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How do I stop dreaming about them?

2 replies

TheTwoLeggedGrooveMachine · 20/06/2025 00:29

I divorced my ex 9 years ago after he cheated on me. I knew her, of course it was his younger, prettier work colleague. It was brutal. He literally went from being my soulmate to a monster overnight. We know the story, many of us have lived it.

It took a lot to get through the divorce, he pulled every trick in the book to try to break me. But I got there, the judge ruled in my favour and after 3 bouts of gruelling therapy I have been in a much better place for some time now. I've even managed to bag myself a lovely DP and we're great together.

But for the last few months I keep dreaming about them. I've always slept badly and had vivid dreams but recently it's about them all the time. I'm in their space, and they are happy together and I'm watching them as an outsider and lonely. I wake up in the morning feeling the pain of our separation all over again. I want these dreams to stop, but I don't know how. Maybe I'm just subconsciously processing it now that I'm in a better place but it hurts and upsets me every time I wake up. Is there anything I can do to stop this happening?!

OP posts:
lollypop42 · 20/06/2025 01:16

i’m sorry you are going through this as it can be heartbreaking and you relive the pain over and over. I left my husband years ago (womaniser) but i have never stopped loving and missing him. For the past fifteen years or so, i have regularly dreamt about him and it’s very unsettling and sad. I have a full and busy life so it’s not like i’m sitting at home crying but the dreams drive me mad. If you get any good advice please share

researchers3 · 20/06/2025 01:22

TheTwoLeggedGrooveMachine · 20/06/2025 00:29

I divorced my ex 9 years ago after he cheated on me. I knew her, of course it was his younger, prettier work colleague. It was brutal. He literally went from being my soulmate to a monster overnight. We know the story, many of us have lived it.

It took a lot to get through the divorce, he pulled every trick in the book to try to break me. But I got there, the judge ruled in my favour and after 3 bouts of gruelling therapy I have been in a much better place for some time now. I've even managed to bag myself a lovely DP and we're great together.

But for the last few months I keep dreaming about them. I've always slept badly and had vivid dreams but recently it's about them all the time. I'm in their space, and they are happy together and I'm watching them as an outsider and lonely. I wake up in the morning feeling the pain of our separation all over again. I want these dreams to stop, but I don't know how. Maybe I'm just subconsciously processing it now that I'm in a better place but it hurts and upsets me every time I wake up. Is there anything I can do to stop this happening?!

You could try EMDR?
Complex ptsd can manifest as nightmares and bad dreams. It's not for me to say it is this but it's a possibility.

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