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Original poster

Married with kids? Will question

35 replies

IndieRocknRoll · 19/06/2025 22:09

FIL passed away recently and it’s made us realise that we really must sort out a will.

It then got me wondering how we should have our wills written. For context I’ve been married to DH for 20 years. Two kids together.

I had never really been too concerned as I thought legally, if anything happened to me then everything would pass to DH. All fine in theory but then if he was to remarry and not make a new will (wouldn’t put it past him, he’s very disorganised) my share of the house etc would pass to a new spouse?

We have both said we wouldn’t remarry for this reason but a friend of my parents has just remarried in his 90s so I guess never say never!
I’d like to ring fence my share of our house for the kids but equally wouldn’t want to make life difficult for DH.
just wondered what others in our situation have done?

OP posts:
SparklyGlitterballs · 21/06/2025 13:24

Twelftytwo · 21/06/2025 08:23

The problem with the lifetime interest thing is that if the surviving person wants/needs to move because the house is unsuitable, they can't do that then use the proceeds to buy a new house to live out their days in. When it's sold they'd lose their share. So it can mean people are a bit trapped in unsuitable houses.

That's not correct. As long as the surviving spouse protects the value of the trust half then it's ok for them to 'use' it. My DH died last year and we did this. Our house was worth £650k when he passed. I can move to something more/equally or less expensive, as long as I protect the £325k that is promised to our DC on my death (whether that be in cash or as part of a new property). If I was to remarry (I won't) then the new spouse couldn't touch the first £325k of anything I leave as it's held in trust. Likewise, if I need to go into care in my old age, that £325k can't be used towards my care costs.

Twelftytwo · 21/06/2025 14:11

Ah that's good to know, thanks

LilacReader · 21/06/2025 17:26

Your dilemma reminded me of my friend. Her Mum lost my friends dad and did remarry. She was then first to pass away (quite young) and it all went to Stepdad He was a nasty piece of work and kept everything. He didn't keep in touch with my friend.
Please just bear your children in mind. Sure you and hubby have good intentions but you never know. X

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Family law
ViciousCurrentBun · 21/06/2025 18:05

@SparklyGlitterballs I’m sorry for your loss, this is the kind of arrangement I need to make with DH. Would you mind me asking what sort of trust it was as I think there are different types and don’t have a clue. Our will is horribly out of date as one of the main beneficiaries our DD died a few years ago. I have also seen how quickly men move on if suddenly widowed.

SparklyGlitterballs · 21/06/2025 19:58

ViciousCurrentBun · 21/06/2025 18:05

@SparklyGlitterballs I’m sorry for your loss, this is the kind of arrangement I need to make with DH. Would you mind me asking what sort of trust it was as I think there are different types and don’t have a clue. Our will is horribly out of date as one of the main beneficiaries our DD died a few years ago. I have also seen how quickly men move on if suddenly widowed.

@ViciousCurrentBun, my condolences for your loss too. I can’t even imagine losing a child 😢
Mine was referred to in paperwork as a Life Interest Trust. I’m not sure if that helps at all.

Toomuch2019 · 23/06/2025 09:34

Please think twice before entering into a Trust arrangement as some pp have suggested. My parents did this and it has made it a huge challenge to get in a position for my mum to move closer to us in her old age. It creates a whole raft of unexpected consequences

changeme4this · 24/06/2025 04:59

It’s good that you are considering this. My SIL’s father passed after her mother but had married someone else prior to his death.

we are not in the UK, but my SIL never saw her parents belongings again.

Her Dad told her and ourselves he had a new Will after his marriage, but if there was one, the new wife wasn’t sharing it and she applied to become executor of the estate. On the day of his death, she transferred all monies from their joint account into her own.

when it was pointed out the man owed extended family money, which she knew about prior to his death, she appointed her brother to be her representative who demanded proof of the long term loans. another family member had trouble getting their equipment back that had been loaned to the deceased, the wife claiming it was now part of his estate.

people get lonely and this man was no different. He was older, on a pension and what money he had was put into their joint account. His superannuation was spent.

Their telephone bill would be scrutinised each month and we were told he wasn’t ‘allowed’ to call us when the wife was out… it’s a form of elder abuse, but one he entered into.

protect your kids.

CrownCoats · 24/06/2025 05:42

FanSpamTastic · 19/06/2025 22:30

I’ve left my death in service to our kids for this reason - DH gets my share of the house plus our cash and isas etc but they get my death in service. So at least they would have something. I don’t know if he would re-marry or if he wound sort out a will for our kids!

You can leave your share of the house to your kids and give your husband a lifetime interest so he can live in it and then it will go to them.

But your death in service only helps your kids in the unlikely event that you die before retiring. So this doesn’t really solve the problem.

Fifthtimelucky · 24/06/2025 23:42

On the day of his death, she transferred all monies from their joint account into her own.

She sounds a nasty piece of work but she was perfectly entitled to do this, though she didn’t really need to because as soon as he died she automatically became the sole owner of the account. None of the money in that joint account would have been part of his estate.

changeme4this · 25/06/2025 07:54

Fifthtimelucky · 24/06/2025 23:42

On the day of his death, she transferred all monies from their joint account into her own.

She sounds a nasty piece of work but she was perfectly entitled to do this, though she didn’t really need to because as soon as he died she automatically became the sole owner of the account. None of the money in that joint account would have been part of his estate.

Absolutely. But it was the action of someone who was supposed to be grieving for the loss of her Hubby on the day, to think about doing this.

her actions since, and with a subsequent partner who she ensured a property title transaction was completed in her name prior to his death, just leaves a sour taste.

Our understanding is that she was angling for a property her subsequent partner’s daughter was residing in, and was part of his life with his first wife.

We were told his offspring were onto her early on and made sure Dad transferred property ownership early. They also didn’t feel welcome in their former family home, and would meet Dad at the local club instead.

they walk amongst us, and I just support anyone taking steps to make sure their children are provided for.

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