Struggling working and not being with 15 month old

[Becca3451]

I'm having a work/ career/being a mum crisis. Everyone is friendly at work but I just hate being away from my little boy for so long in the working day.

I hate it when I have to commute in and I'm so exhausted even when I do pick up him from nursery. We considered me being a Stay at home mum, but decided to move to a much more family friendly area and so I have to work for financial reasons( decision already done). But I just feel like I'm missing out on so much and can't take my little one to the classes I want him to learn from, keep on top of housework/ making food for him.

I hate this whole work/ mum thing.

He won't learn anything from classes that he won't learn from nursery if it's a good one.

The key here is to make sure you have really good time with him when you are with him. Plan things to do together.

Also think about things you want to provide him with as he grows. To do that you need to earn.

Also look at flexible working. If commuting is long then look at compressing hours, working from home etc.

Do you work full time? If you do do you need to? Could you drop a day or two to give you a better balance?

I hated returning to work too when mine were tiny, but was part time so still got to spend a lot of time with them. I would have still rather been at home with them full time until they started school but it was the best compromise we could afford and I didn’t go back full time until youngest was 11.

I'm 4 days a week, but I think I'm going to ask about 3 days and just take the financial hit come what may. The 3 days together at work, being apart from him just kills me.

Just need to think about timing of asking. My husband is worried my manager won't be happy with my request. I'm new to the role, have asked for a WFH day and asked for the clinical role to be adjusted so it is more manageable ( all my colleagues felt it was unmanageable what was being, but it's still a request that has been recently adjusted for).

Aww @Becca3451 it’s hard isn’t it. think whatever you do you feel guilty and that you’re not doing a good enough job. It’s a huge change from spending all day every day with your dc to barely seeing them.

ive also gone back to work 4 days a week last week and it’s an adjustment. I have a long commute and can’t wfh so leaving the house most most days just as my dc is waking up and often just back in time for her to be put down. It’s not forever and there’s plans for me to be closer to home soon but It’s not easy. My saving grace is that she loves nursery, the staff are exceptional and she’s thriving there and developmentally she’s come on leaps and bounds in just a really short space of time.

I think give yourself grace - it’s normal to feel like this especially if you hadn’t spent much time away from your dc before now. How long have you been back at work for? If you’ve only just gone back Perhaps give yourself a month or two to see how you feel - you might both settle into the swing of things a bit better. You might find once you’re more settled in you will really enjoy time together / toddler groups on your non working day.

If in a few months you’re feeling the same then approach your boss. The worst they can say is no right - although I thought most places had to offer some sort of flexible work request now. The only thing I would add is if another child is on the cards soon, maternity leave pay on 3 days a week will be much less than what you had the 1st time around.

all the best