Colleague with disturbing views—how do people still like him?

[NattyFawn]

I work with someone who openly says he doesn’t care about women, minorities, disabled people, or "southerners." He makes rude remarks about Labour voters and never has a kind word to say about anyone outside his bubble. He doesn't seem to have any non-white or non-male friends either.

Despite this, he’s really well-respected at work. People say he’s “competent” and “fun,” and he seems quite popular socially. The women all seem to like him.

I’m baffled—and honestly a bit disturbed—at how easily others ignore his views.

I know workplaces aren’t always about morals, but I’m struggling to understand how someone like this can be so liked when he openly expresses things I find completely unacceptable.

Has anyone else experienced something like this? Why do people overlook this behaviour, and how do you deal with it without making yourself a target?

Welcome to the world. A world where other people have different views to you and where you learn that your views aren't always right but you have the right to hold them just like others have the right to hold theirs.

Would you feel as offended by someone who was complaining about right-wing voters and men? Or if they had few white friends, or male friends? If not, it sounds like you don't like his political stance and can't fathom why anyone would, which suggests you may be slightly stuck in your own bubble. Maybe talk to him and the people who like him (with an open mind) and try to understand why they have the opinions they do. You may still not agree, but hopefully you'll understand a bit more.

What kind of workplace is it?

Or is it more at social stuff after hours

What does he mean by southerners? People from the south of England? Or like Mediterranean? He sounds like an arsehole but “not caring” about women, ethnic minorities, people with disabilities to me isn’t so much horrific and disturbing as much as the mark of a stupid wanker.

I agree with this. On a personal level, I wouldn't like it if someone was talking in a derogatory way about southerners or people who were left-wing, but I realise that IS just personal, and in some workplaces talking positively about right-wing politicians et cetera would be perfectly normal, even though it's not in mine.

But being derogatory about women, minorities and people with disabilities is not wise as they are obviously specifically protected in law.

Just be as detached and studiously professional as possible. Only ever speak to him about work and in strictly neutral terms. If anyone ever comments on your dislike of him, just state “We’re colleagues, not friends”.

I do understand this feeling. Two couples I know very well and really like are all good friends with the same woman, who they think is great. I think she’s rude, dismissive and judgemental and I want to kick her in the bracket. It’s difficult, because it makes me think I must be missing something if people I like and respect all like her, but ultimately I can’t account for other people’s taste in friends.

Different views are one thing, but do you actually think it's okay for people to air derogatory views about someone with disabilities or someone who is a woman?

OP didn't say he does that.

So unprofessional. I never discuss my opinions at work, I'm sure nobody wants to hear them. I'd see this man as a massive great bore and probably despise him.

They’re saying they don’t like women, disabled people, and minorities…it is hardly the same is it. FFS - we need the face palm emoji adding

It's probably summarised in your last sentence. Don't want to be a target.

As viles as his opinions are, unless he is openly abusive with his beliefs then you cannot police him. It is one thing to think something and very different to be abusive with it.

If it is the former, grey rock him as much as you can. Just be polite and say as far few words to him as you can. You're all there to work so just ignore the idiot.

What does he actually say? Is he offensive or just uncaring? People say rude remarks about Labour, Tory, Reform, Lib Dem and Green voters all the time. I think that is just par for the course.

This type of conversation or ‘banter’ can be horrific but so can a very sanitised environment where people are ‘called out’ for having the wrong views.

OP doesn't say he says that.

The only people OP says he is actually derogatory about is Labour voters.

Was going to ask the same, that's the basis here really.

Ok dear

I wouldn’t be “dealing with it”.

First rule of work for me is to keep my head down and ignore people who I think are twats, unless I need to discuss a work topic with them.

I’m there only for the money and couldn’t give a toss what others say.

The OP hasn't said that at all, she's said he doesn't care, which isn't necessarily the same thing.

🤔

What's his role? Is he involved in recruiting or managing?

There's a lot of that crap in the workplace.

"Ooh, it's just his way, he's really a good bloke"
YANBU, it's a total pain.

If the women at work like him, his views can't be that disturbing to them. Maybe it's just you?

It’s work. People generally just want to get on with others at work. It is not the place to take a stand against views you don’t agree with. Regardless of that though, as long as he doesn’t force his opinions on others or openly treat others disrespectfully, it’s up to him what thoughts he has in his own head.

Sometimes people are likeable and have good qualities even if they also have things about them that aren’t so nice.

Defo one to avoid getting stuck with at the office Christmas do…..

Seriously though. I’d just give him a weird look and call him out every single time till I bored myself hearing my own voice. Arseholes gonna arsehole unless someone stops them.

Is he dramatic and OTT with it? Almost like a stage act? I know someone who makes the most outrageous comments but gets away with it because he is witty and sharp and naturally very funny. Women in particular love him. 🙄

Is it any surprise that people make rude comments about Labour voters nowadays? In the words of Terry-Thomas, “what an absolute shower!”.