now, but I do feel lonely sometimes.

Chat gtp you say… interesting very very interesting! Thank you, I could do that…

It’s worth a try. The person who wrote it I think was either waiting for an appointment which could take years or didn’t really want to see a real person. But she said it had helped her cope with life more than she ever expected. I am curious, so of you do try it and feel like sharing please do.

I've had to attend three things in the evenings this week and then last night another one was sprung on me last night and I couldn't say no to it. I came home from work and cried.

I like the concept of a social battery. Mine gets charged up by being alone. I don't even have to do anything, just lie in silence.

I practise conversations so much. I come across as bright and breezy and always smiling but it is all a big act. Weirdly I do feel a bit like I out it on and then it makes me feel a little bit better but then I'm drained after.

I think I need to go talk to someone about it.