What would you do re surnames?

[Twitchytwitcher]

Hi, I’m particularly interested in knowing what people in a similar situation have done.

I have a DS who has my surname (maiden name) . DP (not his bio father) and I are now at a point where we want to get married and would both like to have more children.

My problem is I don’t want to have a different surname from either DS or any future children and it doesn’t feel fair to change DSs name before he’s old enough to properly understand and consent.

I feel like the obvious option is that DP and I both keep our own names but double barrel any future children's names but our names really don’t double barrel well and I don’t know if I feel comfortable separating DS from his siblings like that when DP has brought him up and been the only dad he has known

Either that or DP takes my surname but I’ve never known anyone who’s husband has taken their name

If DP is happy to take your surname then that would be the obvious solution. Why does it matter that you don't know other people who have done that?

If DP doesn't want your surname then I would double barrel and change DS's surname too. You don't necessarily have to do it legally but I'd change it for day to day purposes. How old is DS?

Or you pick a new surname for everyone. Maybe a combination of your names or a word that is meaningful to you all.

I kept my family name when I got married ( Muslim, so we don't take our husbands name) and our children take the fathers last name. Very simple.

I dont see the harm in changing your sons name. It would be different if it was his Dads surname. If he's too young to consent then surely he's too young to be bothered. If he's old enough to know he's John Smith surely explaining it that once you're married Mummy and him will have the same name as Daddy

Alternatively get your partner to change his. No reason why he shouldn't. So what if its not conventional. If it works best for your family....

But OP has said she wants the same surname as her children.

OP I think your partner changing his name makes the most sense here, if he also wants to have the same surname as his children.

I can assure you that it really won't matter in the grand scheme of things if you don't have the same surname as your son.

At least it was once your surname, rather than a hangover from a past relationship.

before he’s old enough to properly understand and consent.

It depends on how old he is, but would this overly matter? A surname is pretty arbitrary anyway, so how attached is he to it?

If he's still very little, he would most probably prefer to have the same name as you rather than one that nobody else in the family has - just because it was the one he happened to be given at birth.

Or this. You wouldn't need anyone else's permission.

He can take your surname. It's the obvious solution under the circumstances. It's rare but it happens. One of my uni friends kept her surname and her DH changed to hers - no kids involved at the time (they had several since) but she was an only-child and all her aunts and uncles were childless so she wanted to carry forward the family name (plus it was a nicer name)

Just double barrel. You can keep your name or double barrel it as well.

I would just keep everyone’s names as they are and call future kids same as me and my son. Can your partner not change his name?

Kids get confused about changing names. They expect to keep their identity. They should choose what they want to do. And when you get divorced …… another change? Not saying you will of course but it’s a slippery slope. This dc is not adopted by new dad (yet) so I’d take name changes slowly.

I sort of do know a man who took his wife’s name. A local headteacher. I won’t repeat what a lot of parents thought! Is your partner robust?

My brother took my SILs name, and I work with someone who took his wife’s name.

Keep your name
Give any future children your name
Your DP’s choice as to whether he takes your name or keeps his.

Some men are now taking their wives names. My SIL’s BIL has done it.

It’s just a name change.

He can take your surname. It's not common but it happens- one of my female friend's husband took her surname (and they've since had children with that surname).

Keep your name and future children have your surname.

I know a few men who have taken their wife's name. But you could also give your child with your partner both of your surnames without double barrelling them and let schools/doctors etc know child is first name, partner's surname, your surname (John Smith Jones) to be known as John Jones. That way, both of your surnames are of equal weight legally, but your kids will be known by just the one shared surname.

Honestly I would keep your name and give any future children your name, though of course your dh might object. I think women changing their name on marriage is outdated, and I also think that children should be named after their mother, it simplifies matters in case of divorce or where a woman has children with different fathers. That's just my two cents though.

Legally you would need the bio father's permission to change DS's surname if he has parental responsibility and DS is still a child.

Much more straightforward for everyone to have your surname.

Don’t change your child’s surname, your partner can take yours if he wants the same as his dc.

I’m assuming his natural father does not share parental responsibility with you. If he does you can’t change your son’s name without your ex’s permission.