Colleague with disturbing views—how do people still like him?

[NattyFawn]

I work with someone who openly says he doesn’t care about women, minorities, disabled people, or "southerners." He makes rude remarks about Labour voters and never has a kind word to say about anyone outside his bubble. He doesn't seem to have any non-white or non-male friends either.

Despite this, he’s really well-respected at work. People say he’s “competent” and “fun,” and he seems quite popular socially. The women all seem to like him.

I’m baffled—and honestly a bit disturbed—at how easily others ignore his views.

I know workplaces aren’t always about morals, but I’m struggling to understand how someone like this can be so liked when he openly expresses things I find completely unacceptable.

Has anyone else experienced something like this? Why do people overlook this behaviour, and how do you deal with it without making yourself a target?

You can't police other people's opinions, as abhorrent as they are. Just don't associate with him. He shouldn't start spouting off whilst he's in the workplace though.

With some colleagues you have to work with them, whether you like them (including their views), or not. So some people just get on with them and ignore the nastiness. I suspect most think he is a right berk etc, they just don't say it to his face.

It would seem to me that he is being his authentic self. You don’t have to like him or his views - if he makes you unhappy - simply stay out of his way.

Who’d have thought millions would like and vote for Farage? but they do, in their millions.

This, I thought 'bring your own authentic self to work' was a big thing now?

Would you say the same if someone said they disliked Tories, Reform, the upper classes?

I’d be wondering if this workplace was for me if these views are being expressed out loud in the workplace. Surely it’s not allowed as he’s referring to protected characteristics negatively?
Id only converse in a professional manner to this person and if they said something directly to me I would respond with something along the lines of ‘I don’t think it’s appropriate to have this conversation at work’.
Depending on the workplace, I might ask for a confidential chat with my line manager or hr saying that I felt uncomfortable with some of the topics of conversation raised in the office/workplace and give examples of what has been said, and maybe ask to see any relevant policies about professional behaviour/edi etc.
But ultimately I think I might be looking elsewhere for a job if everyone seems to respond positively to someone who says this.

Some of your colleagues convince themselves that he doesn't really mean what he says, to make their life easier.

You can be competent and fun and also have twatty views. Unless he’s constantly “spouting” or is a actually causing trouble for people by blocking work or promotions or making people feel massively awkward or uncomfortable then they probably just let it go in the interests of rubbing along together and not descending into a pointless purity spiral and whataboutery. There is also the possibility that people agree with him to a greater or lesser extent.

I think people are frightened of him. They laugh and agree in case his spotlight falls on them.

You know YABU. People can ignore things which they don’t like and appreciate people for the things they do. It’s ok and actually arguably a more emotionally mature approach to relationships.

@BeeCucumber Being your authentic self at work does not apply if you're spouting hateful views about minorities. It isn't carte blanche to act like a prick with no consequences.

I would avoid as well, OP.

To clarify based on other responses - this advice is specifically re women, minorities, disabilities as these are protected characteristics and I’d feel a personal moral responsibility to speak up. I think this is a different matter to moaning about other groups eg political leanings, region of the uk lived in: although I wouldn’t want to work with someone so small minded they couldn’t respect the views of others either.

At least he's honest. And you can make your decision based on that.

Unlike slimey "progressive" leftist men who think they are feminists but are happy to throw women under a bus...

Three or four years ago I was volunteering at an NHS vaccine centre. One of the permanent staff was ranting loudly about J K Rowling. How she was a transphobe, dreadful woman etc. I disagreed strongly but kept quiet, knowing at that time and in that context, my views would have been seen as unacceptable. Indeed I probably would have been shown the door.

If you don’t agree with something, say so politely. I would prefer we got back to a society where we can have differences of opinion, and where those differences can be considered through polite debate.

Rent Free !

The others probably let it go right over their heads, they have work to do, it's not worth getting into a pointless argument over, may well be thinking oh here we go again when he starts up. Or think it's a big joke or he's just playing to the audience. I would just ignore you won't change his mind and he won't change yours, but you could make the work place very unpleasant for everyone.

They are fawning because it is easier/safer to stay on his good side. I person with that much hate in them could cause so many problems if they took a disliking to you so for many people they just don't want to take the risk. I have seen it in so many workplaces.

I do take the risk, I am not unprofessional but I don't fawn either, I stay neutral. it takes nerve and is sometimes uncomfortable as they can get annoyed but eventually they either go neural or in some circumstances have made active efforts to try to win me over.

In all cases I reconsider if that's the right environment for me.

How is he getting away with blatant racist, ableist and sexist views? I thought modern work places stamped on this like a ton of bricks.

Is that what he's offering now?

Is he actually being racist, abelist, misogynistic etc or does he just not care as in EDI etc? .
Not caring about things around these characteristics isn't the same as spouting hate.

It's a work colleague, not a friend. You don't have to like their personal views. They might not like yours.

It's different if it's affecting his job/work activity, if he's actually discriminating against particular groups in the role he does - then it's time to go to HR.

If he's just banging on about how much he love Nige then just walk on by.

I had a colleague who was a bit snooty and rude. I thought she was awful, but all my other colleagues seemed to get on with her so I kept my mouth shut and got on with my work.
Then she left.
As soon as she had gone everyone was spouting about how awful she was and how glad they were that she’d left. I mentioned that I thought that they had all liked her and they all just said they were being polite and professional. So you may be mistaken about how liked this person is.

If other people including "all the women" like him then it sounds like you are the problem here.

Well, as a southerner, labour-voting, lesbian... I'd have a field day with him!

There are protected characteristics for a reason. I'm not sure why he is flaunting his views at work unless it is specifically related to his work, and if this is the case, then is it in line with your workplace discrimination act.

I'd personally speak to HR to say you're not happy with some of the culture and conversations that are happening at work. You don't have to name him, but an email to everyone, reminding them of what is appropriate and not appropriate to discuss when at work might not go amiss.

It is a good opportunity for you to know who are your kind of people and who to actively avoid where possible.

Yeah - whatever. I'm happy being emotionally immature if it means I get to contradict racist bigots. Plus this is Chat and the OP didn't ask if she was being unreasonable.

To the OP - he sounds horrible. Avoid like the plague.